Deadpool stands up holding his head indicating he's disoriented, he looks around at his surroundings, he see's he's in the woods and looks at a signs that reads camp crystal lake.

Deadpool: "What the hell... where am I."

Voice 1: "read the sign idiot."

Voice 2: "don't be so hard on him man he did just wake up from getting the crap kicked out of him by kingpin's goons and thrown in the woods."

Deadpool: "Oh yeah that did happen didn't it. next time we do business with him I'll be sure to throw diet sprite on him it's like his krptonite"

Inside the camp the sounds of teenagers voices can be heard Deadpool walks towards the sounds whistling twisted sisters "We're not gonna take it".

Deadpool: "You know camp crystal lake, teenagers this feels so familiar."

Voice 1: "It's from like every Jason Vorhee's movie made."

Voice 2: "Shhhhh we aren't suppose to know that."

Deadpool: "Hey shut up in there...hey wait writer dude where the hell is voice three!?"

Sorry pool I forgot em won't happen again

Deadpool: "You're damn right it won't happen again voice three is like the middle child no one notices him or cares about him but when he's gone there's no one to pick on I want him back now!"

Okay man sorry I'll bring him back dude.

Deadpool: "Sorry I had to go gangster on your jive ass but it in the words of Jay-z it ain't nothing but a G-thang."

Deadpool look and see's a tent he see's shadows inside moving in a sexual nature deadpool stands over it.

Deadpool: "Teens having sex in a Jason Movie who would've imagined"

Deadpool reaches to open the tent

Voice 1: HEY!!! What the hell are you doing!!

Deadpool: "I'm gonna ask the guy if I can join."

Voice 2: "You can't have sex in this thread we could get in trouble."

Voice three: " Yay he wrote me in finally."

Deadpool: "Voice three we missed you man."

Voice one: "Who's that?"

Jason Vorhee's in walking towards the tent with his machete

Deadpool: "Hey doesn't he look like taskmaster a little?"

Voice 3: "Yeah he does."

Voice 1: Shut up voice 1 don't agree your're the middle voice you don't get an opinion!

Voice 2: "Can we get back to the matter at hand."

Jason Vorhees begins slashing at the tent with teens in it

Deadpool: "Whoa this guy is really good at killing."

Voice 1: "Maybe too good!"

Voice 2: "Kill the competition."

Voice 3: "Yeah!"

Voice 1: "Shut up voice 3!!"

Jason begins walking away as the tent is deflated and the teens in it are dead. Jason looks at deadpool and walks away. Deadpool shoots Jason in the back with a pistol

Deadpool: "Hey taskmaster ripoff lets dance!"

Jason throws his machete at deadpool' his skull and it gets stuck in it

Deadpool: "OUCH!!"

Voice 1: "That looked painful."

Deadpool shoots his gun repeatedly at Jason , as the machete is still jammed in his skull.

Deadpool: " Chimichanga! Chimichanga, Chimchanga."

Voice 1: "Wow he's just not dying, and he's quiet."

Voice 3: "He's like a wolverine origins version of you."

Voice 2: "Nice one voice 3...not! hahahahaha."

Voice 3: "You know words hurt more than bullets."

Jason falls on his back as if he's dead. deadpool rips the machete out of his head and stabs Jason's might be dead body with it.

Deadpool: "That was easy...too easy."

Voice 1: "Wow cliche maybe."

Jason reaches up, and snaps Deadpool leg.

Deadpool: "Snap crackle pain!!"

Deadpool falls to the ground as jason takes his machete out of his gut.

Deadpool's leg heals as now Jason, and Deadpool are now on their feet. Deadpool has his sword out, and Jason has his Machete

Deadpool : " I'm gonna gut ya!" I always wanted to say that

Jason swings his machete at deadpool's head and misses

Deadpool: HA!

Deadpool slice Jasons hand off making him weaponless

Deadpool: "No left hand no machete no chance to win."

Jason hit Deadpool with a right hook with his right hand sending him flying into a tree

Deadpool stands up coughing

Deadpool: "Owwww strong bastard.."

Voice 2: Wasn't expecting that."

"Voice 3: Come on Deadpool you can do it.

Voice 1: shut up voice 3 no one cares what you say end of story stop talking okay just stop.

Deadpool: Leave voice 3 alone he's just trying to help.

Voice 3: Yeah!

Jason walks up to deadpool with one arm swinging a machete Deadpool is just dodging cracking jokes Jason swings the machte at deadpools neck deadpool ducks and uppercuts jason as his masks falls off

Deadpool: "Wow now they're's a face only a mother could love"

Voice 1: "You know your're not exactly a hoty yourself

Voice 2: "Honestly you two look kinda alike."

Deadpool: "Voice 3 was right words do hurt more than a machete to to the skull."

Jason gets a cheap shot and cuts deadpools arm off.

Deadpool: "Wow that was...kind of expected."

Deadpool just swings, and cuts Jason's head off

Deadpool: and thats that!

Deadpool looks over to see a huge weed bush

Deadpool: HIYOOOO!!!!

Deadpool carves jason's head and uses it as a smoke pipe

THE END

You should make that into a comic if you can.

NO. JUST NO.

You've written this in the style of Daniel Way, and that's not Deadpool. Oh God, you actually read the Daniel Way stuff? I'm sorry. I lost interest when I saw voices.

Why don't you read some actual good Deadpool, the Classics are up to volume 3, there's Cable & Deadpool up to "Deadpool Versus the Marvel Universe".

DO NOT reward Marvel for giving great characters to crappy writers that say "Screw 20 years of official canon!" and completely backslide years of character development. Daniel Way's character is NOT Deadpool. If you haven't read anything before Way got around to ravaging it, I suggest you check out Joe Kelly and Fabian Nicieza's work. Unlike Dark Reign (which I cancelled in utter disgust after 6 issues, I tried to give it a chance but my mind was made up in issue 1)the old stuff is WELL written, clever and funny, Deadpool is a competent and clever fighter, and it's not ridden with plot holes and padding. If you want to have one small dose of the awesome, buy the issue of Spectacular Spiderman that just came out with the Deadpool cameo. THAT is Deadpool.

Daniel Way does not know how to write Deadpool. End of story.


And oh yes, bringing up Daniel Way's "Deadpool" is my Berserk Button, [tvtropes.org]just a warning!

Amelius
furious fanboy rant

Why don't you lighten the fuck up? Save that kind of rant for grownup issues that actually deserve it. This calls for objective criticism, not a pissy high-and-mighty novel about which Deadpool is awesome and which is lame. You've successfully given no useful suggestions to this author.

So I guess I'll be the middle man. I like Deadpool when he's funny. This wasn't really funny, and I can't think of a way that would improve it short of throwing it out, though I'm sure there are Deadpool fans who would dig it if you drew it. You also need to work on your punctuation. Look in the back of the dictionary and it ought to tell you how to use what and when.

Holy crap mikemacdee , why don't you lighten up? You have a point that I may have come off as a little unhelpful in the criticism department, but good lord! Furious fanboy rant? I'm sorry that you couldn't tell I was trying to be funny. I suppose that's a failure on my behalf. I tried to lighten the mood while I gave my opinion but obviously it went right over YOUR head. Gawd, maybe I should abuse more emoticons, I'm sick of having to explain myself to people like you!

HOW is suggesting that he read the classic stuff NOT a helpful suggestion?
I think the FUNDAMENTAL problem that I underscored here is NOT understanding the character and what makes him work. Considering the source material, I can't blame the guy that this was weak to me. It's BASIC fanfic writing advice to tell someone to research the characters.

I mean, what am I gonna say? If he reads Daniel Way's Deadpool (clearly) then any suggestions I make are pointless. DWDP does not have "comic awareness", he doesn't make snappy pop culture references, he's not even the same character. I could tell Spidey he missed a goldmine of Casey Jones references and Canadian/Hockey jokes, but that's like telling someone how to write Batman from The Long Halloween when they're writing a heavily Miller influenced "the Godd@mmed Batman" Fic. THERE IS NOTHING I CAN OFFER FOR ADVICE.

Other than, you know, what I did: suggest BETTER SOURCE MATERIAL.
And last I checked, he didn't ASK for advice, so my OPINION is valid. If I posted a fanfic of Batman here and Batman was totally out of character, I'd rightfully expect someone to tell me they didn't like the way I portrayed them or wrote it.

He posted it here obviously for opinions, not advice, and I gave him my opinion. I'm sorry that not being a fan of NuDeadpool is being "pissy" and "high and mighty" I completely forgot that you're supposed to love when Marvel produces utter garbage with your favorite character in it. Sure, he might have written it in character to Way's specifications, but I'd MUCH rather see him writing like Joe Kelly or Fabian Nicieza than Daniel Way. You yourself said it wasn't funny, and to me that stems from being exactly like Way's jokes.

You know why most new Looney Tunes aren't funny? Because all they do is recycle old jokes that were only funny the first time. This is how Way writes. This is how this fanfic came off to me. Some people like that, some people don't. I'm one of the "don't's" Did I say anywhere that I could do better than him?

By the way, that's fan GIRL rant.



SpideytheKing, sorry if you got the same impression that this guy has. I think "Snap crackle Pain!" was a good line, but I'd like to see more things along that line of jokes. Let me explain my prior opinion in a way that's devoid of humor lest I raise mikemacdee's hackles again.

I'm a big fan of Deadpool from the 90's up to the last issue of Cable & Deadpool, and the finale "Deadpool versus the Marvel Universe", and all his appearances in other comics. Deadpool has seen a multitude of writers since his introduction nearly 20 years ago, yet they all seem to know what made the character work up until you-know-who. After Cable and Deadpool was canceled and they announced a new Deadpool series I was quite excited. But hearing the new writer was going to have a Deadpool story in Wolverine: Origins, I got to check out his material before the new series started. The character that was portrayed in this story was so radically different from the character I knew and loved from previous books that I could not help feel sorely disappointed with it. And when the series came out, on top of the new and what many other people felt was unnecessary changes to the character, now Deadpool's stories had weak writing and weaker attempts at humor. The stories were boring and Deadpool's voices all sound like the same character. Worst of all, Deadpool's supporting cast disappeared without explanation. All the character development and story threads that had developed despite numerous cancellations in between were wiped away. Again, all changes, no explanation.

When I see a story such as yours, I can't help but be reminded of how good the comic was and what it is now, regardless if your story is good or not. It's not your fault that you like Deadpool this way, but I guess you're either one of the people who were unaware of the character before it was given to Way, or you're one of those who just accepts the drastic change and tries to work with it.
Sorry if my "opinion" seemed mean, I'm just hoping to see how much better it would be if you had a more classic Deadpool in this instead of the voice-filled Deadpool we see today.
On that note, the voices are too cumbersome and take up too much of the story. It's like having an MST3K with the most unfunny people you can think of doing the commentary. It just amounts to noise and filler. I know you're writing a Deadpool fic, but keep in mind the Merc with a Mouth didn't get his job by jabbering on, it's just a side effect of being insane. In other words, "A little less conversation, a little more action!" is what you need. We're getting blurbs of "And Deadpool does this" "Jason does that!" between Deadpool, Deadpool, Deadpool and Deadpool not shutting up. One Deadpool should suffice. He's talked to himself before but answering himself was never necessary before. He should also find himself pretty flustered that Jason doesn't talk back either. And where's my man with his yo mama jokes? He should be making fun of Jason mercilessly!

Please don't let two good comic artists fight over deadpool. There's enough of him to go around.
Well seeing as Amelius did the research and obviously is knowledgeable otherwise on the subject, they kinda have the right to go and say that.
On the other hand, Mikemacdee I know to be a great writer in "dialouge format" (for lack of better word) . So I know his opinions are also worth paying attention to.
The first post could have been said nicer and then both of you could have not gone and attacked each other. A few joking smilies would have made this world a better place. To prove this, scroll down a bit.




:D.

mikemacdee

Amelius
furious fanboy rant

Why don't you lighten the fuck up? Save that kind of rant for grownup issues that actually deserve it. This calls for objective criticism, not a pissy high-and-mighty novel about which Deadpool is awesome and which is lame. You've successfully given no useful suggestions to this author.

So I guess I'll be the middle man. I like Deadpool when he's funny. This wasn't really funny, and I can't think of a way that would improve it short of throwing it out, though I'm sure there are Deadpool fans who would dig it if you drew it. You also need to work on your punctuation. Look in the back of the dictionary and it ought to tell you how to use what and when.

Mike why don’t get off your high horse and stop being an ass hat? Amelius just said she thought he picked a poor example of Deadpool to write a fan fic about in a long winded way. That is hardly a crime.
Who died and made you judge of the internet? Oh no someone ranted ON THE INTERNET! Don’t look now but someone is complaining over at 4-chan about a Transformers 2 fan fic, if you leave now you might still be able to piss people off there too. If you are so concerned about "grown up issues" why not go impotently piss in the debate forum, I'm sure that will help save the whales or something. Oh wait this is the internet not the floor of the senate so I guess this is more the place for oh I don't know say talking about comic characters and a site about and for comics. ^_^ <- Smiley face so we're all friends YAY! Huh, sorry 1337 I don't think it is working for me. I must be doing it wrong.

Seriously this is a fan fic! If that doesn't open the door for some discussion on the subject of the story I don't know what does. If the author wanted nothing but feedback they should have posted it in the feedback forum.

Now on the subject of the story itself, sorry spidy for derailing your thread, well I think a fan fic forum might be a better place for this. They have a number of them out there. It isn't bad for first attempt but I think you need a little practice. You seem over anxious to get to the yapping and while a little description goes a long way you really need paint a picture of what is going on in a good story rather than rant it off like a police report. That said Deadpool totally should fight Jason and Dracula and Freddy oh and Abbot & Costello.

Keep practicing though. Maybe next time you should write an auqaman fan fic, not too many fans care which version you pick of that guy. ;) <- Oh hey look it is working now!

Heh, please simmer down on the tension guys.

ozoneocean
Heh, please simmer down on the tension guys.

Please do.
;)<- Oh hey look it is working now!
See? :D!