going away - Hey Everyone Look What I Did!

[CRIT]The Burned
Hunterkirizaki at 5:56PM, Nov. 8, 2008
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posts: 37
joined: 8-28-2007

(Main Site)

Full color comic

A traveler and volunteer at many orphanages around the Nameless World, Hunter is a nice guy who just wants to do his best to help who he can. After a near-death experience as a child, Hunter was left with a Burn, not through fire, but given to him by the god Pyro. The burn has granted Hunter power over shadows, and has given him a stronger ability to help those in need.

One day, a terrible mistake marks the beginning of the biggest event in the history of the Nameless World. Orphiritus, a minor god and assistant to the god of the forge, Takeo, accidentally drops fifteen powerful weapons from the god's realm, Tengoku, into the place now known as the Plains of Fire. The fifteen sacred weapons hold within them incredible powers that, in the hands of one of The Burned, could boost their powers to the levels of the gods. Many burned, originally kind people, have become corrupted at the idea of holding such power, and have begun to seek out the sacred weapons in hopes of ruling the world.

Not knowing what would come of his death, Pyro, creator of the Nameless World, enlists Hunter's help in collecting the fifteen sacred weapons. With the assistance of gods Pyro, Takeo, Manami, Shizen, and Shibou, along with friends he meets along his journey, Hunter attempts to collect and return all fifteen sacred weapons before the world falls into chaos.

Action, Adventure, Some romance (but not for a long while)

I'm the writer of this comic, not the artist. The art is drawn by sentiashinou, who is a friend of mine from Smackjeeves. Critique is appreciated, but I'm more likely to comment towards comments about the storyline, rather than art, since I am not the artist.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:51PM
Hunterkirizaki at 12:46PM, Dec. 14, 2008
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Monthly bump. The comic has a new artist. Check it out!
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:51PM
Ludeshka at 5:25AM, Dec. 23, 2008
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joined: 10-29-2008
A little too early to judge the story (so far, it sounds interesting :) )
I think the art would be really improved if only there were some shadows, you know?
Screentoning, greys, or just black, whatever the style/the story calls for, but everything looks really...white.
Other than that, the art seems neat. :)
last edited on July 14, 2011 1:48PM
Hunterkirizaki at 12:02PM, Jan. 2, 2009
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Up to page 4 in the comic, and with that, monthly bump for January.

@Ludeshka: That'll soon be fixed. Every page is going to be colored, and that will fix the problem. At least I hope it will.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:51PM
Hyena H_ll at 10:54AM, Jan. 3, 2009
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posts: 1,568
joined: 11-13-2008
The story does seem interesting thus far- but like Ludeshka said, it's a bit early to really get into it. I wasn't exactly sure what it meant when you said "they must be endangered" (forgive me if that's not a direct quote). Maybe it's something that will be explained later- which is okay. It just seemed like an odd word choice to me.

I wish I knew the characters better- seems like the X-mas page would have made more sense if I did. (Although I liked the "Completely unrelated to death" guy. I want to know what he's about.)
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:52PM
Hunterkirizaki at 7:46AM, Jan. 4, 2009
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@Hyena: Yea, I was expecting the Christmas one to be a little confusing, but it'll make more sense once we get to chapter 2, which will be a while.

And by being endangered, it basically means you must be about to die in order for Pyro to "burn" you, basically making you into one of The Burned. Not accidental "i fell off a cliff" death, more like "This bandit's about to chop my head off" type, like what's happening in the prologue.

Make more sense now that I've explained a little?
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:51PM
The Real Macabre at 10:28AM, Jan. 5, 2009
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joined: 11-14-2008
Yeah, the Christmas filler breaks the pacing bit. I'd recommend taking it out, only because I find that pacing is your character's greatest strength. Each page ends with the promise of new action, and it always holds you in suspense, without frustrating cliffhangers. The art is crisp (if a little sparse), the story is mysterious, and the action is well paced. I hope to see more from you!
. .
last edited on July 14, 2011 4:15PM
Hunterkirizaki at 12:52PM, Jan. 16, 2009
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joined: 8-28-2007
@The Real Macabre: I did as much, and removed the Christmas special. It was really confusing, and it wasn't funny without knowing who the characters were, so yea...

Thanks for the crit everybody. Page 6 just went up today.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:51PM
Hunterkirizaki at 2:14PM, Feb. 15, 2009
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Forgot to post here. Now up to Chapter 1, first 10 prologue pages up.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:51PM
Hunterkirizaki at 5:53PM, March 2, 2009
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joined: 8-28-2007
Bump. Up to the second page of Chapter 1.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:51PM
Hunterkirizaki at 6:04PM, Sept. 20, 2009
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joined: 8-28-2007
Lots of updating been done. Up to chapter 2 page 7.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:51PM
Hunterkirizaki at 10:55AM, Oct. 10, 2009
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Up to Chapter 2 Page 9

:D

PS, all the pages up to Chapter 2 Page 3 are now in full color. The pages will be updated in color as the colored pages are finished. It's being colored by Sarall from Smackjeeves.
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:51PM
Hunterkirizaki at 5:24PM, Nov. 3, 2009
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posts: 37
joined: 8-28-2007
Some more pages have been colored. The Drunkduck site is up to Chapter 2 Page 10, while the main site is a page ahead. http://kirizakicomics.com/

Check it out. I'd love your comments. :D
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:51PM
Hunterkirizaki at 6:10PM, Jan. 15, 2010
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posts: 37
joined: 8-28-2007
Up to Chapter 2 Page 14 over here on Drunkduck. Check it out, or be two pages ahead here
last edited on July 14, 2011 12:51PM

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