Monster snack

The year is X925 the world it a next generation of space travel,all junk foods been banned and bootleg games are very popular. The rich people have found a new pass time; robot wars, using the cities as play grounds fooling the inhabitants that the aliens will attack,and in the midst of it all is team star ring olives to all of this working as con artists for the mayor but lose their jobs and get signed up to work for the powerful Herb. They're now sucking in a line of work they didn't want to go into part of; the riches gambling addiction.

http://www.drunkduck.com/Monster_snack/?p=74679

For the first official page (not including the cover page) I don't really understand the text, and you have a random comma in the beginning of your second paragraph, you might want to watch out for that. and there isn't a space inbetween the other comma and the other word ont he same paragraph. You also would need al ot of backgrounds, because well, you have a great lack of it and since we are in a world that we are unknown to, it'd be nice if you had it, especially on teh first page which is the determining shot to where we are. You need to watch your lines, because sometimes they slope, like on the second page on the last panel, the floor on which he is standing slopes. Also, you might want to make the star on his head not so pitch black, that way if he turns on a black backgroudn, you could still see th star. Eyes get a little bit off center, like on the third page. You might also want ot clean up your lineart before you color it, meaning that you might want to erase any unnecssary lines which are left ove so it doesn't look so messy. Also, your explanation of the race comes kind of off center, I mean, it doesn't really make sense where you put it. You might want to show the reader, instead of tellign the reader, meaning, maybe someone could talk about it (even though that might be a normal every day thing) it is better than just putting a panel there iwth it. Also, I don't really like the page with the text only box, or the last page's tear --- which I don't understand, but I may later on, yes?

You have an interesting story, but it doesn't really captivate me yet, other than why the character has a star on his head -- which I think was a good idea. =3

Art - 4-5/10 --- Clean up the lineart, need of background, positiong of characters, need of diffrent angles and character defining shots
Story - 6-7/10 --- Because I don't really know what it is about, I just find the star-headed boy interesting.

There you go, keep up the good work, alright?