um well hey, whats going on people,i thought i would try this out here, any feedback would be great, and if your gonna crit, don't worry i think i can handle what ya might have to say. well i hope ya all like it!:)

http://www.drunkduck.com/Mai_Angel/index.php?p=549890

It's CRIT-ERN' TIME!


Art: Well executed, I enjoyed it. Standard anime goodness around every turn with enough proficiency to accurately convey the emotion of the characters and the mood of the setting.

Writing: Well done. The characters seem like they could become real people. Not much has happened in the story so far so it's hard to tell peoples personalities... but I'm sure you will rectify that shortly.

Story: I have no idea what's going on. None. At all. Demons or something right? High school girl is the only one that can save the world from wacky evil stuff. Yada yada. The introduction of the "supposed" antagonist is not as clearly done as I would have hoped. She just kind of "appears". I really had no idea the demon thanger was standing right in front of the HS chick until the next page. Poor sequential story telling. Other than that one part it seems decent. I think you may have a slightly boring story on your hands if nothing really happens on 90% of your pages though. Plenty of opportunities to show idiosyncrasies and mild character development were blown. Everyone is kind of 2d right now and they didn't have to be.

Lettering: Really, really awful. It's not impossible to read but it's really kind of a pain.



Conclusion: People will love you. Adore you. Do not let this make you complacent. Work hard and develop a story that has something worth waiting for on every page. Do this and your already blossoming talent will propel you to stardom!



Best wishes XOXO,
Charlie

ok wow thanks... yes i thought that the pace of the story was alittle slow, but i think it picks up later. however the next chapter will probaly be a normal plain ch. as well and yes i know my handwriting is awful, and i also forgot that i could write in paint, so my new pgs. are done with typing so you wont have to look at my handwriting anymore ^-^ thanks for the crit.

Normally I wouldn't ask this but my own HELWID got buried after I reviewed like 4 things in a row. If you cared to you could give me some crits of your own.


It's called The Scarlet Robe if you are interested.




Best wishes XOXO,
Charlie

um yeah i guess i'll try, i'll try and do that soon, but but be surprised if i don't help you in any possible way when i crit it. im just not that good at criting thing well......

It has potential, but I do agree it's on the slow side right now. One of those "reads right to left" would have been helpful as it took me a few pages to catch it.

BlkKnight
It has potential, but I do agree it's on the slow side right now. One of those "reads right to left" would have been helpful as it took me a few pages to catch it.

yes i've heard this a few times, havent gotten to that yet though, but i will try, thanks:)

.....:)

:)