WOOT! Awesome feedback! My biggest defense/excuse/whatever is that you are absolutely right... the prologue is rushed to high hell =p
I was trying to fit all this alien stuff into 6 issues. Much of the things you touched on come in after the prologue. I intend to try to remedy many of these, and your feedback will help me open my eyes even more! Thank you for tearing into it so passionately!
Drawings: here is quite simple: you got to work more on perspective and anatomy. some times, people look just too big (like Sally's father) or rooms look too awkward (Sally's bedroon for instance), also, the hands seem too small a lot of time.
I hope I have been getting better as the pages progress. I have been trying to improve my perspective, anatomy, and backgrounds. I'll keep working harder. I should take time off JUST to draw this stuff and practice, but sadly the comic I only enjoy drawing the comic. Just drawing isn't very fun for me. Also I have a hell of a time with Sally's size. She's so small (4'11) I tend to accidentally make other characters appear way too large next to her. Again, trying to get better... practice practice...
when Sona is holding that plate with juice, it looks the cups grew bigger from one frame to the other. (BTW, Sally's mother looks like she has Sally's age). Since the story deals with alien races, it would be nice to define their "design" a bit more to really make it apart from human ones. right now, you can't really make a difference. also, your backgrounds seem too empty. this if fine on kids comics, but on action ones, you should probably work on that.
Sally's mother is supposed to look Sally's age. Y'know those people that age and barely show it. She's one of those types. Just a few things changed to indicate being older. They alien's designs look similar to the humans? Well, at this juncture there isn't much point to redesign them again. The alien story ends next issue.
As for backgrounds... starting in issue 4 I began trying to get better at putting more back there. Backgrounds are hard, time consuming, and not fun to make. A bad combination that translates when I try and make them. I just have to suck it up and do it!
Mainly, you seem to eager to go from action scene from action scene, and this is not allowing you to develop your characters, or the story itself. in issue one, we have a ancient war. then on issue 2 terrorist atacks. issue 3 more ancient war. In 4, Terrorists meet Ancient war. Issue 5 Pocket Dimension in danger! and 6, Ancient war gets worst!. Wow... i don't think even Superman get that much action.
You are right. Absolutely! I 100% realized real fast that by trying to condense everything into 6 issues (7 counting the 1st two issue 1s) that I would lose character development. It was an error in judgment but I really really didn't want to be stuck on this story for 4 years =p
Most of the character development takes place after the prologue. Being by myself I have to make sure I am having a good time creating and that it doesn't feel just like a chore. Not a good reason I know. But I am learning a lot by advancing the story this fast.
(you can really tell how much I didn't want to actually make the prologue in issues 1-0, 1-1, and 2. It wasn't till issue 3 where I started to actually enjoy it and began putting more effort into it. Even lengthening the scripts in hopes of adding some small amounts of extra character development. At 1st my goal was to fly through the prologue ASAP and then take more time. At least I got over that stupidity!
not to mention the imense ammount of subplots: the War between Predator and Cyro, The War between America and Australia, The War of Power, the interest of Predators in Atlantis, Sally's hidden power (she is the master chosen from earth, ain't she?), GIA and its work on Aliens... and that is just the prologue. you are shoving "motives for big explosions" one after one... ]and when you are forced to to some explanation, you do it all in one single frame... that is simply not good man... i mean, you could do one whole issue on the life of feeny on atlantis before blowing it up...it would even allow your readers to breath a bit after 4 issues of non-stop action.
I thought the Atlantis issue was pretty mild actually... though it's supposed to be an action comic, I try to think of some way to add action in each issue. LOL, uh oh... you think that's a lot of sub plots?... I have a lot more coming. I don't really know how to respond to the plot stuff. I tend to like shows where there are a lot of little plots running through them. Each issue needs to be it's own little rollercoaster. I will surely try to rethink how I will present some stuff later. I actually started trying to explain more stuff because I was afraid I may leave things too vague if I drag it out.
you could have shown Feeny's first contact with the Cyro's instead of having her "magicaly" know it all.
The rush syndrome that I had in the early issues, I would probably show more now.
you are leaving too much important stuff to "background action". for instance, have you not tought of showing how things are with australia once the alien war broke out? you mentioned that plot and simply forgot it. or What is behind "Upgrade one" and "Project Wariorress"? there are a lot of good stuff that you are simply lefting behind.
That sub plot picks back up later. It becomes a full plot then. In fact, without some spoilers, this whole war with the aliens has a LOT to do with that. When I made up the Prologue my idea was to make a story where I can set up a bunch of things afterwards. My other idea was to skip after this alien war and start my comic there but then I would have to explain a LOT more >_<
and then there is the characters: impressively, sally is the best one. i guess its because most of her is still a big mistery (that is how things were for Gouki). Feeny on the other hand... is just too perfect. She is the awesome hacker who stopped a war that finds that she is one of the chosen people and on the first mission she simply take the matters on his hand and elaborates a strategy better then the one of the guys who has been living this war for years... but all she wants is the approval of ther parents. Dude... if she really needed the approval of anyone... she would not have the will power needed to do any of those things. its not like she is a spiderman, who is only motivated by his own guilty (even though in the 2 last issues she seems to be becoming him) and even spiderman seen to just screw thing up.
This is very useful! She is perfect but what I wanted to show with her making that strategy to get to the airship is her need to take control. Codo would have gotten her there just fine. And got her in, without Cutter she would have died. Her strategy got her to the ship, but that's it. However, the mere fact I had to tell you that meant I did not portray it in a well enough manner. Gotta take care on any similar scenes to improve on this.
Also, she wants the approval of EVERYBODY. She's the popular girl and loves attention. I'd wager that yelling about her parents thing was just to seem larger in front of Sally. In fact, if you take away supporting people Fenny always loses her cool and motivation. If she cannot get admiration/attention, she isn't very driven. Another trait I guess I still have not shown well but hope the next few issues helps on.
it is ok to do a "I'm too perfect" kind of character, but have her act like one. for instance, the scene that make your signature: why not having her looking upwards, as a re-born warrior ready to take all the suffering that was inflicted into her and show it to her enemies? you have her look a emo who thinks everything is just too much and is ready to blow her own brains out. ain't she the one who ended the american-australian war? (BTW, you totaly got this war from chatterbox FM on GTAIII, didn't you?)
Well, in the scene in my sig she was sad about Sally. Sally had just collapsed and fell asleep from exhaustion. Fenny isn't too perfect without her cheerleaders. The war she ended was something any hacker could have done. She just got info to help it become real. And was totally motivated by attention and admiration as usual. And I totally made up this story in 1996 =p
All other characters had too little screen time to make anything out of them.
Ouch... even Jessica and Mote and Tresha? Maybe Sona, you only really got to see her "acting" for Fenny and not much of the real her.
i think if you address these issues, things will get a lot better.
I am trying a bit in this issue and the next by revamping the script. But most is addressed after the prologue when I slow the pace down. No more story condensing.
Oh and I really hope that my replying to you does not make you think I may be brushing any of this feedback off. This was really awesome! You are right on lots of this. I never had feedback this deep on the story before! If DD had a search feature I could show you a topic where I actually said many of these things. The rushing of the story is my biggest gripe I have. But IMO it wasn't rushed too too badly. And I hope the new additions I add to issue 5 and 6 will help fix it a bit more. Ugh, disregarding the excuses I am trying to fix many of these. But I still plan to finish off this story next issue. Let me know if it feels a tad better. With each page these words will echo through my head.
Again thanks for all this!!!