My first comic here in DD:
http://www.drunkduck.com/Horizon

A fantasy adventure about a scruffy hero-for-hire archeologist/general scientist Niila. Humour, pro-nature propagandha and all that jazz. The real story kicks in during the first two chapters. Now it's 26 pages in lenght, just finishing the 1st chapter.
Will update 2-10 pages a week.

It's my first proper comic with over five pages, so I believe I really need some tips here -_-;


Feedback wanted:
- layout, I know it's not too clear
- language, narrative, I should hope it improves during the first chapter
- are the style changes too much?
- and whatever comes to yer mind

Small peek to steal your interest:



Thanks in advance! :D




.pau

A couple cents' worth of comments....

First of all, I *really* like the art and the style, and I wasn't thrown by any style differences you were asking about. I love sketchy styles when it's done right, and you did a fantastic job!

Language was ok; yeah there were some very minor quirks, but I thought the language was fine esp for someone who doesn't know English as a first language. Nice job.

I can't comment too much on the story, since we're just getting started, but so far so good.



Things I would change....
1) first page of excuses. Don't start off by apologizing, saying how sorry you are, etc. You've got a good comic, be proud of it!

2) the page of pitch black. It took me 2 minutes before I realized the page was finished uploading and that I needed to scroll down to continue. Yes, "fade to black" is great in movies, and it works fine in comics when it's one panel. But an entire page, I don't think it works.

3) proglogue, some things about Nilia: up to now we've only had 2 pages of art and text. Suddenly there are only word balloons in a back-and-forth conversation and I have no idea who is saying what to whom. I think it was too soon to go to only balloons with no reference to characters.

4) last page of prologue. An entire page of black with just one sentence, I don't think that works either. Again, I would have this as a last panel of a page, not an entire page itself.

5) Ch 1, pg 2. There are word balloons with brown letters and there are black captions with white words. I understand who is saying the word balloons, but I don't understand who is speaking the black captions. Are the characters I see saying this? Is there another character we don't know about yet saying this? Is it being used the same as the black captions earlier in the story, explaining the setting and time? I don't understand why some text are in the black captions.


So those are things I would change. But I'm telling you, I love the art, you have nothing to apologize for. I hope my comments were helpful. You're doing great so far, so keep on going and good luck!

Thanks A LOT for the tips :)

arteestx
2) the page of pitch black. It took me 2 minutes before I realized the page was finished uploading and that I needed to scroll down to continue. Yes, "fade to black" is great in movies, and it works fine in comics when it's one panel. But an entire page, I don't think it works.

Yeah, I came to that conclusion too... dropped it.

arteestx
3) proglogue, some things about Nilia: up to now we've only had 2 pages of art and text. Suddenly there are only word balloons in a back-and-forth conversation and I have no idea who is saying what to whom. I think it was too soon to go to only balloons with no reference to characters.

Hmm... I thought it would be clear enough; with Johanas being in the answering turn, the context and everything... But ye might be right. I won't use that trick so unclearly anymore :P

arteestx
4) last page of prologue. An entire page of black with just one sentence, I don't think that works either. Again, I would have this as a last panel of a page, not an entire page itself.

Sorry, but NO! I like it :D

arteestx
5) Ch 1, pg 2. There are word balloons with brown letters and there are black captions with white words. I understand who is saying the word balloons, but I don't understand who is speaking the black captions. Are the characters I see saying this? Is there another character we don't know about yet saying this? Is it being used the same as the black captions earlier in the story, explaining the setting and time? I don't understand why some text are in the black captions.

Ack. The ones without "" are narrative, the ones with "" are generally said by Niila. Only the ("Where?" ) "Close" is said by Johanas. Again, I thought the context would be enough to explain it. Dang O_o


And thanks again for the comment & critique!


.pau

50 actual comic pages! YEY! :D