basically I just finally got done with chapter one...

so I would like your thoughts on the chapter as an whole, and your suggestions for future chapters. ^_^

keep in mind that the first chapter was set in the past... way in the past, as to give the reader a little bit of the history of the story....
and the second chapter is basically where the real story will start.

so I'd just love your comments and your thoughts on it, and what I could do to improve. ^_^

oh, and the link is in my siggy.

no comments to help me at all? :(

oh well, I just started chapter two. :)

yes, I have taken some themes from Japanese themes and styles...

but that's far as it goes. the rest of is totally american to me, or at least english. that's what I think so anyway. heck, it's not even set in japan at all!

and the imporant thing: it's based off Anime, not based off Manga! obivous by the fact that it's in full color, instead of in the tradational manga black and white which I would had gone for if I was actually basing it off manga, rather than just anime themes

As for the gore.. well, I happen to think that snice there was a WAR going on, and plus the Dark queen isn't one to hold back when it comes to people waging war against her... of course there would be gore!
war isn't pretty, obivously.
if you go to a war movie, you'd expect to see some gore. the same thing applies here. it's an story about an war.

As for the swearing... well, I just naturally use them, so of course it's in my comic. but I don't use them where they're unneeded... swearing is only done if the characters are upset or angry.
don't tell me you've never even once said "Shit!" if you found out that you were exemtely late for an imporant event, which would impact on how imporant people would think of you for the rest of the year?
it just seems unnatural to me that normal people, espeically people who aren't the type to mind swearing from others, would refrain from swearing when they've seen their friends die in front of them, or when they're highly upset about something else. they're not that much of an "goody-two-shoes" as that stupid name goes...

as for the sexuality/nudity.. meh, who cares? I did put an 18+ rating on it, you know. and again, this is just something I think to be realastic......
after all, in olden times, in many parts of the countries out there, nudity wasn't so taboo.. and espeically poor women would go without clothing at times. and the woman at the start was an poor woman who was stealing food from the castle for her children.

also for the nudity in battle... I've always found it stupid how in anime or whatever, when the girls and men get caught up into a explision, an deadly attack or whatever.. thier clothes and or armor always stay intact, with no signs of ruin or wear. at least they could do have the clothes be torn in some places.
so therefore, I'm just using that kind of logic in my comic.

so sorry if it's not as "clean" as you'd like it to be.

sorry if I sounded pissed off when I made that post yesterday..

I had just gotten out of an instense debate on a different fourm in which somebody was pissing me off...

but I just want you to know, I took no offense by your posts at all.
I do agree though, that my page layouts could do with some bit of jazzin' up. :)

I'll still stand by the rest of my posts though... this is an story about an war. and War is ever rarely clean and or gentle. so like in any war, there'll be some cussing, and a lot of gore. :)

Well, I just got reading through it too.

It seems to have an okay storyline. I can't say I really like the idea of Karla Lun being one of those 'tired with noble life' characters, but you didn't go too deeply into that, so I'm happy.

I did like your more realistic approach to the battle scenes, even if Eilith had a gun. (I just get hooked up over one thing...XD)

Some of your characters (Eilith especially) seemed sort of like 'throw-away characters', the type that die to make the situation look desperate. I would advise you to be a little bit more sympathetic to your characters and give them a little more than five to eight lines of speech before they die. This doesn't mean you have to be nice to them, babying characters is no fun either.

Text was sometimes hard to read, but I found the parts I could read very interesting. It sounds as though you've put some thought into what you're doing, which I appreciate.

Character designs were cute.

I'm no expert on panel layout, but I would suggest less panels. (You're much better about it later on in the story). All in all, you're doing a good job.

Yays!

yeah. the first chapter was sorta like an intro, so a lot of the characters didn't have enough to delevop.

however... I'll say this. just because they're dead doesn't mean they're out of the story. ;) they'll devlop more in flashbacks into the past and stuff, when people explain stuff in the present.

I won't say more than that, without giving away too much.

yeah, Karla Lun isn't so much as tired with noble life... but it's mostly her mother who ruined noble life for her. if that makes sense....
you know how when you were content with something, and then your parent came along and nagged you so much about how to do everything properly that you actually started disliking it? If her mother didn't do that, then she would had been perfectly content to stay in her noble lifestyle.

Okay. I really didn't actually find that much to critque. The storyline is interesting enough and the art is good. Very angular, which makes everything look cooler. Good figure-work.

I'm sad because I didn't really find anything wrong, therefore was not helpful to you.

magickmaker
Okay. I really didn't actually find that much to critque. The storyline is interesting enough and the art is good. Very angular, which makes everything look cooler. Good figure-work.

I'm sad because I didn't really find anything wrong, therefore was not helpful to you.

aww, that's alright. even if it wasn't criticism, some good feedback is still appericated. *hugs*
I hope you contuine to enjoy the story as much as you do.