Having Your Chickens All in a Row

Farmer Johnson was a simple farmer. He managed to raise a chicken farm as well as a family four. He had his loving wife Eleanor and his two hard-working sons Richard and Skeeter. Although they lived a humble lifestyle, they were rich with happiness as a family...

...but that was quite a time ago. Now, the farmhouse was devoid of liveliness; its only residents a few pieces of old furniture, dust, and the lonely farmer. With his chicken farm rendered unprofitable, and his family absent from his life, the farmer struggled to make a living. However, this day was different for the farmer. First, while lugging his body out of bed, he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. It was a picture of his family. He remembered those happier times as if they occurred yesterday...

Eleanor would be busy making supper as Johnson and his sons maintained the chicken coups. "I bet I can teach these chickens some nifty tricks," said Skeeter to Richard. Johnson just shook his head and smiled. "Son, those chickens ain't got the brains to learn anything. They're just bird-brained chickens." Nevertheless, Skeeter and Richard attempted to teach the chickens some tricks. Day after day, week after week, the sons would try to teach the chickens simple tricks like clucking on command, ruffling their feathers, and even just staying in place, but they were unable to teach them anything.

As farmer Johnson reveled in his memories, something else caught his eye: two empty bedrooms. His elation quickly turned to sadness...

When Richard and Skeeter were teenagers, a chicken manufacturing factory was constructed near to the farmhouse. Although Johnson was initially worried having to compete against a more efficient business, Eleanor convinced him that as long as the family stuck together, things would be okay. Unfortunately, things did indeed get much worse. The chicken farm almost instantaneously lost all of its business. Struggling with this new-found economic woe, Johnson took out his frustration on his sons by forcing them to work unreasonably longer and harder than ever before. Now adults, Richard and Skeeter could no longer take their father's outrageous demands. The two moved out of the farmhouse and started a new life in the city. Though they did still visit their parents for the holidays, Richard and Skeeter never reconciled with their father.

Farmer Johnson shrugged offed his past and then headed for the kitchen. Because of the nearby chicken factory, Johnson could hardly afford to pay for food, and today his refrigerator was bare. Johnson especially loathed days when he had no food in his house mainly for two reasons. It mean that he couldn't eat today, and even worse, it meant that he had to go the chicken coup to see if he could sell some chickens. Farmer Johnson never liked going near the chicken coup after one eventful day...

It was a few years after their sons had left the house. Johnson and Eleanor were busy paying bills hoping that they had enough money for this month. "It looks like it's gonna be another hard month. Could you check the coup to see if there are any good chickens up for sale," said Johnson to his wife. Johnson continued to work on the bills until he realized Eleanor hadn't been back from the coup in more than an hour. Worried, Johnson went to the coup to check up on her. When he arrived, he saw Eleanor collapsed on the floor of the coup. She had died from a massive heart attack. Although Richard and Skeeter came to the funeral, they didn't talk to the father for the entire ceremony. It was the last time Farmer Johnson ever saw his sons.

Putting his dread out of his mind, Farmer Johnson grudgingly entered the chicken coup. Since he rarely ever visited the coup, whenever Johnson did go, it wouldn't be surprising to find chickens scattered all over the floor, feathers and feces everywhere, and even a few dead carcasses. However, Farmer Johnson was completely dumbstruck upon entering the coup this day. When he entered the coup, he found no dead carcasses on the floor or feathers strewn across the walls. Instead, the chickens were all lined up in their respective nests. "How and the world," said Johnson astounded by the site. "This can't be! Someone must have come in and now they're trying to mess with my head!" Johnson tried to think who could have done this. "It must've been the factory! They took my business and now they're trying to make me think I'm goin' crazy!" Johnson headed towards the chicken factory, but just as he was about to enter, he was stopped by a security guard.

"What do you think you're doing?" said the guard.

"You guys are messin' with me!" said Johnson. "You took my business and now you're messin' with my head!"

"Sir, we don't even know who you are, but if you insist on harassing us I won't hesitate in calling the police," replied the guard.

With no other option, Johnson returned to the farmhouse, still wondering how those chickens could've organized themselves. "That's it!" said the farmer to himself. "My sons must've finally taught those chickens something after all these years." Using a phonebook, Johnson was able to call Richard, talking to him for the first time since his wife passed away.

"Son! You and Skeet got those chickens to sit in their place!" said Johnson.

"What? Dad, is that you? How'd you get this number?" asked Richard.

"The chickens! You finally taught them a trick!" replied Johnson.

"Dad," said Richard "Skeeter and I haven't been to the farm in years. Get some help. You haven't been the same since the chicken farm flopped. I don't want you calling here again."

Richard hung up on his father. Johnson, heartbroken that his sons weren't responsible for this, was clueless as to who could have organized his chickens. "Maybe my son's right. Maybe it's all in my mind," said Johnson to himself as he lied down to sleep for the night. The next day, Johnson went back to the coup to see that once again, the chickens were all in their nests again. "How can this be," Johnson queried to himself.

Days passed and every day Farmer Johnson would go to his chicken coup to find that his chickens would always be in their nests. He never fed them, but the chickens were always healthy. He never cleaned the roosts, but there was never a feather out of place. "Why would this happen now of all times," said Johnson to himself. "Unless, could Eleanor have something to do with this? No. No, it's impossible. IT JUST CAN'T BE!!!" In a fit of rage, Johnson knocked all the chickens out of their nests and took out his shotgun. "I'm gonna keep watch for the night, and if someone tries to mess with my chickens, they're gonna get a fistful of lead in their ass!"

Johnson stayed up until the dead of night trying to see if anyone was entering the coup. As time passed, he grew more tired, yet he was still focused on catching the culprit. Suddenly, he heard a noise in the coup. He bursted inside to see a person at the far end of the other side. "Who the hell are you," yelled Johnson to the mysterious figure. As the figure turned around, Johnson dropped his gun in awe. It was Eleanor. "I thought I would never see you again," whimpered Johnson. Eleanor just slowly walked up to Farmer Johnson until she was right in front of him. She was emotionless. She just stood silently for roughly a full minute. Then, without warning, she let out a frighteningly loud shriek. "Eleanor?!" yelled Farmer Johnson in terror. Eleanor then began attacking Johnson thrashing at his body with her own fingernails.

Farmer Johnson then woke up. He had fallen asleep whilst guarding the chicken coup. Frightened out of his mind, Johnson opened the coup door to see if anyone was in the coup while he was asleep. No one was in the coup, but somehow, the chickens were all back in there neat and tidy nests. "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!" screamed Johnson. Johnson then got a piece of rope and looped it around a wooden beam in the coup. "IM GONNA END IT ALL! YOU DAMN CHICKENS RUINED MY LIFE!" screamed Johnson maniacally. He stood on a roost and put his neck through the noose he made. Then, he jumped.

However, Johnson was still alive. Having second thoughts about his actions, Johnson tried to keep his footing while at the same time trying to keep his neck from snapping. "I change my mind! I don't want to die! I don't want to die! Help me! HELP ME!!!" pleaded Farmer Johnson as he absentmindedly kicked down the nests and roosts as he hopeless tried to gain some footing. Then, the rope snapped, but the damage was done. Although technically alive, Johnson had snapped his spinal cord, unable to move his arms and legs or even functionally breath. As he lie dying on the floor, his eyes, saturated with popped blood vessels, viewed the mess he had caused. He then saw the chickens in the coup getting up from the incident. One by one, they each took their misplaced nests and placed them neatly back on their roosts. The chickens then brushed their loose feathers from the coup with their tiny wings before finally fluttering back to their respective nests. The farmer couldn't believe it.

Sometimes we make mistakes in our lives, sometimes our pasts come back to haunt us, and sometimes our paranoia consumes and destroys our lives, but sometimes, we just have our chickens all in a row.

This is the charming tale of some kids hanging out in the woods .

Here's a little feedback:

Chickens in a row: It's not that bad but it's not that good either. There is so much details that you do not know about the character and characters. There is also others that you do know but don't need to know. If I were you I would add more of a twist at the end and have it more of a reason to the "NOT Happily Ever After"

I don't think you quite get Humorman.

That said, I'm not sure I do, either.

My Very Own Tree Baby

Fred and Judy Barron had just left the hospital in a morbid mood. They had recently learned that Judy had miscarried their would-be child. Normally, this would be tragic for any couple, but for Fred and Judy, this was another disappointing blow in a life filled with misery -- this was actually the Barrons' twelfth miscarriage.

"We'll never get to be parents, will we Fred?" sobbed Judy.

"Now, Judy," replied Fred. "We can always adopt."

"But I don't want to adopt!" screamed Judy. "I want a baby that I can have an emotional connection with from beginning to end."


"Well," said Fred. "If you want to try again, I'll support your decision. I just don't want you to be disappointed again."

"I promise I won't." assured Judy.

Soon afterwards, Judy became pregnant. However, Judy requested to Fred that she didn't want to see a doctor until the baby was born so she wouldn't be disappointed if, or when, she had miscarried. Although opposed to the idea, Fred eventually relented to the idea in order to preserve Judy's happiness.

Soon the day came. Judy managed to carry her baby to full term and went into labor. When she and Fred arrived at the hospital, the doctors were worried that she never made any previous appointments, especially considering Judy's previous history of miscarriages. When it was time to deliver the baby, the doctor made all the necessary preparations to ensure that the baby was born healthy. When the baby was finally born, however, both the doctor and Fred were in shock from the sight they saw.

"What's wrong with my baby?" shouted Judy.

"I'm... I'm not sure if you want to see... uh... it," replied the doctor.

"Let me see my baby! I want to see my baby right now!" shrieked Judy at the doctor.

"Very well," said the doctor. "I must warn you though, you might not like what you see.

The doctor brought the baby up to Judy, but despite the reactions of the doctor and Fred, she was overjoyed to see it.

"He's beautiful!" exclaimed Judy as she picked it up. "I think I'll call him Omar."

Fred stared in disbelief. "Judy! It's a plant. It has leaves!"

"Don't say such things!" said Judy. "I don't care what he looks like. He's our son, and I love him for who he is."

Too emotionally drained to keep up the argument, Fred decided to just go home and wait for Judy to come to her senses. The next day, however, Judy was still cradling her tree baby in her arms. "The others may think you're just a plant, but I know you're more than that. You're my son." whispered Judy to her tree baby. "Mommy..." murmured the tree baby. Overjoyed at this revelation, Judy yelled for her husband.

"Fred! Fred!" exclaimed Judy. "Omar just said his first words!"

"Judy," said Fred sternly. "For God's sake, it's a plant. And even if it was a baby, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't talk the day after it was born. Listen, I think you need to get rid of it, for your own good."

"I can't believe what I'm hearing!" shouted Judy. "He may not look like it, but he's still your son!."

Sadly, Fred wasn't the only one appalled by the site of Judy and her tree baby. Everywhere Judy and Omar went they received derision. People at the grocery store would shake their heads and people on the street would stare in disbelief, but things were truly awful when Judy's parents saw the tree baby.

"Is this some sort of joke?" asked Judy's father.

"No dad," replied Judy. "I know he may look different than us, but he's my son."

"No he isn't," said Fred to Judy. "I'm sorry, but I cannot stand this any longer. Judy, I know how you feel about Omar, but he isn't real. He's a tree. Everyone thinks so, even your parents and me."

"I can't believe this!" exclaimed Judy. "No one but me sees that this baby is a human being? Sure, he may look like a plant, but he has emotions and feeling just like you and me. I know it sounds crazy and I now I sound crazy, but he's my son and I love him."

Judy stormed out of her parents and drove herself and Omar back to her house leaving here husband Fred behind. She heated up a kettle for tea on the stove and headed up to her bedroom with Omar.

"Oh, my baby, you're my tree baby, but always love you so," sang Judy to Omar. "I know you're real, and one day, you'll show those people wrong."

An hour later, Fred was almost home from walking from Judy's parents' house. He noticed a strange light coming from his house. It was on fire. Unfortunately, Judy was too preoccupied with Omar to realize that she forgot to turn the stove off. A few minutes later, the fire department was outside the house, but firefighters were unable to enter the inferno.

"My wife is in there!" screamed Fred.

"You mean Judy Barron?" asked a firefighter. "You mean that lady who gave birth to that tree baby?"

"No, she didn't," replied Fred. "Our real son was stillborn."

It turns out that that plant wasn't really, Judy's baby. When Judy's real baby was born, it was horrifically deformed and had ceased living in the womb. Pushed over the edge by the tragedy, Judy drove into insanity and mistook a small potted plant next to her stillborn baby as her son. However, as the house burn with Judy still inside with the lifeless plant, she was still convinced it was her real son.

"Oh baby, your my tree baby, but I will always love you so." Judy sang to the plant as her hair burned from her head and her skin melted from her face. Her drive to have a child of her own was so strong that the pain of third degree burns would not stop her from being the mother of a motionless plant. Finally, the house collapsed from the damage caused by the fire, killing Judy in the process.

The people that once scorned Judy now mourned for her loss. Even though Omar the potted plant wasn't her real son, the people who knew her realized that this would tragically be the closest thing Judy would come to motherhood. However, there is a happy ending to this story. Now, Judy could finally be at peace with the thirteen children she never knew, and of course -- her very own tree baby.