Ok, this is the prologue to my first book in my series.
Please tell me how it is...
(Reminder- It is a rough draft, so there might be some typos and grammatical errors)

Ladies of the Court I
Lady Owl
Prologue

"Ok ladies," Clapping her hands, a woman in an elegant dress stepped into a room filled with young woman. "Since we made our weekly quota within three days, you girls get the rest of the week off!" The girls shouted in delight- some whispering to their friends, others snickering about how they were able to earn that extra gold.
"Mistress Fox, how did we earn extra money in only three days?" All turned to look at the eighteen year old girl hiding in her corner. She was Lady Mouse- a small girl, with pale silver hair and black eyes. Around her were her close friends; Lady Snake was playing chess with Lady Owl, Lady Tiger was playing cards with Lady Wolf and Lady Hawk, and lastly was Lady Moth- sleeping on the couch next to them.
"Well, I'll tell you my darlings tonight. Now the rest of you, move along!" spoke Mistress Fox as she motioned toward the door, "I know your families want to spend that extra time with you." Laughing as they grabbed their scarves, most of the girls scurried out of the building parting their separate ways.
"Well then? Aren't you going to tell us?" Scoffed the ash blonde, whose deep green eyes waited for an answer, "None of the ladies worked overtime and we don't sleep around; well we don't." She motioned with her free hand to her close group of friends.
"I doubt anyone sleeps around, Lady Snake. They would lose their jobs as escorts." The red head said bluntly, placing her hand on the table for the two others to see, her yellow eyes showing her joy. "Gin!" The two girls moaned as they slapped their cards down on the table, and then waited for Lady Tiger to deal.
"Exactly, so let Mistress Fox tell us! I do wish to know." Pushing her black hair out of her face, Lady Wolf picked up the cards dealt to her. Muttering slightly, her blue-black eyes quickly looked at her hand, and then she let out a deep sigh. "Tonight is not my night." whispered Lady Wolf under her breath.
"Ok, you know that the 'coming of age' party for our prince is coming up in the next few days, yes?" Mistress Fox's grin was almost ear to ear when the ladies nodded in unison- except for Lady Moth, who was then woken up by Lady Hawk.
"Huh, what?" mumbled the white haired girl, her red eyes barely open. "Sorry Mistress Fox for my, um, absence?"
"Accepted. Now as I said, his royal highness's ball will be in two days. All the princes coming of age from all the allied nations will be there."
"So?" Lady Hawk interrupted her brown hair a little messy from forgetting to comb it. "We are never invited to any royal gatherings because it is only upper class."
"Yes but this time we will be there! We were paid to attend and entertain the royal guests!" Her smile increased when she heard the girls gasp.
"R-really?" stuttered Lady Mouse as she rose from her chair in the corner. "Th-that is great, Mistress Fox. Who all is going?" All turned to hear her answer.
"My best escorts, my Ladies of the Animal Kingdom!" All the girls screamed in delight as they jumped out of their seats and rushed over to hug their Mistress and friend. All but Lady Owl did so. She looked at the chess board one more time before rising to join them.
"Check-mate, Lady Snake." A smirk appeared on her face as she ran over to her companions, blue-gray eyes dancing in joy. A royal ball, thought Lady Owl as she hugged her friends, this will be fun!

Beautiful_Flames
Ok, this is the prologue to my first book in my series.
Please tell me how it is...
all I really can find are grammatical errors and some syntax-y stuff
(Reminder- It is a rough draft, so there might be some typos and grammatical errors)

Ladies of the Court I
Lady Owl
Prologue

"Ok ladies," Clapping her hands, a woman in an elegant dress stepped into a room filled with young women. "Since we made our weekly quota within three days, you girls get the rest of the week off!" The girls shouted in delight- some whispering to their friends, others snickering about how they were able to earn that extra gold.
"Mistress Fox, how did we earn extra money in only three days?" All turned to look at the eighteen year old girl hiding in her corner. it might just be me, but this confuses me as to whether the young lady in question is Fox or this Mouse person in the next part. I think you might want to introduce Mistress Fox's name a bit soonerShe was Lady Mouse- a small girl, with pale silver hair and black eyes. Around her were her close friends; Lady Snake was playing chess with Lady Owl, Lady Tiger was playing cards with Lady Wolf and Lady Hawk, and lastly was Lady Moth- sleeping on the couch next to them.
"Well, I'll tell you my darlings tonight. Now the rest of you, move along!" spoke Mistress Fox as she motioned toward the door, "I know your families want to spend that extra time with you." Laughing as they grabbed their scarves, most of the girls scurried out of the building parting their separate ways.
"Well then? Aren't you going to tell us?" Scoffed the ash blonde, whose deep green eyes waited for an answer, "None of the ladies worked overtime and we don't sleep around; well we don't." She motioned with her free hand to her close group of friends.
"I doubt anyone sleeps around, Lady Snake. They would lose their jobs as escorts." The red head good. I like to see description like this. Where the features aren't just said and left at that, but incorporated as a subjectsaid bluntly, placing her hand on the table for the two others to see, her yellow eyes showing her joy. "Gin!" The two girls moaned as they slapped their cards down on the table, and then waited for Lady Tiger to deal.
"Exactly, so let Mistress Fox tell us! I do wish to know." Pushing her black hair out of her face, Lady Wolf picked up the cards dealt to her. Muttering slightly, her blue-black eyes quickly looked at her hand, and then she let out a deep sigh. "Tonight is not my night." whispered Lady Wolf under her breath.
"Ok, you know that the 'coming of age' party for our prince is coming up in the next few days, yes?" Mistress Fox's grin was almost ear to ear when the ladies nodded in unison- except for Lady Moth, who was then woken up by Lady Hawk.
"Huh, what?" mumbled the white haired girl, her red eyes barely open. "Sorry Mistress Fox for my, um, absence?"
"Accepted. Now as I said, his royal highness's ball will be in two days. All the princes coming of age from all the allied nations will be there."
"So?" Lady Hawk interrupted her brown hair a little messy from forgetting to comb it. "We are never invited to any royal gatherings because it is only upper class."
"Yes but this time we will be there! We were paid to attend and entertain the royal guests!" Her smile increased when she heard the girls gasp.
"R-really?" stuttered Lady Mouse as she rose from her chair in the corner. "Th-that is great, Mistress Fox. Who all is going?" All turned to hear her answer.
"My best escorts, my Ladies of the Animal Kingdom!" All the girls screamed in delight as they jumped out of their seats and rushed over to hug their Mistress and friend.All the girls screamed in delight All but Lady Owl did so. She looked at the chess board one more time before rising to join them.
"Check-mate, Lady Snake." A smirk appeared on her face as she ran over to her companions, blue-gray eyes dancing in joy. A royal ball, thought Lady Owl as she hugged her friends, this will be fun!

and nothing really else. Though I love incorporation of description into action-- when dealing with a lot of characters at once it can get confusing. You're only describing their hair and eyes-- other physical features. Is it only that they share a similar personality to their counterpart animal or do they also resemble them physically as well? They're part of the animal kingdom- but they're girls. Maybe a bit more on this?
The girls shouted in delight
All the girls screamed in delightmaybe another word-- ecstasy, excitement?

i want to see what this will develop into =)

Thanks, it is my first book so I'm nervious ^^