I dunno about you but I personally love puns. Puns are so good. I love 'em! I want to know them all! Tell me some! Tell me all you know!

In return have some of my delicious puns that I have gathered over the years.

1. Whiteboards are remarkable.

2. My friends keep telling me that making clothes-based puns is no funny.
Corset is!

3. My friend accused me of having uncontrollable OCD
I put him in him place.

4. Me and my friend had been fighting over which was the best vowel.
I won.

5. (I used this in the Rant, Moan and Rave thread too) I won't rest until I find a cure for insomnia.

6. I hate French jokes
They're crêpe

7. I easily passed my rapist exam, it was a stalk in the park.

8. I just bought some new joggers.
They should prove a good purchase in the long run.

9. My mates were fighting over the best way to pronounce long words.
"Break it up" I said.

10. bit nsfw*** Today I placed some speakers 1.6km from my house and wanked into the microphone.
You could hear me coming a mile away.

11. I recently submitted 10 puns to a newspaper competition, hoping they would be featured.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

12. I hate when people say time travel is a silly idea.
That's the kind of thinking that lost us WWIII

13. I hate it when someone jokes about the holocaust.
Anne, Frankly I won't stand for it.

14. My science teacher bet me that I couldn't name the class of disease that cause uncontrolled cell growth.
"Yes, I cancer"

Sort of a pun and sort of a classic old joke...

I was feeling crap so I went to the doctor.
I said:
Doc I have a terrible problem, can you tell me what's wrong?
Sometimes I feel like a wigwam, sometimes I feel like a teepee, then sometimes I feel like a wigwam and sometimes I feel like a teepee, then sometimes I feel like a wigwam and sometimes I feel like a teepee, then sometimes I feel like a wigwam and sometimes I feel like a teepee, then sometimes I feel like a wigwam and sometimes I feel like a teepee, then sometimes I feel like a wigwam and sometimes I feel like a teepee...
Doc, you gotta help me!

And he said:
I think I see what the problem is... You're two tents.

Oh god, the puns...

I don't know if this qualifies as a pun but it's something that a friend of mine came up with:

"They say that if you're having an argument with someone, you should try and walk a mile in his shoes.

That way, if you still disagree with that person, you're now a mile away from him and with his shoes."


Edit. And Ooh! How could I forget:

Two fish were in a tank. Then one of them says: "So, how do we drive this thing?"

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Using a pencil with a broken tip is pointless.

The uk version of "Iron chef" has the best puns... ever.

A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey, we can't serve you here." The mushroom says "Why not? I'm a fungi!"

What did the mathematician's plant say when it grew tall?

Gee, Oi'm a tree!

yes yes yes! I love puns! Keep 'em coming!

ParkerFarker

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

You've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

And introducing, visual puns:

My dad's addicted to trains, he has a one track mind.
---
I played chess too hard and broke some pieces, of course then I called the Pawn shop.
---
Poor space farmers always dream of tractor beams.
---
Animals should be seen and not herd.
---
Children should act their age, adults should act their wage.
---
A man once built sleeping accomodations for his horses, it didn't look very stable.
---
A man once built a box for his office supplies, it didn't look very staple.

o, wonderful paronomasia!

This thread has left me in stitches! :)

Never talk about a Mobius strip, it's a one-sided conversation.

An Egotist is a man who's me-deep in conversation.

An Archeologist is a man whose career lies in ruins.

I rather have this bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy!

My favorite puns are in Ruthless Rhymes inspired by Harry Graham:

Willie fell down the elevator,
Wasn't found 'till six days later.
Then the neighbors sniffed, "Gee whiz!
What a spoiled child Willie is!"

Little Willy, feeling mean,
pushed his sister through a screen.
Mother stopped his innovations,
said it made for strained relations.

Little Willie, mean as hell
Threw his sister in the well
Mama said, when drawing water,
"Gee, it's hard to raise a daughter."

Contacts are easy to lose, so keep your eyes on them.

A man was driving on an icy, abandoned road when he noticed a road sign with half of it torn clean off. 'That's a bad sign' he thought to himself.

The mathematician worked at home because he only functioned in his domain.

The telegraph operator who accidentally sent the same message twice was remorseful.

Hate...

humorman
Punsy

He looks like the illegitimate lovechild of Alfred E. Neuman and Donald Duck.