I've been honored to take care of this forum section and take care of it i shall.
With a vengeance.



.....next comic up for review is:



Witchthorn


As before a comic needs at least 4-5 nicely written
reviews before we can go on with the next one.

Well, well, lets get a look at this:

Dialogue: It was very easy it read and keep up a little bit. The grammar and spelling were perfect and everything was done well.
Story: The story seems original and it's well done. It takes me a bit to keep up with a story but overall... not bad at all. You say what is happening and the audience can keep up. Nothing wrong with that.
Tone:I feel a lot of anger in the tone. It seems... uneasy.. as if something really, really bad is about to happen. I like it and I'm sure it's part of the story.
Drawing: No complaints when it comes to the anatomy. It definitely catches the eye. I can't help but think of DC or Marvel when I read it... not sure if that's a bad thing or a good thing.

I think you could work on facial expressions a bit more. On Issue 12, page 18, all of the characters had the same expression... I couldn't feel anything from them.
Colour: Colouring, like most comics, is just fine. Nothing great... but nothing to complain about either. The shading is very well done, and like I said before, it reminds me of DC/Marvel.
Layout: Left to right it seems. I had no trouble keeping up. The text bubbles are placed in order of the conversation (seen comics were that doesn't happen) and overall, it's clean.

In the end, this comic is a good read. I'll give it an 8/10.

Art

On one hand, I like it, it's got a golden era of comics feel to it, it sort of reminds me of Johnny Quest, and the inking is very professional. That being said there is room for improvement. Firstly is that your eyes are generally slightly too big for your heads, and you don't really convey well a sense of depth on the face. It feels more like you've painted features on an egg. Which brings me to my next issue with the way you draw faces, you don't have alot of variation in your design, this one has lipstick, while that one's blonde, but really their facial features are nearly identical. Finally, there is an issue with consistancy. If you look closely (as I feel I must to give a decent critique) you'll notice that from panel to panel things like proportionality of eyes to head, nose length and depth of cheekbones are all over the place. As a reader I never really noticed it, but I was AWARE of it. I could tell there was something off putting that seperated your art from being on par with golden age comics, even though, superfically, it maintained alot of the same principles. Thats just my critique on the faces too, when we get to body shots and action sequences, I have new issues. You need to get a better feel for weight. You need to exaggerate where the weight is in each panel more than they might actually need it. Currently it seems more like you're posing action figures and drawing them. That is to say, they're very stiff. Remember you don't have motion to help convey action you only have a snapshot. Exaggerate your motion and it will look more natural. Give proportionate center of gravity and weight to limbs, if someone is hanging their head in thier hands it's going to effect their shoulders, their head isn't just lower. The consistancy issue comes back when I talk about backgrounds too. In one panel there will be a crack in the wall where bricks show on the right side of the person, in the next panel the person will have clearly not moved, but the crack will be on the left side of the person. In one panel there will be a statue by the door, later, same door, no statue. Here a character is wearing lipstick, one strip later lipstick's gone, next strip it's back. Theres alot good about your art, but theres alot that needs to be fixed, and theres alot that looks like you don't even need to improve to fix, but that you're just being lazy, or you're rushing. Infact, yours is one of the only comics I've seen where the art seems to get worse in later pages. I don't know if you're just being lazy or if it's because you lost your inker and he cleaned up alot of the minor errors for you in the past, but if you compare the art from book 7 to the art from book 12, theres a huge gap. Book 7 was very crisp the inking was fantastic and added depth where it needed to be and aided the anatomy of the art, and in book 12 it's entirely the opposite.

Writing

I used to do alot of excel lists at work, and so to help me from falling asleep in the middle of them I found some old timey radio shows on line, specifically old "The Shadow" programs. They had their charm, but being a radio program you ended up with alot of dialogue like this:

Evil Scientist Dr. Carlson: "I'm climbing the tower to the towns water supply! After I poison it my plan will be complete"
Shadow: "But I am right behind you Dr. Carlson. I'll stop you long before you reach the top."
Evil Scientist Dr. Carlson: "I'm already at the top, Shadow. Boy. It's windy up here! Now just to open the hatch to the water tower."
*Police sirens in background*
Shadow: "I'm at the top too Carlson! Your time is up!"
Evil Scientist Dr. Carlson: "You're too late Shadow! The hatch is open! The city will soon be dead!"
Shadow: "I've closed the hatch again Carlson. Its no use. You'd better climb down and turn yourself in."
Evil Scientist Dr. Carlson: "You'll never take me alive Shadow! I'll push you off the tower and then poison the water anyway!"
Shadow: "You'll never find me Carlson! I've clouded your vison to my location. You'll fall off the water tower first. It's too windy, just turn yourself in."
Evil Scientist Dr. Carlson: "Oh No! The wind blew me off the water tower! Ahhhhhhhhh"
Shadow: "Well Dr. Carlson. I guess the nightmare is finally over."

I shit you not, thats how the dialogue was. You're dialogue is often like this as well. Not usually as ridiculous but theres alot of characters announcing their actions while they're performing them. Theres alot of characters announcing their actions and intentions. For example "Every fiber of my body is being penetrated by it's dark magic! It-It's changing me!" Who says this when dark magic is penetrating every fiber of their body? If you hold your hand over a lighter you're not going to say, "the fire from my lighter is burning the flesh on my hand." You're going to say "holy crap, goddamnit ow!" If your intentionality is to "sound like" this golden age pulp fiction then you are there, but there is a reason popular culture left these things behind. They sound unnatural, like actors performing a play for children. One of the key principles of fiction writing is show, don't tell. Now, sometimes this works in your favor. Sometimes the stiff radio-show type dialogue really hits home and is funny, or dramatic or helps establish a certain mood. But you have every character talking the same way all the time, with this same sort of dialogue. Finally when you have the same character say "It's time to rock and roll!" and " By the awesome avatar of the ashboratep!" Well, one of those is a little out of character. I'll let you decide which one.

Now onto the story... I have no freaking Idea what the hell is going on and why. I understand you started at the point you started at because you felt the first four chapters just weren't as strong/were in a different format and you didn't really do any extra work, but you're just plopping us down with already developed characters in an already established universe without any introduction. So it takes several pages including action pages that lose there suspense because we don't know why anything's happening before your readers get their footing. Now, Let me bring up the Johnny Quest comparison again, because just like Johnny Quest, I don't care about these characters. They don't have any personality, so it's hard to feel for their dilemma. They're broad characterizations, they don't seem like actual people. The bad guys are too bad and the good guys are too good. Plus, every time the characters are in a bit of a jam you Deus-ex-machina them out of it. Giant bugs are about to devour them; cowboys come along and save them. They go to a dimension where everyone wants to kill them; future alien wife appears out of no where and shows them how to escape unharmed. Giant bugs about to rip apart the very fabric of space/time destroying all existance; whichthorn suddenly and without clear reason "unlocks his true power" and banishes them to their original dimension, even though they some how got out of that dimension in the first place, but whatever everything's fine now. The thing is, you don't just do this with external conflicts but internal conflicts as well. You've been building the "Whichthorn can't let his dead wife go" storyline up since the beginning of the story then out of the blue you have this! I dropped an audible "WTF!" "Well I just beat the Archmorg, I don't care about my dead wife anymore." and then the Archmorg is like "I'll get you Inspector Gadget! I'll get you yet!"

Production:

This is where you excel the most. The style of speech and throught bubbles you use are perfect for the format. The font you've chosen for the text, the title, the sound effects everything is exactly what it should be. And the camera angles you use ar dynamic, your panel layout is clear and it varies from page to page in order to best tell the story. I can not fault the production of this comic in any way shape or form. Everything is done to a "T" without the slightest issue. I did catch a grammatical error here and there, but they were miniscule, and I was looking for them, the average reader wont bat an eyelash.


All and all I think you've produced a strong comic that established and maintains the feel of golden-age pulp comics, but unfortunately it doesn't overcome some of the glaring writing issues that plauged pulp comics in their hayday and marked the reason they've become a thing of the past. Nor does it seem self aware of any of these issues, as a contemporary writer should. While the art is often strong it is also inconsistant which gives a weaker overall impression of a page than one might have otherwise.

I'm going to try and write this review without aping the previous commentators, but I can't help but agree with many of their points.

First, I feel the need to explain that I didn't read all of your pages. I tried to, but the characters and their activities failed to interest me enough to keep clicking the "next" button, even for purposes of a review. They are wooden, overly verbally demonstrative (see previous reviewer's comments on radio drama dialogue), and unsympathetic. Whatever weaknesses they have are so melodramatic that they become ludicrous, and the solutions occasionally nonsensical (been stuck in a hellish dimension for ages? You need a boyfriend!).

The golden age feel and flow IS fun, and you obviously truly love the style (those windows on Witchthorn's house look straight out of Dr. Strange). But just because you are copying a style doesn't mean you shouldn't work on your anatomy and perspective, too. The full body shots are especially problematic, with odd contortions and proportions distracting me from the good points of your art. I love the sprinkling of gargoyles among the panels, and the angles that you use. But in and amongst all of that I can't help but wonder why everyone has the same expression, has suddenly lost their neck, or is so anorexic (this is especially odd on page 12-7).

You have strong style and color, and an obvious love of the media. But, please, give me a reason to care about the characters!

Great reviews and very valid points from everyone. Thank you!

I am in complete agreement about some of the crits, specifically, the story sometimes makes no sense! I worked with a writer for issue 5, who is a terrific, and very accomplished writer, but who had some extremely difficult personal issues which prevented him from going forward with the series. I then attempted to finish the story line he had started, and get it back on track -- and don't I know that I was not terribly successful in doing so. My take on Witchthorn all along is that it should be fun, so I wasn't all that stressed that the story had some, uhm, holes in it. In the most recent story, I have attempted to focus a bit more and keep things sane. I don't know how well I'm doing there, either, to be honest.

I have been working on the anatomical issues -- I know that I tend to make people's eyes too big, and sometimes am inconsistent with the bodies, heights etc. A lot of this is because I draw this after a long day at work, and by the time I see the mistakes, the page has been published. That's not an excuse and I should (and hopefully will) do better.

The dialog is often kind of silly, partially because I was originally laying out the story, then drawing it, then writing the dialog. I've attempted to go the script-writing route recently, but I still find myself with way too many words to fit into a panel, and so I routinely edit while I'm lettering, sometimes, apparently, with unintentially comical effects. The only characters who are deliberately fed "jokes" are Nikki and Trogger. If anyone else says something funny, I blew it.

I really appreciate the crits, and am gratified that for the most part the first three reviewers seem to enjoy it. It's just a hobby for me. I'm in my 50's and have no illusions (nor ambitions) to break into the comics business. If it's enjoyable to others in any sense, that's good enough for me. But I do take the advice offered to heart and will attempt to make such improvements as have been pointed out are needed.

Thanks again!

Also, I'd love to hear from more people, so please post a review if you're so inclined.

WOW - I LOOOOOOVE this comic! It's indeed one of my faves here at DD! This comic is the epitome of a throwback! So deserving of a feature! This is my first stab at a review too!

Dialogue (A-) - It's concise and the storylines dovetail with each issue like a professionally done comic from back in the day, with present-day sensibilities! Seems like the pace and rhythm of webcomics isn't quite like that of your standard paperback anyway - This comic is like the best of both worlds when it comes to the stories and weaving all characters together for a great story. Nothing and I mean NOTHING is forced!

Art (A) - Hey, I love the Kirby-esque work of the Golden Age! I also love some of the inconspicuous ways the creator of Witchthorn pays homage and gives a nod to some of the Marvel classics (One episode had a window design much like Dr. Strange's Sanctum Sanctorum). Sure, the coloring and shading are a bit deep - BUT THAT'S THE MYSTIQUE OF THIS COMIC! It cannot be compared to the manga heavy fare here. Much of the anatomy and facial expressions back in the 60s were pretty narrow in design. Those constant grimaces are great!

Overall Production (A) - Professional! Classy! Well-thought out and intelligent! Updates regularly and is probably one of the most overlooked comics here at DD! You can tell that Steve takes pride in this project! It's a must fave simply based its originality here in DD.

Until the hero changes his hair BLUE and it becomes a FAUXHAWK...Make mine, WITHCTHORN!

Let me say just seeing the artstyle brings me back years! I was born in 1977 and I had missed the "classic" era of comics but they were still around when I got into comics and your art style pretty much nails it! As said before in each panel you tend to get wordy; this is something that myself as a writer has too. I have had to step back and look at each panel and say "what does the art not tell me when I am loking at this?" Once you answer that question it will cut down on a lot of "un-needed" stuff. Of course there are times when you need to cut loose (which both of us seem to have no problem doing as I can see :D ) so don't lose the edge to do that because people have said this. I think using a blend of words and art at the proper time is a golden tool for making a great comic!

The story is fun and smart. I love a comic that has a lot going on in it and this has it. I don't really want something that becomes like a formula, I want to find out what's happening not already know. So far Witchthorn does that! Keep it up I will jump in and comment on some of the pages directly in the next few days here!

I'll try and keep this short:

I like Witchthorn a lot. Its got excellent artwork, excellent story structure and characters, and it just feels like a great web comic. Its the type of comic that every comic should try to be. Its The artwork has a very clean style to it and it makes me think of the old golden age era comics. The layouts are all dynamic and theres always something going on. Even the dreaded talking heads are laid out in such a way that you wouldn't realize thats all thats going on. Body language and facial subtleties just ooze out of the artwork. Its an excellent comic that I'm proud to support. Go buy witchthorn merchandise already. What're you waiting for? [muddyplanet.net]

Bottom line: Way above average production value, golden era action intense, snappy dialogue, sci fi plots and interesting characters make for a great comic.

I hope you don:t mind that I feel like replying to you - I was thinking about what you wrote. First, about anatomy: we all have problems with it, and they just don`t go away without a lot of practice. Stare at people and doodle. Get a magazine and copy poses (see The Planet Closest to Heaven for a DD comic that takes photo references and goes hog wild with them) and buy a decent anatomical reference book (usually pretty cheap in a used book store, and so VERY useful). Overall, try penciling one night and inking the next night. Consider it a `cool down` period, and one which lets you change your mind. Oh, and mirrors help too, although you have to remember to reversing everything such as hands!

I don`t write scripts. Jenshin, who does Two Moons, writes exhaustive scripts. What is more important, I think, is that you know your characters well enough to gauge what they will do and say. Make `em distinct, and I think the rest will follow.

And keep it fun! Your love of it is what making comics is really about!

i think i'm pretty much going to agree with what everyone else has said.

the art is awesome. it's total classic comic illustration and i love it to death; the artist can pull of color and black and white with ease.

the story, on the other hand.... i'll admit it is compelling enough to read up on. however, it's nothing amazing. it doesn't match the artwork, that's for sure.

the overall feel of the comic i feel makes up for it, though. it's got its own personality and it stands out, and i think that style can count a great deal.
anyone could attempt this art style, but when one pulls it off and can make it convincing, that is worthy of praise. n stuff.

3/5

Witchthorn... Witchthorn... What can I say about Witchthorn? The thing is... Nothing NEEDS to be said about Witchthorn! It is a beautiful comic that looks like something which might exist in a parallel universe in which Jack Kirby was born in the mid-80s and thus started making comics on the internet as opposed to on paper.

What I'm saying is it's good. It's good like Jack Kirby, to be more specific.
Is it too much like Kirby's work? No. The answer is no. Witchthorn has a visual style all it's own.

The wonderfully silly, stilted dialogue is pretty great, but it might throw off readers who are new to comics as a medium. They might not know of the history of comics, and dismiss the writing as "hackneyed" instead of seeing it as a tribute to days gone by.

But the whole thing is not all "wink-wink" and "nudge-nudge," it's not just a giant inside joke between those "in the know."

In fact, it is actually a genuinely entertaining read! I know, I know. Weird, right?
You might take one look at it and say "Okay, only hardcore nerds are going to think this thing is cool" but you'd be wrong! Several of my jock friends have seen the comic and loved it.

But like I said, nothing needs to be said about Witchthorn. It speaks for itself.
(Not just, like, with the speech bubbles.)