Hello people of the duck that stays under the influence 24/7 (unless they decide to freeze it again, ugh!)! I am going to try to review books every week here. I will take requests and if you would like the criticism, your own stories. I must warn you, I'm a bit harsh at times. If you disagree with anything I say or are offended by it, tell me, do not rant some crap about it. Kay? Most of the time I'm joking anyway so just look at it that way if you don't love it.
Enjoy,
-the 1337 Master


Relic by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child

Genre: Mystery/Science Fiction
Summary: Three years ago in 1987 an expedition gone wrong led to a rumor of a curse and a series of brutal mutilations. Now when the crates in which the artifacts are used for an exhibit, the killings come back again in the Museum of Narural History. New rumors of the curse are in the air, rumors that a monster is in the museum. They need to find the killer before the exhibit opens or else many murders will follow; kill being a light term here, of course.

Rating: 6.5/10
I will admit that this book is worth reading. It is horrific at times, grotesquely written, and the mystery of the creature is as clever as ever. It uses correct science to back up these "monstrous" theories. On a negative note, the science used is often confusing and unnecessary to deliver the point of the story. A few characters often bore me because they are, at times, contradicting their characteristics with some of their actions and strangely unrealistic. The monster attacks near the end of the book are not timed that evenly since it doesn't take ten seconds to get from the furthest ends of a basement to an attic in a building like that. Another few events that annoy me are when Margot (main character. female student under a scientist at the museum) is attacked by the monster in pure darkness and simply is able to run from the monster and when Penderson (another main character. FBI agent) is not smelt by the creature. The monster has twenty times more agility and better "smelling senses" than any goddmaned human there ever was (Chuck Norris not included). The last chapter and the epilogue annoy me too, seeing as they fit too much information in there, and too awkwardly too. All in all (for lack of better way to end this review), the book was suspenseful, keeping me reading it, and I may eventually read the sequel, Reliquary.

This is a good idea! I'm all for book reviews, just wish I had more time to dedicate to reading these days! (though I am sort of a speed-reader when I do get to)
I do love me some sci fi and monsters. I can understand the plot hole gripes there though, those seem like some big ones. Whilst I do enjoy a scientific explanation that's well thought out, it does get a fair bit annoying when the author feels that everything needs to be lain out on the line. They should have more faith in the suspension of disbelief! ^_^
Now let's hope the sequel IS Chuck Norris vs. the monster...in a smelling/agility contest!

Hey, a reply from Amelius! cool. :). But from noone else. Sigh. Guess no one cares about reading anymore. I mean it's not like the TV's broken or anything! :)

Yeah the science was too "sciencey" and a little futuristic.

I read the begining of the sequel and they find two bodies in the river. I don't get how it's connected...

Another thing was that on the cover of the aedition I read it said that the book was "better than Chricton's Jurrasic Park" which I disagree with and say that they were equal. Almost the same story too. :(

No suggestions for next book? If not I'm gonna review "The Knife of Never Letting Go" by Patrick Ness. It's young adult BUT I really liked it. Ten times better than the Giver and funny to boot. It also had some issues which you must wait for. :)

-the 1337 master

Second Review here. But no one but me, Ozone, and Amelius know about it. I'll try and get it in the news...


The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness
Genre: Science Fiction (Young Adult)
Summary: Tom finds out that his life has been a lie and is trying to protect a girl-the onle girl he's ever met, the lie being that all the girls on the new world died of a disease. (Sorry but that summary sucks. Couldn't think of a way to summarize it...)
Rating: 8/10
I was in the library, bored, without any book to read or meaningless thing to rant about on a certain aqcatic mallard under the influence of a website when I spotted this book. This book had a really attention-drawing cover-creepy red sky plus characters plus random words in cool scripts on the bottom of the screen (and not to mention it was shiny and had the brand new book smell!). I noticed two things. One, the book was a young adult book and two, it was the first book in a series and usually those two things drive me away from a book in an instant. I sighed and almost put it away but with a title like that-YOU CAN'T (except The Town That Forgot How to Breathe-TERRIBLE!!!). This book was really appealing to me. It was funny, quite original most of the way, and had the most adorable character I have ever read (Manchee the dog which I know a dog as a character usually sucks but this one was AMAZING!)! Honest to god, this dog was exactly how I imagine a dog's thoughts to flow out if they could speak in real life. My favorite scene featuring him is on page...74 (I think-when I find it out I'll tell you. let's just say it deals with "Poo"). And what breaks my heart is that the dog is fucking killed by a crazy guy from Tom's town. For the rest of the book it is not as funny and more of a survival story than anything else. Um...negative aspects...I don't really see the potential and needing for a second book (and so on). I kinda like an "(almost)everyone is dead/the badguys win" ending. :). Sometimes thae book reminds me of Lois Lowry's the Giver, which as most people my age learn, is one of the worst books in the history of books (but not THE worst), and sometimes it IS the Giver. The book did have a very interesting "thought process". Crazy thought stuff (heh, I didn't even mention "the noise in there") + naive kid, girl, and dog = chaos between the "sane" humans of an alien planet and the "not so sane" ones, alien and human.

Suggestion: The Road by Cormac Mccarthy.
I had a little trouble getting in to it at first, but once I did I couldn't stop reading.

Can't read it till it comes in in the library. sorry, shirkensama! But once I get it, I will. :)

Right now I am behind schedule and the book is Wicked by Gregory Maguire. Review could come on tuesday if even that soon.

Skoolmunkee
And I think this might be a community project? I imagine book reviews take a while, but maybe he would be cool with other people posting book reviews too?

Hmm, not my original idea BUT that's an intersting thing. If anyone wants to just talk to me and then get to posting. :D.
(oh an the quote came from the newspost she did)

Suggestion: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies - I thought it was pretty good

To Eraser: Once again I'll just have to tell you that I have to wait on my library. If it has it, that is. If not well give me a summary and I may buy it this weekend. :) (though I'd rather buy some Tenacious D cd's and Stephen King novels...Carrie...)

Finally finished Wicked. THANK GOD. Oh and please realize that this is all my opinions and I could cause a riot in saying that. If anyone has an agreeing review or a disagreeing review, go ahead and post it as long as you read the freaking book and I mean all of it. If you saw the play, then that does NOT count. Much of a difference.



Wicked by Gregory Maguire
Genre: Fantasy
Summary: A fanfiction of L. Frank Baum's The Wizard of Oz, it shows the Wicked Witch of the West's story. There's a lot of shit the Wiz does that noone knew about...till now.
Rating: 3/10
For all you people who like this book I tell you otherwise. I hated it. Honest to god, it was a bad book. Uninteresting at best (for 300 pages!) and written in flowy unrelated garbage that not any sane person would like. And here's why:
The book starts with a play, brought to you by a "Time Clock Dragon" that apparantly has everything to do with the rest of the book. In it a guy with a normal dick and an abnormal one is raped by a woman and her daughter. NOW WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING? It doesn't unless it's saying that the father of the Witch is screwed over like he eventually does but that's never explained. When the green kid is born, the author decides that he's going to take 100 something pages of nothing to describe that her mom is a whore/slut/idiot. Then they all grow up and Elphaba (the witch) goes to school at the Shiz where she meets the rest of the cast, Galinda (an actually interesting character and funny IN THE PLAY), Boq, and Dr. Dillamond (a "Goat"). While she's at school she starts to turn Galinda into a good person and her and Boq try and make the world a better place for the Animals and animals (really stupid and annoying, doing that capitalization thing). When she meets the wizard in the Emerald City she sees that he's a basterd and runs away to continue the research of Dillamond who was murdered earlier in the Shiz part of this book. Then we skip 5 years where an old friend from Shiz, Fiyero, her love. She fucks him quite a few times-and he's married. The sex scenes suck. This guy should write Romance novels. Somehow, the people of the wizard track them down and kill Fiyero-it's terribly written and hard to find out how. Elphaba escapes, pregnant. Then she eventually travels to the Winkie lands where she meets up with her dead lover's widow. She is trying to get the widow's forgiveness and then a house falls on her sister who is a really religous preacher called "The Wicked Witch of the West". Lame, right. Galinda who's now Glinda gives the shoes to Dororthy and while Elph's out inspecting this scene everyone is kidnapped from the widow's palace. Elphie loses her mind waits for Dorothy to come to her and then accidentally lights herself on fire when she's talking to Dorothy and thus, dead Elphie. Then the book summarizes everything that happens after her death in ten pages. It is lame and NOT well written. In fact it is written worse than this review where I was harsh and just insulted the plot.

Read some classic literature. On the Road by Jack Kerouac. Or if that's not available, anything by Douglas Coupland (preferably jPod, Microserfs, or Girlfriend in a Coma)

dude ! "on the road" kicked ass
i haven't heard of any of the books you reviewed leet !
take the advice of carl sagan or whoever it was who said :" with all the bazillions of books out there you cant possibly even read 1% of them in your lifetime. the trick is to read the rite ones. " i take that to mean no steven king

i recomend nineteen eighty four by george orwell. then you will be able to understand some of what Kyupol rants about

You never heard of Wicked, lothar? Well I pick books out randomly not really with a direct object in mind. I do like horror though. That and comedy.
Don't be dissing my King! I worship that crap! No not really but for the moment he's my favorite author. One of my main reasons I don't have 20 reviews praising his books
I was recommended to read 1984 a few years ago but unfortunately never got around to reading it.


I don't really read classics but I will give both books a chance. Any harsh things I might say about them must be taken from the fact that I apparantly have no taste. Or at least that's what I get from my sister. (she read ALL the Twilight books and enjoyed them. Sadly, I read two and half of the third just to see what sucker everyone was loving).


I kinda depend on my library for stuff I can get so I'll TRY to find these but no promises. I know it has 1984 though.

No review today but possibly one tomorow on William Goldman's Heat or the other book I recently read but can't remember what it is right now (weird, I know).

If your library has Full Tide of Night by J. R. Dunn you should check it out. Its only 312 pages. I just finished it and I thought it was great :D

You remind me that I should review stuff.

ANd if you would like to putting up your own review would be cool too.