.....next comic up for review is:


Sword of Heaven

....anyone?

Ok I will give it a shot. Have to say your art is very good! Every now and then bodies look a little off but all in all very good. When you decide to add details to panels it makes things very very lively other times we get a blank black background, which feels a little cheap. Your writing is good as well. I (being the writer of my comic) look at writing first and foremost because good writing makes good art into something magical, but I digress. Your characters have exactly that character; I feel I can tell them a part from the writing. After you have read enough you don't even need to see who is saying what to know who said it. That is something a lot of comics (pro or otherwise) are missing. However things are not all roses, there a few things I think you could work on.

First sometimes the action scenes are a little muddled. If you feel that you have to explain what happened in the scenes when you post a new page you need to make the scenes a bit clearer. While we are on the subject of pages, sometimes your panel layouts don't "flow" right, meaning the reader has to search for the way through the page. And one more thing I might be off the mark here, but it kind of reads like you don't really have a very long term plan for the storyline. If I am wrong excuse, if I am right, start jotting out ideas and get them into a timeline of major plotpoints and you can add your cool filler that you dream up at odd times as you go from plotpoint to plotpoint!

Don't take this in the worng way, I am really digging the vibe of the comic and think if you tweaked it a bit it can go a looooong way! Your art is very stylish and you characters are great! So keep it up!!!

Hate to post twice in this thread, but, just to clarify, yeah, I do have a long term plan for the story... it's just taking way longer than I figured to get around to it. Changes'll happen in, like, three chapters. Maybe four.
And, yeah, I should work on clarifying what goes on in the action bits a little more. Sometimes, it's hard... thanks for the review, though. It's much appreciated.

Good! just so you know as the reader I didn't feel quite like the story was fully in control. just giving you some crit.. you work is good and I plan to follow it

Okay for you I'mma give a little disclaimer.

1: I love the idea behind this comic and the story line but it really does need some work if you want it to have any type of a "metal" feel to it.

That said on to the review.


WRITING:

Okay from here we have dialogue, storyline, and because it's trying to have a musician feel to it as well style.

We'll go with dialogue first.


Dialogue

Okay here is seriously the bread winner of your comic. It's witty and smart and the characters have easily identifiable personality traits. That being said I can find no major problems with it and the only minor problems are that sometimes it can be a bit cliche but for the most part originality abounds from it. Which is a very good thing.

Storyline

Oh man. Well in my opinion there's some work to be done here. It has that "average anime" feel to it. We have a main character with a troubled past who is probably the weakest guy in his group. (Naruto, Yu Yu Hakusho, etc etc...) This is probably the most irritating thing about the comic. I mean having a weak main character or an impossibly strong main character is so over done. But your comic can easily rebound from this. I'm assuming he'll sober up and become a top tier swordsman or that he just holds back all of the time. Right now I must tell you do not go down those routes. They've been done and overdone. Maybe get him to train in a style that utilizes his weaknesses and creates advantages (i.e. drunken fighting or something of the sorts) only then can this story line begin to create originality from an otherwise cliche environment.


Style

Now as far as a "metal feel" goes I can definitely see the beginnings of that genre in Hotaru's attitude and actions. But to be honest it seems more like a regular old fashioned Shonen beat down.



So over all your writing is definitely the strong point of this comic now I have to comment on the art but don't take it too hard most of my crits can be easily overcome.


ART:


Okay there's all kinds of subcategories for art but you know what? #$@% that. I'm just going to give you my personal opinion as it comes to me.

1: My Hair Has Pixel Dandruff...

I love the shadowy style shading you do but the screen tone style is horrible man. I'm sorry but Hotaru's hair screen tone and in general most of the screen tone patterns just don't fit. I strongly suggest either buying different patterns of it, or if you photoshop it in, to Google some new ones. Here are some sites that sell it (although it's just as easy to save it and open in photoshop then work with it from there... hint hint) bluelinepro , psychobob , and I'm sure if you Google it you'll find dozens more.

2: Metal? NO METAL!

The thing that drew me in was the promise of a metal head comic. But alas she's not here matey! It's straight feudal japan Shonen! Come on guys in kimono's and Japanese huts has nothing to do with Metal. You already set the scene but that doesn't mean it can't change a bit. Take some advice from Re=Play or even Gravitation for godsakes! Or perhaps take it one step further and youtube some Static-X videos. Or HIM, Kidney Thieves, Cradle of Filth, Black Sabbath, The Darkness, and even go into the sub genres like Nu Metal (Mudvayne, Linkin Park, Taproot, etc.) And check out the industrial areas they use. The style they incorporate. And gradually incorporate it into your comic. Shows like Samurai Shamploo can get away with the Shonen/hip hop feel because they have music to coordinate it but you don't so you gotta go outside the box. Bitch slap the box man! Come up with some new wild and crazy stuff.


3: My Arm Go Bendy...

Anatomy. Perspectives. Take some time to look through other peoples works and work on your own a bit. Sometimes it can be a little off or confusing. But that's okay I highly suggest buying a Drawing Dummy if you can. They're about 15-25 bucks at any crafts shop.


4: What the Hell Hit Me?

your fight scenes can be a little... erratic. Confusing angles and blur can really throw a reader off. I suggest doing things a bit more clear and simple and working on general anatomy before getting back into the heavier stuff.


Basically I like the comic but it's feel is less Metallica and more... Rave Master as is. Take some time to try and incorporate new ideas and it should come along nicely.

Writing Score: 4.8/5

Art Score: 3.0/5


Beautiful writing but average art bring this baby to a score of...

Sword of Heaven Final Score: 3.9

Well, thanks for the critique.
My responses would be...

1) Metal? Gimme a few chapters. There's a big "turning point" coming up (which will also take care of the 'weak protagonist' thing without going overboard), after which we start branching out of the far east theme. It'll get crazy. I have a guy planned who f#$king eats people. That's pretty metal.
2) Haha, proportions. I get that all the damn time.
3) It's decidedly more "power metal" than "death metal", for the most part. My choice, but hey, metal is metal.

But yeah, I'll work on it. Anyone else...?

for some reason, this comic makes me want to watch gunbound.


first of all... i have to say that the profiles and other filler were totally unnecessary and really lost the momemtum. nothing makes a story via a comic fall flat on its face like a page seemingly out of nowhere, much less consecutive ones.

that aside, i have to say that the art is really good; very original, at least from what i've read. the use of different shaped panels with the black background, the sketchy characters, and the careful selection of coloring definitely helped the story feel more genuine.

and i did enjoy the story. like i said, i'm reminded oddly enough of vash the stampede, who is the main character in the only anime show i've ever liked. the story isn't golden, but it's definitely got a good deal of drawing power.

great fight scenes, by the way.

3.5/5

A nice book for certain, and has room for improvement and growth.

As far as the artwork and charecter design you have a few things going for you. Your charecters don't exactly look like carbon copies of anything I've seen, which lends itself both to your illustration, and to the design work. Easily identifiable and each unique. How ever there is the rare occasion that you could use some anatomy study as your charecters sometimes seem to look as though they suffer from a lack of a skeletal structure. A few refinement techniques and practice on still life drawings could fix that pretty quickly. Failing that? Try using stick figures as a base and build your charecter out from that. Sounds kinda lame but it works wonders trust me.

Your background art isn't alot to speak of, You can tell from time to time when you spend more time on something and when you don't. The boat you drew doesn't particularly look like anything recognizeable short of the Titanic or Noah's ark, but a little studying could always fix that up. All in all not bad, it gets the messege across for the most part and your charecters never seem to be behind a white screen for terribly long.

Your writing could use some help. From time to time it seems get jumpy. Hopping from one fight to the next gives it a video game to graphic novel feel. The snippets of story are few and far between. I know it's probably a little early into your story still, but for as many mentions as you've made about the Power Drive and "imps" There hasn't been alot of information.

Flashy fight scenes and rough dialog will hold readers for only so long, eventually you'll want to get to the point of telling your story or your readers may get bored. Not bad at all though, with a little tightening of the screws here and there it'll shape up pretty nicely. Well done overall.

Be checkin on ya :)

Art: The pacing of the panels are sometimes confusing. For instance, he was interrogated in a room on one page, escaped by the next page, and then drunk on a boat in the next. However, the clarity has improved in the newer pages. As a few people have mentioned: work on anatomy. Your action sequences are intense and cool btw, especially when Jetsam fights Lobo. Your chapter covers also looks cool, and does tie in very well with the story of each chapter.

Writing: so far the story is interesting, and I like the idea of how Hotaru constantly breaks the code of the samurai. Baddass. You should provide a little more information about the Power Drive. Your recent speech bubbles look great, keep it up.

Well then, ^-^ overall I'd say this is an excellent piece of satire!

It's got all the lovely overused story plot points and plot holes etc. and the author outright points them out! From the antihero samurai, to the police-drone-like-things to the title of the comic itself, this whole comic screams "I'm poking fun at mainstream!"

The dialogue is exactly what you would expect such stereotypical characters would say and definitely aim to amuse.

This comic delves right into the story and keeps hanging on a new rung of interest every step up the ladder that is the storyline. It keeps the reader interested and basically it makes you want to keep reading. Although, it moves rather fast at some points and you have to pay attention.

The highest point in the comic is the picture editing! Textures, action effects, onomatopoeias, shading, speech bubbles... whatever you name it! The computer work is astronomically BRILLIANT! I cannot express enough how much I love it! All the shadows are straight black and work wonderfully with setting the mood for a very 'samurai-ish feel' I'm not sure how that works but I think it's because it kind of reminds of 'blade of the immortal'

now, the biggest downfall I believe is the actual artwork... it's not fantastic but not to say it's horrendous... it just needs some work. The line-work is also a bit shake-y at times. BUT with such wonderful shading and texturing and effects etc. it's OKAY that the artwork isn't equally brilliant! (I have NO idea how this author is able to pull off great shading on not so great artwork O.o it just worked!)

All in all, a lovely comic ^-^

Flyingwind, you are now my most favoritest person on Earth.
I think your review may be the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. XD

I think what I loved most was that you mentioned Blade of the Immortal! I think I've said it before, but I'll say it again:
Sword of Heaven's biggest reference material is Rurouni Kenshin, Samurai Champloo, and Blade of the Immortal (Giichi and Anotsu are the best).
That anyone would actually make that connection on their own makes me so damn happy, you can't even imagine. Thanks!

Sword of Heaven is a shounen action manga about Samurai with a self-parodying streak. Occasionally rushed, sometimes comes a bit too close to Samurai Champloo, but generally a good read with some skilfully drawn action scenes.

The story moves erratically at times, going quickly or slowly . Generally it remains coherent, and the jerky pace fits with the 'mashed up' feel the comic tries to get across. The feel of it has a strong 'Samurai Champloo' influence, which when I first saw the comic almost put me off. The main character dresses a lot like characters from said series, and I was concerned it may be just a ripoff. The loose style of the art and the irreverent 'samurai meets modern day' feel are both very Champloo-esque. Luckily SoH manages to avoid being so much like the series to just be a weak copy. Still, it's likely that if you don't enjoy Samurai Champloo, this won't be your thing. I'm not sure about the whole 'for metalheads' claim, since there's not a strong 'metal' influence visible at the moment. But since Blackmoon has said this is to change earlier in the thread already, I guess I'll just wait and see where this goes. The characters are well-rounded and fun to read, and the parodies of the genre are genuinely funny. It's an easy comic to enjoy reading because it keeps the cast small, the pages punchy and the dialogue short and sharp.

The art lacks polish, but is original and has charm. The visual narrative is clear, and the fights are easy to follow. The combination of brittle ink lines, traditional manga screentones and blocks of colour looks very good. It's like shounen manga meets Sin City. I dig that. Maybe a greater variation in tones would help give pages more visual punch though, often the screentones used are lots of flat midtones, making the pages lack depth. Some work on the anatomical drawing would be good too. It'd give the art a lift and allow for more interesting angles.
The main weakness in the presentation though are the page layouts. The pages waste large amounts of space between the panels, which don't seem to be drawn with any consideration for how they will all fit together on the page. It needs something doing with it. The contents of the panels are good, but the poor presentation of the panels pulls the whole thing down. More thought into the size panels should be before drawing the page would lead to more coherent finished pages with less wasted space, which would make everything look better.

It's a good, solid comic. I'd recommend giving it a look, it's enjoyable. With some effort put into the presentation and finish, it could really sparkle.

Lessee here. Sorry if it's short.

SOARD O' HEBBIN

First Glance: 9/10. Very cinematic. I think the author can definitely see this stuff as a movie, and so can I.

Art: 8/10. The craftsmanship might be a little sloppy, but at the same time, it doesn't try too hard with realism and gives the author a good consistency of effort to work with. Perhaps that's why it's updated so much. The only negative I can see with this is the halftone screen used with some of the colors that gives me a headache, since I'm looking at it from a computer screen. I have the feeling I'm not the only one who feels that way.

Placement within the frame: 10/10. See "first glance."

Plot: 9/10. The characters have actual personalities. Right from the first comic we're drawn in to what's going on.

Dialogue: 6/10. Nothing that particularly stands out, but hey, the other factors make up for it.

Overall: 42/50. THIS GAME IS THE MEANING OF LIFE :P

Art~


I think you have slight problems with the anatomy. The heads (hair part) of the characters seem to be too big. In ratio to their faces there could be another one fitted in their hair. Also, sloppy inking, or rather now that i look closer it's sloppy photoshop (or whatever you use) with black. I understand that you probably use a mouse and it's hard to make a nice straight like, but it's possible, trust me cuz i'm in the same boat :). Also, again, anatomy. You sometimes give your characters rubber arms. An arm should have a distinct elbow which is angular, your elbows are sometimes rounded. Also, I don't know if the random use of color works for this. It's fine when you have the whole page in color, but when you have a random character in only one of the frames...that looks odd. Also, the frames. Try to mix it up a little and break away from using only perfect rectangles, get some skewed ones in, it will make the page look more interesting. Speaking of which, the re are too many close ups. After a while it starts to seem that that's all you use are the close up (bust) shots and the wide angle (crowd) shots. Again, try to mix things up. These are the two main things that bugged me when I was reading this comic actually, so you might wanna look into that. Need help or consultation sent me an email ;)

Oh, and I really like your fight scenes. Very dynamic. Keep up the good work.

Plot~

I like the story like and where all this is going, but it still need some improvement. It's seems too...well cliche. There is no twist or anything to really capture my attention just because I've seen this story a million times, so I get bored. Love the dialog though. It's very clever. Great job.

Well I hope you won't get discouraged because of my critique. All of these are easily fixed so don't worry just keep at it and all will come :)

Overview: Sword of Heaven is one of those heavy metal inspired dark fantasy, like the manga "Bastard!!" or the now dead cartoon series "Korgoth of Barbaria" with a samurai flavoring like in so many manga that I cannot even begin to name how many.

Art Style: The opening pages' artwork is a little rough but it starts to smooth out a bit, which shows a developing style and that the author is willing to work on improvement. The comic is black and white except for red, which is kind of interesting to note since I do the same thing in my webcomic too. ^_^ I'm happy there's little to no blankspace to note, but I have to say that the thing that irks me a little is the hard. From how its drawn, the hair almost resembles helmets to some level. They seem just the tiniest bit stiff and it almost appears as if its sitting on top of the head, like a helmet. I noticed in some strips that this is trying to be fixed. I don't know if this is because everyone in the universe puts a ton of mousse into their hair or not. I like the addition of zip-a-toning and the backgrounds. Its very classic 90s manga.
7.5/10

Storyline: I enjoy violence. I especially like well drawn fight scenes or 300-esque epic battles. This is probably because I have a serious underlying problem, but thats despite the point. The story supplies you with action but the drawing of the action...leaves something to be desired. The story is improving because it starts picking up a litle and I was ABOUT to complain about the action sequences when I noticed that "hey its not all that bad", so there's room for love. Hooray.
8/10

Dialogue: The dialogue is fine. No complaints here. Sometimes I wonder if the '...' bubble is necessary when the looks on the character can tell you about it. I have to wonder the age of certain characters and if they would use certain terms. Like, if a character is supposedly badass would he say "uh oh..." or would he go "shit! I'm in trouble!"
8/10

Other: The background fo the webpage reminds me of the artwork of the guy who designed the alien for the Alien film series, which I like because I'm qwerty like that. His name's Tabor, Uber, something German-ish like that I believe. What I'm trying to say is that I like it.
8/10

Summary: There's a lot to love here. Like when Drowtales first started, the comic is rough but its being worked on so you can still dig it. I say give it a read. There's some real interesting ideas here. I'm not sure how heavy metal it is, though. Give it a read.

8.5/10 in general