In order to expand on my writing style and get some practice in I'm handing myself over to the internet. It's a pretty self explanatory idea, you tell me what you want me to write and I'll write a short story (or some other kind of short piece) about it. You can be as vague or specific as you want.
The rules:
1. No fanfiction (unless it's from your own work)
2. No "adult" material
3. No poetry

Here is an example of my work:
Somniphobia
The lights are all out, the curtains are drawn, my world is dark. But still I don’t sleep. It is the third straight sleepless night and I can hear my body screaming that it needs rest. My rational mind screams just as loudly, it is afraid for it’s life and rightly so; I’m starving it.
The loan renegade keeping me in the realm of waking is my irrational mind. It has chained itself to the tree of consciousness to stop the bulldozers sleep has employed. My irrational mind is even more afraid than his rational brother. He’s afraid of the pain that comes in the dreams. His brother tells him it’s all psychosomatic but he doesn’t care.
The pain feels real.
The pain must be real.
Finally the chains are cut away, and irrational is dragged off kicking and screaming. The darkness is replaced by a grey mist. Then out of the mist comes a bright vibrant world. It is the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen. Everyone I care about is there, even my long dead grandmother. My eyes feel with tears of joy.
But then the light shifts. I see that all the beauty had been an illusion. I am in a grotesque twisted place, and I am surrounded by strangers who bear only slight resemblances to my loved ones. These strangers have cruel eyes and they stare at me in disgust. One of them pulls a gun.
There is a loud blast. My ears begin to throb and the sounds around me become muffled, hidden by a high pitched ringing.
The bullet rips into my flesh. There is a violent stabbing pain in my shoulder quickly accompanied by intense burning. Warm blood pours down my arm. Cold tears run down my face, a cruel contrast to the burning in my shoulder.
The man with the gun is standing over me, glaring. I can smell him now, it’s the scent of rotted meat.
He fires again.
This time it’s much worse. I’ve been shot in the stomach. There is no stabbing pain this time, only the burning. The heat in my stomach has a liquid feel to it, like lava flowing through my organs one by one. I look down and am horrified to see my intestines, desperately I try to put them back in but that only intensifies the burning.
I scream.
I feel drained and sickly. I feel more of my organs slipping out but I don’t have the strength to hold them back anymore.
The pain is receding.
It is being replaced by a numbness.
I’m horrified.
I try to fight it, to focus on the pain that lets me know I’m still alive, but it’s no use. The pain is becoming more and more distant. Finally the numbness is all that remains. All light fades, all sound, smell, taste. I experience sensory deprivation for what feels like a lifetime. I silently wish for the harsh boom of the gun, the strangers putrid scent, the sight of my own organs, I even wish for the pain. Anything, anything but the hell of nothingness.
Finally I wake. The pain returns immediately. There is a half second of relief, then the pain makes me scream. I clutch my stomach with on hand and my shoulder with the other. For several minutes the burning continues, while I cry silently in the dark room. Even after the pain subsides I continue crying. When I’m finally able to stop I leave my room and go to the kitchen. As I make a pot of coffee I look at the clock. It reads three A.M.
I turn the T.V. on and heave a sigh, resigned to another sleepless night.

Something about apples.

A children's book style about a giant rolling honeydew with a mouth named Chunk (who's impulsive, loud, and hungry) and a little girl trying to guide him to do the right thing. Chunk learns something moral.

It's been on my mind for a while but I can't bring myself to do it. Mostly I use the concept to torment my roommate.

OK, I put this up on facebook as well so I have a list, I'll add your guys's now.
1. Magical ninja unicorn crime fighters (finished)
2. Rules of engagement for all girls sleep over
3. Squirrle Armageddon
4. Zombie/acid rain Armageddon
5. Me dieing of Lightning/squirrle aids
6. A story about my family
7. Something nice about my mom
8. A story about the past versus the future; a physicist and a time traveler. It starts in a mountainous commonwealth in a universe where time travel occurs by magic. The physicist stumbles upon a time traveler who is only one of an entire culture. The tim travelers often go back in time, or speed it up (it's their entire way of life) but they are never supposed to get caught!
9. Something about apples
10. A children's book style about a giant rolling honeydew with a mouth named Chunk (who's impulsive, loud, and hungry) and a little girl trying to guide him to do the right thing. Chunk learns something moral.

About a day in your mother's "shoes".

1337 your vile request shall be added to the list. This project is going on hiatus until I can buy a new laptop charger though because the one I have now was devoured by a dog.

write a porn story about the smurfs , be sure to include poet smurf !

Lothar... you are brilliant. But I won't be writing that one, sorry.
Anyways, I should have a charger within the next couple days so I'll start posting the finished ones and get back to writing soon.
The list:
1. Magical ninja unicorn crime fighters (finished)
2. Rules of engagement for all girls sleep over (finished)
3. Squirrle Armageddon
4. Zombie/acid rain Armageddon
5. Me dieing of Lightning/squirrle aids
6. A story about my family
7. Something nice about my mom
8. A story about the past versus the future; a physicist and a time traveler. It starts in a mountainous commonwealth in a universe where time travel occurs by magic. The physicist stumbles upon a time traveler who is only one of an entire culture. The tim travelers often go back in time, or speed it up (it's their entire way of life) but they are never supposed to get caught!
9. Something about apples
10. A children's book style about a giant rolling honeydew with a mouth named Chunk (who's impulsive, loud, and hungry) and a little girl trying to guide him to do the right thing. Chunk learns something moral.
11. A day in my mother's shoes.

The League of Super Magical Ninja Unicorns of Justice

The mayor gave a loud gulp as the letter slipped from his sweaty hands.
“Larry!” he yelled, never having taken to the extravagant contraption know as the intercom.
The shy young assistant Larry entered and stuttered “Wh-wh-what is it s-sir?”
“We need us some of them super heroes. Call The Justice League! Call The Avengers!”
Larry stared at his boss in confusion.
“Now, Larry. Call them now gosh dern it!”
Scurrying off the assistant picked up the phone only to realize that he didn’t, in fact, know the phone number of any super heroes. After rummaging through his desk for several minutes Larry pulled out a phone book and turned to the yellow pages. “L-Lets, see I n-need S for s-s-s-superhero.” after singing the alphabet song to himself he managed to find the super hero section, and was shocked to find that there were only two numbers present. He tried Homeless Man first, but got a pay phone answered by an angry fellow who seemed to be speaking German.
The second number belonged to the League of Super Magical Ninja Unicorns of Justice. This time the phone was answered by a soothing voice that sang rather than spoke the words “Hello, you’ve reached the super secret ultra answering machine of the League of Super Magical Ninja Unicorns of Justice please leave a message after the beep.”
Sighing Larry left his number and a message to call back as soon as possible.
Several hours later they called back. “Sorry about that. We were out playing tag with some pixies in the land of happiness and joy. What did you need?” they sang.
“Th-that’s okay” Larry replied, “W-W-We ne-need you at th-the m-mayors o-o-office.” Suddenly there was a flash of light and four unicorns were standing in front of Larry.
One of them stepped forward. He, like the others, wore a rainbow colored mask, tights, and cape. “I am Albert, wielder of the rainbow ninja star.” he sang. “We have come to help.”
“Uh-uhm y-you c-c-c-can g-go on in and se-see the m-m-mayor.” the confused assistant stuttered, pointing to the door.
Once the Super Unicorns had gathered in his office the Mayor twirled his handlebar mustache and eyed the hero’s skeptically. “Y’all are super heroes?”
“Si senior” sang Jose, master of the tonfa of butterflies and the groups token minority.
“Well if y’all say so. Anywho, one o’ them super villains has taken that there bakery hostage. I got this here ransom letter.” He handed the letter to Charlie who was skilled in the art of sunshine ninjitsu.
“Dear mayor, I have taken the bakery hostage. If you ever want to see your beloved apple cobbler again send twenty dollars. Signed The Realist” Charlie read in his sing song voice. “This is certainly no laughing matter, we will stop this ‘Realist’ right away.”
Across town at the bakery there was a sudden flash of light and the unicorns appeared in front of The Realist, who sat behind the counter holding a spoon above an apple cobbler menacingly.
“Stop right there evil doer!” sang Tom while pulling out his Sai of warm fuzzy feelings. “We don’t want to hurt you, put the cobbler down and surrender.”
The Realist just looked at them with a bored expression on his face. “You can’t hurt me anyway.”
“Yes we can.”
“No you can’t.”
“Yeah huh.”
“Nuh uh.”
“Why not?”
“Because unicorns don’t exist.”
The unicorns all gasped in terror and fell to their knees in pain.
“What’s wrong with you guys?”
“Reality is our only weakness” Charlie managed to sing between painful gasps.
“Really? I figured the whole not actually existing thing would be your weakness.”
With that statement the Unicorns faded from existence forever. The League of Super Magical Ninja Unicorns of Justice was no more.
All across the world little girls broke into hysterical fits of tears.
Meanwhile The Realist ate the mayors cobbler with a smug grin.

I based this one on these rules of engagement.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/3/35/Operation_Provide_Relief.Rules_of_Engagement.jpg [upload.wikimedia.org]

ROE For an All Girls Sleep Over

Nothing in these rules of engagement limits your right to take appropriate action to defend yourself or your bff.
A. You have the right to start rumors about how “Stacey is so totally bulimic” in order to defend yourself against her use of rumors or threats to use rumors.
B. If Jennifer says that her boyfriend is hotter than yours you totes have the right to call her slut.
C. If Lacey’s all “whatever” you should be all “nuh uh” but go easy on her ‘cause she’s just PMSing.
D. Always bring your own tampons.
E. If Jessica tries to get all up in your face you can tell her parents about how she snuck out to go to a party last weekend ‘cause Kevin was there and she thinks he’s like so cure so that she gets grounded.
Remember
1. You’re not there to deal with the drama.
2. Don’t be a bitch.
3. Try not to make anyone ruin they’re make up.
4. Always be prepared to fake crying.

I don't remember proof reading this one, that might be bad.

John didn’t dare to breathe, though the heat of the summer night was suffocating. He held his machine gun tight against his chest in the same way a child hugs there safety blanket when they hear noises in the dark night. But the enemy that John feared wasn’t the imagined terrors of a childish imagination, no, this threat was all too real. He could here their harsh, high pitched, cries all around the old farmhouse.
What are they waiting for? They know I’m in here, so why haven’t they breached? Do they think it’s a trap? Are they waiting for reinforcements?
The questions flew through John’s mind one after another as he hid in the closet, waiting for the monsters outside to make their move.
He didn’t have to wait long.
The sounds of breaking glass and splintering wood soon exploded through the whole house. John’s heart began to pound as he prepared himself to come out fighting. He knew he would die, but he was resolved to kill as many of the bastards as he could. He could hear the soft scraping of paws on the hard wood floor outside the closet now. Whispering a prayer he kicked open the door and started firing.
Small brown blurs shot all across the floor and up the walls, hissing violently. One of John’s bullets hit its mark and the creature let out a terrible shriek as it exploded in a shower of gore.
But it was a small victory. One of the other beasts leapt from a wall and landed on John’s shoulder. It’s needle like claws ripped into his flesh it’s long bushy tail blinded him, and a pair fangs tore into his arm. Before he could even scream two more where on him. One was attempting to hamstring him from behind. The other tore the his trigger from his hand completely.
Finally John screamed as he fell to the ground. Immediately a crushing weight pinned him down and his skin was ripped from his body by hundreds of claws and teeth. Just as he thought he was going to die. There was a loud screech. The weight lifted from his body. After several seconds John managed to raise his head enough to see what was happening.
Nearly a hundred of the creatures were staring at him, they’re black beady eyes filled with hate. Only one still remained on top of him. It was slightly larger than the rest and it was eating a walnut as it stared into Johns eyes. Unlike the others this one had no hatred in its stare, only a cold emptiness. As he looked into those eyes John felt his hart beat for the last time.
A celebratory shriek filled the air as the vile monsters feasted on their latest prey. The squirrel army was one step closer to its goal of complete human extinction.

how the 3rd reich needed to learn to skateboard.

1. Zombie/acid rain Armageddon (halfway finished)
2. Me dieing of Lightning/squirrle aids
3. A story about my family
4. Something nice about my mom
5. A story about the past versus the future; a physicist and a time traveler. It starts in a mountainous commonwealth in a universe where time travel occurs by magic. The physicist stumbles upon a time traveler who is only one of an entire culture. The tim travelers often go back in time, or speed it up (it's their entire way of life) but they are never supposed to get caught!
6. Something about apples
7. A children's book style about a giant rolling honeydew with a mouth named Chunk (who's impulsive, loud, and hungry) and a little girl trying to guide him to do the right thing. Chunk learns something moral.
8. A day in my mother's shoes.
9. How the 3rd reich needed to learn to skateboard.

I will be adding on to this one after all the other requests have been done.

“We are two mariners our ships sole survivors.” Frank sang from his makeshift bed at the top of a wood pallet tower. I threw an empty water bottle at him and got a satisfactory “Ouch”. He leered over the side of his tower and grumbled “What was that for?”
“You were singing again.”
“Well excuse me for trying to brighten the mood.”
Outside a chorus of undead grunts started up. “See Frank, even the zombies came to tell you to shut up.” I hadn’t even noticed that the rain had stopped, but if the zombies were out it had to haven been half an hour ago at the least. They didn’t know much, but they sure as hell knew not to go out in the rain.
“Eat a dick Sue.” Frank called down before rolling back onto his bed and humming to himself.
With things relatively quiet I went back to taking stock of our supplies. There was enough food to last at least another month but we would have to forage for bottled water again before the end of the week. When I was done writing my assessment down I drew an X through the date on the calendar. Normally this was just a mechanical motion, but today the date caught my eye. It was the fourth of November, four months since the bombs, three since the acid rains started and the zombies came, two since I‘d last seen someone I knew from before the bombs, and one and a half since I’d happened to find this warehouse and Frank. But all of those events seemed vague to me now. The months could just as easily have been years.
Sighing I walked to my own pile of pallets and curled up under my tattered blanket. As I drifted off I could hear Frank singing “Di-di-did you hear the falling bombs? The flames are all long gone but the pain lingers on.”
* * *

“God damn it Frank wake up.” I shook him as hard as I could without bringing his tower down on top of me.
“I don’t wana” he grumbled pulling his blanket over his head.
“Come on, we need water.”
“We’ll be fine, you can survive off your piss for like a week. I saw it on the Discovery Channel.”
“This is serious.”
“So was the dream I was having, but that didn’t stop you from climbing up here all King Kong like and pushing me around, now did it?”
Giving an annoyed grunt I climbed down, “Fine, we’ll go later.”
“Well I’m up now, we may as well go.” He yawned and climbed down after me, ignoring my glare.
We threw on our rain ponchos, Frank grabbed the shotgun and shells and we headed to the back entrance of he warehouse. It took us just under half an hour to move everything we’d used to barricade the door. Then it was just a matter of waiting for the rain to quit. We sat next to the door for what felt like hours. Then, all at once, the tapping on the roof stopped.
As we stepped out the door Frank sang “That weatherman’s a liar he said it’d be raining, but it’s clear and blue as far as I can see.” under his breath. But as it turned out Franks nonexistent weather man was right, a slight drizzle still fell from the grey sky. The ponchos kept most of it off but when the occasional drop hit exposed skin there was an immediate burning sensation. We ducked our heads to keep our faces covered and jogged toward the nearest warehouse that remained un-raided.
As we made our way through the corroded streets I scanned every doorway and sheltered area, knowing that they could be teeming with zombies at any second. Gapping holes in the buildings and skeletons completely stripped of all flesh served as a reminder of what would happen if the weather turned on us.
But luck was with us and we made it to one of the areas many storehouses without incident. Cautiously we stepped through the open loading dock, Frank holding the gun at the ready and me following him as closely as possible. We crept down the first aisle we saw, Frank keeping watch for the undead while I scanned the racks for water. Large packs of snack foods were stacked on the pallets, that was a good sign. As we approached the end of the aisle a noise could be heard, it was a noise we both knew well: the sound of a feeding zombie.
Motioning for me to stay where I was Frank snuck ahead and peaked around the corner. After a few seconds he motioned for me to follow. As silently as I could manage I walked to him.
“Water.” he whispered nodding in the direction of the noises.
I nodded to confirm that I had heard and he held three fingers up.
Two.
One.
Turning the corner he raised the gun.
An undead woman looked up from her feast and gave an unintelligible moan. As it rose Frank fired. The zombie’s head exploded in a grotesque shower of blood and brain matter.
I sprinted towards the pallet behind the two corpses and grabbed a pack of bottled water. When I turned around I made a mistake, I looked at the zombie’s victim.
I had assumed before that she had been feeding on one of its own kind, as zombies were known to do, but I could see now that I’d been wrong. There was no sign of rotted flesh, this corpse was fresh. He’d been in his late teens or perhaps early twenties, and a tangled mess of brown hair failed to hide a too long nose, cheek bones that were to wide apart and an almost nonexistent jaw line. He was beautiful. Mere hours ago he’d been alive and he’d been so close to us. If we’d have gone looking for water a day earlier we might have found him, might have saved him.
I heard Frank yelling but the words didn’t make any sense, then he was pulling me away. Everything after that was like a half remembered dream. There were loud booms and shambling corpses but none of that seemed real, only the dead mans face was real to me. After a time I became aware that we were back in our warehouse and Frank was leaning against the barricaded door panting. I looked down and saw pale, blistered hands clutching a case of water, I hadn’t even realized I still had it. With an effort I let go of the case, before it even hit the ground there were tears in my eyes. The next thing I knew I was sitting on the cold floor sobbing. Then Frank was holding me and gently singing a song. I could tell it was both beautiful and tragic but I could barely hear him over the sounds of my own sobs. The only words I could make out were “I’m never gonna know you now but I’m gonna love you anyhow.”
To Be Continued

The song lyrics I used are: "The Mariner's Revenge Song" by The Decemberists, "Goodbye Blue Sky" by Pink Floyd, "Take it Easy (Love Nothing)" by Bright Eyes, and "Waltz #2" by Elliott Smith.

A Tale From My Death Bed, or How I Died, or Here’s Your Damn Story David
I am dieing.
The doctors tell me I have, at most, a month left. My friends and family have started betting on how long I’ll make it. They have already started dividing all of my possessions among themselves, I hear there was quite the dispute over my hats. All that’s left for me to do is to write my tale and hope it’s not too late to save a few of you poor souls.
It all started when I was but a wee lad. I had been skipping merrily through the streets of my hometown (careful not to step on any of those meatheads who blessed all of our sidewalks with their presence) when suddenly a hideous creature jumped off of a tree branch and landed on my shoulder. This monster was, of course, a squirrel. The fiend tried to rip my throat out with vicious fangs. A normal human would never have stood a chance, but I am no normal human ;I used my Bruce Campbell like chin to fight the squirrel off, and with on final chin thrust I decapitated the animal.
It was this event that lead me to investigate the supposedly innocent animals who infest the worlds every tree. Using a clever disguise made of fur and duct tape I infiltrated the squirrels society, uncovering their secret plot to destroy all of humanity.
Realizing that even with my near infinite power I would need help I turned to the government. But, much to my dismay, I discovered that the enemy had complete control over every single country’s government (Well, except Canada. But really what good would an alliance with Canada have done me anyway? I mean they have like four soldiers).
Without an army to back I was forced to launch a covert war against the beasts. This bloody war lasted more than ten years. During that decade I held the entire squirrel horde at bay single handedly. I also foiled over nine thousand assassination attempts. I was invincible.
But then, in the summer of my eighteenth year, the squirrels discovered my only weakness: my nipples. This weakness was revealed to them by the only people who knew it, my nemesis David and the hell spawn he took as his bride. With this knowledge the squirrels were able to sneak up on me whilst I slept and inject me (through my nipples) with the only sickness that could cause me any harm, Squirrel AIDS.
This disease greatly weakened me, so much so that when I had the great misfortune of being stuck by lightning twenty eight times the very next day I barely survived. The doctors did all they could, but it wasn’t enough.
That is where my tale ends. I am powerless now and soon enough I will be dead. Leaving the squirrels free to do as they please to the world.
Dear reader, I urge you to prepare for the inevitable squirrel Armageddon that will precede my death. Gather as much food and weaponry as you can and find an easy to defend location clear of any trees. It’s your only hope.
Farewell and good luck.

I'd like you to write me a story about A man that grew himself an extra set of arms, by sheer willpower.

That should be an interesting one to write, thank you Kroatz.

1. A story about my family
2. Something nice about my mom
3. A story about the past versus the future; a physicist and a time traveler. It starts in a mountainous commonwealth in a universe where time travel occurs by magic. The physicist stumbles upon a time traveler who is only one of an entire culture. The tim travelers often go back in time, or speed it up (it's their entire way of life) but they are never supposed to get caught!
4. Something about apples
5. A children's book style about a giant rolling honeydew with a mouth named Chunk (who's impulsive, loud, and hungry) and a little girl trying to guide him to do the right thing. Chunk learns something moral.
6. A day in my mother's shoes.
7. How the 3rd reich needed to learn to skateboard.
8.A story about a man that grew himself an extra set of arms, by sheer willpower.

I finally got back to writing these things.

Life Character Descriptions
The following is an excerpt from "Something or Another" magazine:
In and attempt to help new readers along author Jacob VanGundy has added a character summary page to his latest novel in the best selling series Life. While the book isn't slated to be released until next April we got a sneak peak at some of these character descriptions. Bellow are the descriptions of the books hero Jake as well as his siblings as they will appear in volume Life volume XIX.

Jake: As the hero of Life Jake is a symbol of everything that is good in the world. He stands against all the great evils that threaten the world such as: mainstream music, optimists, people who don’t capitalize the word “I“, and squirrels. The whole world bends to Jake’s will out of both respect and fear of his sheer awesomeness.

Josh: One of Jakes many nemesi…er…nemesisis…nemeses, yeah, that’s it. As the oldest brother Josh feels as though he is somehow superior to his siblings despite clearly lacking any redeemable qualities. The only talent he has is being a jerk. He utilizes this ability against Jake on a regular basis by doing things like convincing the entire family that Jake had contracted gonorrhea. Despite his many attempts to sully his brothers name Josh remains a mere shadow of Jake.

Jessie: The second oldest of the family, Jessie's primary function in Life is to provide Jake with food. Her cupboards and fridge is always filled with food for the sole purpose of feeding Jake whenever he arrives. She also cooks for him whenever he honors her home with his presence. In recent installments she sent Jake provisions as he held the town of Chadron under siege.

Willy: The third oldest, he is a fun loving gamer. Many of Jake's interests, such as his fascination with Japanese culture, can be traced back to Willy's influence. Although Willy and Jake get along for the most part Jake does hold a grudge against Willy for his having sold countless video games just before Jake beat them.

Jackie: The second youngest, she is very naive and will believe almost anything she is told. She is, however, also very likeable and easy to get along with. She often provides comic relief in the story (often not intentionally) and is, for the most part on good terms with the other siblings.

I'm finally doing the things you guys actually asked for. Hooray and stuff.
Here's Alwins request for "something about apples".

Tom was a plump, shiny, Red Delicious in the ripe of his life. He had spent most of his life on an orchid surrounded by his own people, supported and fed by the Mother Tree.
In those early days he had aspired to be one of the apples that the Gods would one day choose to take to Heaven. Stubbornly Tom had survived drought, fended off monstrous insects, and even made it through the early frost that claimed so many of his siblings. Then, just after the frost the Gods came and began to choose which apples they would take to heaven this time. Those who had been crippled by the many natural disasters of the season were thrown to the ground, some of the more sickly splattered, leaving grotesque stains at the mother trees trunk.
When the time of judgment finally came for Tom he did his best to put on a brave face despite his fears. When the God in charge of his judgment plucked him from the Mother Tree, Tom panicked and for a moment he was sure he would be discarded like Sam and Bob and so many others. But after examining Tom for a few seconds the God saw fit to put him into his basket to Heaven.
For a long time Tom sat in the basket with the others who had been strong enough to make it in to the basket. As the God continued to make his rounds we all chatted excitedly about what Heaven would be like.
Then, when the basket could hold no more we were taken to a dark place. After a time the dark place began to shake and make loud noises. We were in the dark place for many hours and there was some debate as to whether we were in Heaven or Purgatory. As for myself I never believed this horrid place could be Heaven.
When the light came back I was proven right. We were pulled from the darkness of purgatory and placed together in a large bin. There were other apples around us. Apples the likes of which I had never seen, with skins of green and yellow. There were also other strange creatures that weren't apples at all. Some of them were long and yellow, others were giant green creatures. Every day Gods walked about pushing metal carts, taking those of us they saw as worthy and placing them in the carts alongside brightly colored boxes and other odd objects.
The general consensus among my fellow Red Delicious's was that this was another stage of purgatory. At first I followed this belief as well. Surely one day a God would pick me up and carry me off to Heaven so long as I continued to endure.
But everything changed when I met Sue. Sue was a Gala Apple and she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Her shiny skin was red with stripes of gold, giving her an exotic beauty that no Red Delicious could ever hope to match. Shyly I struck up a conversation with her and we became fast friends. Friendship turned to flirtation. Filtration turned to love. Those days with Sue were the happiest days of my life. It was at that time that I decided I had to be in Heaven. I couldn't imagine an afterlife more sweet or beautiful than there with Sue.
But it wasn't to last. The Gods saw fit to take me from my personal heaven. One moment I was telling Sue a joke, the next I was being put in a plastic bag and thrown in one of the metal carts. First I screamed in horror, but the Gods were deaf to my desperate cries. I was taken to conveyor belt where one God put me on a scale and the one who had taken me gave the scale God green paper. Then it was back to the cart and in to an even larger metal cart, so large that even the God got inside. This cart shook and made noise in the same way that Purgatory had. Afraid and alone I wept until the cart stopped and I was taken to a bowl filled with other creatures that I had seen in Heaven. These creatures wept as well, and they told me this was a horrible place, worse even than Purgatory. As if to emphasize this point the God grabbed one of the tall yellow creatures and peeled its skin back to reveal its soft organs. The God then devoured the creatures innards, tossing the skin in a plastic bin.
Day after my companions and I huddled together and watched as the monstrous God claimed us one by one. Then one day the God chose me. It's giant hand plucked me from among the others and without hesitation He tore in to my flesh with His teeth. I screamed in pain but it didn't do me any good. The God took another bight, then another, and another. As my consciousness faded to black I found myself thinking of beautiful Sue and praying to the very God who was devouring me that she wouldn't suffer my fate.

The story of a man and his shapeshifting power to turn into I am the 1337 Master and post dirty things all over the internet and how 1337 finds this man who has been disgracing his name and kicks ass.
If such man has an ass that is.


That would be pretty epic...

I will write that for you. But I am horrible so I probably won't start on it for five years or something.

A brief story about Jughead from the Archies comics fighting off Shaggy from Scooby-Doo in a Battle of the Bands contest.

Jughead owns a ska band.
Shaggy owns a grunge death metal band.

(I wouldn't call this fan-fiction; do it in the vein of a parody movie synopsis or something.)

Anthro!!! :)

OK, I'll add anthro and Shaggy vs. Jughead to the list.

Hahahaha, yessss. xD Awesome. The fact that their band clinchers are different than the norm of style should be fun to use the imagination on. Good luck.