I got like nine rejection letter so far.

It might be the query letter or the title of the novel.

What can I do to improve?

Title of the novel: SWORD OF SORROW SERIES: CITY OF STEEL

I began writing the story before I had any knowledge that all these "CITY OF ..." novels existed. Maybe I could change the title to SWORD OF SORROW SERIES: PROJECT MEGA or SWORD OF SORROW SERIES: THE FALLEN KING OF ANDROMEDA

What do you think?

Here's the letter:

Dear Agent,

A biological humanoid cyborg being known by the serial name Model 347 is left without memory nor purpose within a city filled with a population of mechanical citizens. Any being with the ability of thought or reason is eliminated immediately, and so, the four guardians and the twenty six Armored Automations that protect the city have viewed Model 347 as a threat. A threat to their perfect and corrupt society.

A special Metal Energy Gravitational Anomaly system known as the MEGA system has given Model 347, later named AND, a fighting chance. Wielding an energy saber able to change shape to the will of it's wielder, and capable of slicing through any non energy based material on the face of the planet, AND has been given his perfect opportunity to search for the truth and past he so longs for.

In a world filled with contradictions and lies, AND learns not only about the beginning of time and the creation of the City of Steel, but unlocks the true power of one of the ten MEGA systems left by the fallen king of the City of Steel. The power of the stars and beyond. Not even the sky's the limit as how far the power of MEGA and AND shall go, for the end of the world draws near.

From the beginning of time, to the end of the world, AND discovers not only himself and his eons old past, but the truth and power locked within the very planet itself in my 80,000 word SWORD OF SORROW SERIES: CITY OF STEEL novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

My Name

When you write a formal letter, you should not jump straight in and write a story. This is like a programmer dumping big pile of codes in the message for someone to read without providing any reason to it. When writing to a publisher, you should think like a publisher. What most publishers look for are details like:

What is your purpose writing to us?
Who are your target audience?
Give us a general description of your story.
Why should we publish your story?
Is your story marketable? Or how do you intend to market your story?
Are you able to handle critiques from others?
Are you willing to make changes to your story which we would consider inappropriate, loophole and so on?
Finally provide your story as an attachment.

I'm sure there's more you could think of.

!?

I'm not writing to publishers.

I'm writing to literary agents. Also, you never send agents attachments, unless they ask for it. You'll get an instant rejection.

Okay, to answer you questions and points in order:

The purpose is obvious when writing to an agent. Never include this.

The agent's job is to find a target audience. That's what they're being paid for.

The general description of the story IS the query letter.

They're not publishing the story, they're finding a publisher. It's the reason why I want an agent. I know nothing about publishing or the book market. Agents do.

If the agent finds the book marketable, they send an acceptance letter, if not, they skim you over.

I think that agents assume that I'll be willing to make changes.

No attachments until asked. Ever.






A query letter isn't a formal letter. I'm trying to write a letter that makes my story stand out, and seem like a book that can be marketable in order to get accepted by an agent.

If I don't jump straight into the story, they'll just jump straight into the next letter. Agents get hundreds of query letters, so if you're stuck on the formal stuff, they're get board and move on.

I've found writing a query harder than writing a 80,000 page document.

The problem here is that I'm having a hard time thinking of anything else that I could do in order to make my letter stand out more. I've already literally covered the entire plot in that one letter.

From the beginning of time, to the end of the world... Well, there's nothing else to go on about here. That's the entire plot right there.

The main character, AND, does gain allies, but I'm not sure how to mention that within the query.

It's written in a first person point of view, but I'm not sure if I should include that either.

I want impact, and I want something that really attracts your attention.

I'm going to be extremely blunt here with my opinion. But it's only my opinion.

First a question, how old are you?

Because reading your synopsis, your novel sounds like a console video game. I can see how a "literary agent" (never heard of one of those before...) would instantly reject you, if they're as jaded and cynical as I am.

Now secondly... why don't you just skip these middlemen who reject you, and go straight to publishers? And write your cover letter as ep1 described, to publishers? If you're gonna get rejected, at least get rejections that are worth a damn.

Aspiring comics artists submit directly to publishers hoping for a job. They don't try to find agents. I don't see how that's different for an aspiring sci-fi writer. Why the heck are you messing about with agents who *reject* you?

I'm not sure you're going to get a very expert answer here, I can only think of one DDer who has managed to get a novel published.


What you've written is a back-cover plot synopsis, but whether that's what an agent looks for I don't know. Certainly you should make the story sound interesting, but I think that if I were an agent, I'd be looking for other things which will tell me about the book's marketability and potential audience (without having to read any of the story). They may be able to make a guess based on the synopsis but you MUST have had some kind of target group in mind when writing it.

So, you have some plot stuff there- but what about other types of 'hooks'? I would think you'd kind of need your pitch to be a little more "why my book is saleable." What themes are present, what relevance those have to the perceived audience, whether it's similar or different to other popular series, etc. It would show that you've analysed and planned your novel to a high degree rather than just written some 80,000 word loosely plotted thing.

You've also got some errors in your grammar (and not all the wording reads naturally) so there may be some bias introduced in that way.


mlai- I'ts my understanding that literary agents are very common. I suspect there are many publishers who will simply not accept direct submissions.

I certainly can't comment much on the whole publishing industry, although I've had the dream of getting published too. So, let me comment on the aesthetics of what you've written.

Like was said earlier, your description reads like a back cover and the context of a video game rather than anything resembling a novel. It doesn't really draw in the reader. Also, the tone is sort of, well... overly young? I don't want to bash on your story, but MEGA is not a very good sounding acronym anymore than a person will take the name 'Unobtanium' seriously. Again, it has that video game context to it rather than something I'd find myself wanting to sit down and read.

I would also agree with Skool. I've seen proposals for things that usually entail their marketability, effectiveness, and perceived demographic. You're also trying to push an entire series as a complete unknown which I would imagine is more of a risk than most are going to bother with.

Ultimately, I think you need to do a good deal more on all fronts to make your story idea and pitch more competitive against the glut of other fantasy and sci-fi novel selections out there.

Just my two cents, but I remember reading somewhere that comic book editors will only read the first 5 pages of work submitted to them. If it doesn't grab their attention AND HOLD their attention with those five pages, it isn't getting published. Not sure if that's the way they do it now. Not sure if it's the same with literary novels...

I'm with the rest, though maybe a comicbook might work out. But if it's as deep as what you've written in that description, I'd recommend making it easy for people to chew to follow.

I'm reminded of I, Robot meets MegaMan for some reason.

It sounds like a kids comic. Not that it's a bad thing as such but a tricky sell for a novel. Also a non human protagonist will make it a harder sell.

Perhaps there is too much information in the description. just a thought.

I have a couple of friends who have been through this, all doing very different novels. Only one has been published and that was poetry and required some investment.

I'm with those above on this one. Write your query letters to editors and publishers and when they accept, then get an agent to negotiate the contract. This was gleaned from the Writer's Digest book Novel:From Plot to Print

As for myself sadly I've shopped some unfinished manuscripts to people in publishing and was told if I ever finished a novel I'd be published. Haven't finished one yet. :(

mlai
I'm going to be extremely blunt here with my opinion.

It's about damn time. I want my query to be destroyed.

With my query, I think I was purely focusing on trying to throw out things that seem like they would attract attention.

The title, I'm sure, has caused quite a few rejections. I reviewed the last few pages over again after reading some of your comments, and I realized that there's no reason to put it into a series. It tells a complete story, from the beginning of the world to the end of it. What the hell else can I go on if there's nothing?

I mean, what was I thinking? I didn't even realize until it was pointed out.

Even so, if it's being cut out of the series, I'll have to change the beginning of the world to 50,000 BC, or something. If it's not connected to my other book anymore, I won't have the plot device (which would later be explained in another book) connected with it. I'll just treat the remaining connections as references to my other novels. They were only connected by invisible wire, anyways. No one other than myself could find the links between them.

I have also deemed "City of Steel" and "Project MEGA" as impossible titles for this story. Does "The Fallen King of Andromeda" still work? I sure won't use "The Adventures of AND" as a title. I need more ideas on this.

With publishing, once I have the book published, until I get an agent, what do I do with it? Do publishers print books as needed, or a set number all at once?

I need to research literary publishing more. I know very little about the subject. I've spent too much time on literary agents.

As for my age, I began writing my novel at 14, but finished at 17, the age that I am now trying to get it published.

I started my first novel (this one is my second) when I was 11, but the chapters on that first novel aren't written in order. The story is surprisingly original, seeing how young I wrote that at.

It doesn't fail any question on the fantasy novel exam.

I don't know if there's a Sci Fi novel exam, though. I'm sure I'd HAVE to answer no to a few questions.

Energy based swords has been done to death. (Star Wars)

That fantasy novel exam is garbage, take shit like that with a pinch of salt. there is no instruction book on how to write a good novel. A lot of the things listed there are precisely what you NEED to do to get a fantasy novel published. Especially the stuff about the size and ans series thing.

The way to fantasy fame & fortune is to be able to answer 'YES' to every single question on that exam. Look at Eragon.

Genejoke
That fantasy novel exam is garbage, take shit like that with a pinch of salt. there is no instruction book on how to write a good novel. A lot of the things listed there are precisely what you NEED to do to get a fantasy novel published. Especially the stuff about the size and ans series thing.

This is true. However, if your query can't make it sound anything but childish or make it sound like a video game (like some of you have mentioned above) it won't stand a chance when presented to Agents.

My query sounds like the plot to a video game, or a kids comic, not a novel, so it is doomed to fail.

It has a plot intentionally riddled with contradictions, so it can also be hard to follow if I try to explain it in depth.

Making that balance is not easy stuff.

mlai
The way to fantasy fame & fortune is to be able to answer 'YES' to every single question on that exam. Look at Eragon.

True...

but that kids parents are publishers or agents, some shit like that.

Is your idea doomed to failure? Maybe, regardless what you learn from doing it will be invaluable later on. Perhaps another route is to put it, or parts of it freely available online. get feedback and work from there.

Genejoke

mlai
The way to fantasy fame & fortune is to be able to answer 'YES' to every single question on that exam. Look at Eragon.

True...

but that kids parents are publishers or agents, some shit like that.

Well, if you have connections, your chances skyrocket...