Hey, everyone! I'm trying to do a Death Note fancomic. I just did the first page:



(CLICK HERE FOR ENLARGED VERSION: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/55205084/ )

What do you guys think? Suggestions would be awesome.

I like the closeup of the dude's eye there. It looks like he's been watching those screens all night.

Thanks :)

It's a fanart of the manga "Death Note". He DOES watch those screens all night :D

L's hair looks good, but those screens just look a bit TOO flat. The perspective looks a bit off.

that looks really good, looks like you got the eye thing just right.

Thank you!

ccs1989
L's hair looks good, but those screens just look a bit TOO flat. The perspective looks a bit off.

I know. I can't draw backgrounds. Thanks, though :)

ccs1989
L's hair looks good, but those screens just look a bit TOO flat. The perspective looks a bit off.

I disagree...
I don't see where the perspective errs. the last frame uses forshortening really well, and the pose looks difficult to draw. yay dc!
And the screentones look fine to me-- the black of L's hair, and the darkness of the tv screens-- balance out the white of the comic. in Deathnote itself, there really isn't a lot of toning... it relies mostly on the linework.

I love how L's watching the dancingchaos channel... XD XD

as for suggestions, the wrinkles on L's shirt in panel 1 seem a little off.
if you want to change that, I found a picture of L I found on google that has some cool shirt-wrinkle action!!!
http://www.manganimation.net/review/death_note/l_after.png [manganimation.net]
other than that, it's great!!

Thanks, Kristen! Yay for uber excellent foot-scratching L action :D

1. This page is begging for text. Either monolog, or talking from the TV, or something.

2. What is the purpose of the 3rd panel? It is the weak link of the page. (But text would fix everything!)

Okay :)