I may be a newbie here, but I couldn't pass up the chance to try this challenge. I could've made this much longer, but I decided to keep it within 1,000 words. So here is the slightly musical VP fanfic. Enjoy.
It was supposed to be a simple task for Topaz.
He was just supposed to search through this now hollowed hardware store and look for some duct tape. He was a little nicked at being assigned such a meaningless task, but he went along with it, lest he incur the wrath of Jack for some stupid reason.
Suddenly, he heard the noise ofâ€¦Latin music?
He walked outside into the abandoned parking lot of the hardware store, completely darkened except for the moonlight, as there was no power to feed the streetlights.
The music got louder as he walked towards the source. Suddenly, he heard the voices of men arguing.
â€œDammit Jose! Did you put The Clubâ„¢ on the steering wheel again!â€
â€œSi, Senor Blade!â€
â€œWhy did you do that? What if we have to make a fast getaway?â€
â€œWell, the vampires wonâ€™t steal the truck at least!â€
â€œWhy would they steal the truck? They could run half as fast as thing goes, and some can fly!â€
â€œWait, there he is!â€ The man named â€œSenor Bladeâ€ shouted, unsheathing a rapier and pointing at Topaz.
â€œWho are you?â€ Topaz cocked an eyebrow at this strange man.
â€œYou ask my name, vile servant of the darkness? You ask who I am? Jose, Martin, Esteban, George, tell this creature who I am before I bring him before his maker!â€ Senor Blade made a pair of whipping motions with his rapier, the silver reflecting the moonlight off the blade.
â€œWho is this man, you ask?
Who is this glorious hero?
The conquistador of carnage?
The destroyer of demons?
He is the one, the onlyâ€¦Senor Blade!â€
The mariachi with a guitar started strumming a couple of chords on his strings, soon followed by the one with a trombone, and then one with maracas.
Sen-yor Blade, Sen-yor Blade,
Hunts demons by night, fights for love by day.
Who faces the darkness, and spits in its face?
Senor Blade! Senor Blade!
Topaz couldnâ€™t help but laugh, â€œYou people arenâ€™t serious, are you?â€
â€œShhhh, listen to the music, it shall be a fitting background for your death, vampire.â€ With that, Senor Blade charged forward with his silver rapier, the vampire barely dodging the strokes, as the mariachi band continued to sing.
Born and raised, in Mexico,
Just before the rise of the vampire (vampire!)
There just stood, a little boy,
And what was his name? *pause* Senor Blade!
Then came the day, of the tragedy,
The same one that has sent mis amigos to their graves!
Topaz tried to grab the manâ€™s arm and disarm him, but Senor Blade spun around and poked him twice with his silver rapier. What the Hell? Heâ€™s as fast as I am! How is that possible?
â€¦But one little child, vowed to make them pay!
(Who?) Senor Blade! (Who?) Senor Blade!
One day he was bitten by Dracula himself,
We were all afraid that he was far from help,
But with Godâ€™s sweet grace he had a new name,
One that has showered him with all of our fame!
Senor Blade! Senor Blade!
The mariachi on the guitar kept strumming while the other two stopped playing their instruments and kept repeating â€œSenor Blade!â€ In hushed voices. Meanwhile, Senor Blade himself was getting awfully close to hitting him with his silver rapier. How could a human move so fast?
As the two mariachis repeated â€œSenor Bladeâ€ in hushed tones, the lead mariachi lowered his voice to normal volume while the man on the guitar kept on playing.
Face it vampire, your day is through!
Your mortal soul has come unglued,
And now your body, shall join it too,
With the rest of you! (Senor Blade!)
He has the speed of a vampire,
The strength of one too!
He can go across a river without a canoe!
(Donâ€™t you mean a coffin?) Indeed I do!
Senor Blade! Senor Blade!
The man playing the guitar stopped, while the man on the trombone resumed playing. The guitar strummer then gave voice to his own solo.
Now the time has come, to say goodbye,
In heaven youâ€™ll float, or in hell youâ€™ll fry,
Which one will you go to?
What virtues have you denied?
Senor Blade, the champion of light!
He has accepted your challenge
And he shall win this fight!
Cower, puny vampire, under his might!
Senor Blade, Senor Blade!
The three mariachis then broke out once more into their chorus as they each went back to playing their instruments. The vampire felt himself being pushed backwards against the truck, the rapier making small cuts along his arms, and a couple wide scratches across his stomach. The cuts werenâ€™t healing as fast as they shouldâ€™ve been, and Topaz was losing blood.
â€œSenor vampire! You are muy fast!â€ Senor Blade shouted, â€œBut I am afraid this dance has gone on too long! It is time to end it!â€ As Senor Blade prepared for one final strike at his throat, Topaz realized he had one option leftâ€¦
Jack let out a huge laugh, â€œCâ€™mon, mariachis? Senor Blade? Nice story, If you didnâ€™t want to help fix that crack in the house, why didnâ€™t you just say so?â€
â€œDammit, I knew you wouldnâ€™t believe me!â€ Topaz shouted back, â€œYouâ€™re not gonna be smiling when Senor Blade looks for revenge after I bit the head off one of his mariachis!â€
â€œPfft, yeah right. What, is he gonna dance fight me to death?â€ Suddenly, the sound of Latin dance music came from outside the room. As Jack walked downstairs and Topaz disgusted at the thought of those mariachis showing up again.
As they walked downstairs, the saw Jill pushing the buttons on an old stereo. Turning to Topaz, she said, â€œI just wondered if the CD player still worked. You okay Topaz?â€
Topaz opened his mouth to say something, then thought better of it and walked away. â€œFirst chance I get, Iâ€™m burning that stereo,â€ he muttered.