Sorry for the delay!

http://www.drunkduck.com/Project_Mango/index.php

I'm going to try something different here, and review as I read along. Let me know how it works.

Chapter 1 Cover- It's a good sketch, but a poor cartoon. I know that's a weird comment, but I'll explain it. It looks overdrawn. It doesn't flow. Instead it looks like the artist struggled over every detail. The result is a technically good but lifeless drawing. This is something I struggle with all the time, seeking detail perfection, and the more I do it, the less the art comes alive. The solution? For me it has always been- draw faster, draw less, don't tinker when it's done.

Pg 1-1 (no, I won't do them all. I'll skip forward in a minute)- The first thing I noticed was that the drawings are gray, the font BLACK. This makes the words pop out and distracts from the art. Either scan in B&W rather than grayscale, or change the font color. Again, the art looks what I call "overdrawn." Try big sweeping curves and strong lines, and try, well, less. The writing in the intro is great. It's well-paced, interesting, throws me a curve, and makes me smile and want to move on to the next panel. So I will.

Pg 1-2- Okay, something good to say about the art. The drunk holding up the beer is GREAT! Proportions are good, sense of motion is there, and it's all simple lines. Compare that figure to the drunk on Pg 1-1, and I think you'll see what I mean. Also (back to pg 2), either your proportions are off or the people standing by the table are really little.

time to skip

Pg. 1-16- i'm liking the story so far. Writing is a clear strong point. The art is obviously very good, and perhaps exactly what you want, but to me looks like preliminary sketches rather than a final comic.

Pg 1-22- I was going to skip commenting on the one-eyed look, but it's just so darned distracting. This is a perfect example. I realize the idea is to give a look other than head-on, but this doesn't do it. Instead, it just looks like you didn't draw the other eye. Basically, you are still drawing head on, with the nose pointed one way or the other and an eye missing. That isn't really a good substitute for drawing faces three-quarters on.

Pg 1-30- look at this one- it's another example of the one-eye thing. In the second and third panel the character's head is supposed to be turning from one side to the other. But it doesn't. The motion lines and moving eye don't give a sense of movement, just a sense of drawing. On the other hand, I loved the monsters. They look terrific.

Pg 1-37- Back to the sketching gripe, by way of illustration. Look at the monster here, how sketched and sketched it is. Compare that to the monsters at the bottom of 1-30, far more simply drawn. The ones in 30 look like cartoons. The one here in 37 looks like a pencil or charcoal preliminary sketch for the one in 30.

Conclusion- This is the product of a really good artist and writer, but the art needs to take the next step- turning the sketches into comics. Give it a try. Once the sketch is done, what you are posting now, get two black pens, a thick one and a thin one. Draw over your main lines in the foreground with simple sweeping curves and lines, leaving out the detail. Draw over the main lines in the background, and a FEW detail lines in the foreground, with the thin pen. Then erase the pencil sketching and see what you've got. Wait a day, or you will tinker too much. The next day fill in 1/10th of the detail you are tempted to do, scan it, and see how it looks on the screen. My bet is you will be pleasantly surprised.

Ok, let's get this started.

Art:
Pretty good. Pretty good proportions and anatomy. Lots of attention paid to the backgrounds, and good use of motion lines to really give a sense of action. The art is improving, the use of more grays and tans toward the end is a big improvement.

My chief complaint is that the pages are REALLY cluttered. Lots of little lines on in most panels. Fabric folds, shading, background details, character details, action lines, effects, often times overlapping each other. These details break up the shapes and make the art less clear. I would recommend inking your strips, and using wider width pens to for your most important lines, that way no matter how much is going on the most important stuff will be easily recognizable. I also think a different way of drawing the panels would be nice. I used to draw my panels in a similar way. Yeah, its boring to spend time on them but the whole comic really looks a lot better if you bite the bullet and put some effort into those panels.

Writing:
Again, pretty good. I didnt have any trouble reading it and there were a lot of good one liners. It seems like a lot of thought was put into the dialog, but not much planning went into the story arcs or characters (which seemed to me a touch slap-dash).

Ratings:
Art: 3.5 out of 5
Writing: 3.5 out of 5
Overall: 3.5 out of 5

(This is my first review, so sorry if it's not great. v_v)

Firstly, I've gotta say, this was consistently funny. I did laugh a lot when reading through. Poor, poor Hanzo... XD

Art

I'm gonna have to agree with the last two reviews. The art does tend to get a bit cluttered. Detail is a good thing to have, but when there's too much of it it can make it difficult to see what's going on. (The skeleton on page 27 was awesome though. -_^) I'll also agree to try inking it. This would really add a lot to the art.

The character designs are pretty good. They're nice and distinctive, and work well for each of the characters. The range of poses and angles is also quite impressive, especially during the action scenes. The only criticisms I have here are the one-eyed angle thing that's been mentioned (I know it's one way to show a 3/4 angle but it's mostly used elsewhere when the angle is more towards side-on than frontal) and the clothes creases. 3/4 angling can be hard, especially trying to get the eyes right, but practise. ^_^ With the clothes, mostly in real life not ALL of those creases would be there. Just put in the most noticeable two or three, you'll find clothes will seem to hang more naturally.

As far as colours seem to go, I did notice that the actual drawings seemed to be very grey near the beginning, with the only actual black being in the text and panelling, but by page 40 that's improved a lot. You could maybe use a little more light & shade but it seems that's coming along as the comic continues.

I can't comment much on panelling (I have HUGE problems with that myself) but maybe introduce a little more variety? It seems there are a lot of strips-across the page, sometimes split into squares, and a lot of 2-panel pages with a big panel and a little panel. Maybe you could mix it up a bit, with insets and differently-shaped panels for important but smaller bits? (If this paragraph was confusing, forgive me. I don't have the necessary specialist vocabulary. XD)

Overall - Nice style, well-designed characters, not too many anatomy issues. Just tone the detail down a little (I have the opposite problem myself XD) and add a little more shade and it'll help a lot.

Story / Writing

It's definitely obvious you've spent time planning this. As I mentioned to start with, very nice comedy writing.

The set-up is also something I've never seen before - the characters having to take over the world rather than saving it is fairly unusual. I can tell the rest of the story is going to be something interesting. There are hints that you've given some thought to the world the characters live in, which is nice to see.

The characters themselves are quite well-written, obviously with good personalities of their own, but not really showing them much. The only one I'm not too sure about is the magician, but he hasn't had much time to show his personality yet. You mentioned in a comment that Shion is supposed to be a toadying ass-kisser, maybe she hasn't shown much of that in the comic yet? Overall, you seem to have a good grasp of how your characters will act, but haven't really worked with that much.

One problem I have with it - and this is just my personal preference - that the action part is taking a very long time. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but just make sure the story doesn't get bogged down in long fights or it could take forever to get anywhere. XD

Overall

My overall impression of this comic is that it's a funny story with interesting characters and art that, while consistently nice to look at, could use a little tweaking. With a few improvements, this could be a great comic. As it is, it's definitely caught my interest and I'll be keeping an eye on it. -_^

Art: Is, in general, quite good, but could use some refining to make it really top notch. It seems to have an intentionally sketchy style that is mostly created by very short strokes. If there were more long strokes or continuous lines it would make it easier for the eyes to focus on. Also, I really think experimentation with line width would improve the art dramatically. With everything being drawn with the same sketchy thin lines it doesn't look nearly as dynamic as it could be. The art being pretty darn good so far, I think those two things would just make it really great.

Could stand to use more backgrounds.

Writing: I don't really have anything to critique. It's the basic "fantasy journey" plot but with a funny twist, and the humor, though occasionally a little cliche, is well done. It's fun, doesn't take itself too seriously and is very appropriate to what the writer seems to be going for. I personally really liked how the drunken speech was done at the beginning. It made me giggle.

Technical: There are a few typos here and there, but they all seem to be typos, not a lack of knowledge of or caring about the language. They're all pretty easy to figure out, but maybe double check before you post?

The font change near the beginning was a good move. Much easier on the eyes.

The narrator's text at the beginning is just kind of free floating, which felt a little odd. Maybe use a box or something if that comes back around?

I think the only thing that I really didn't like was the lack of gutters between panels. It gets a little confusing when all the panels are stuck together as to which one comes next. Gutters would help this, and they really only take a few more minutes on each page.

Oh, and the fight scenes are a little bit long for my taste, but that seems to be something you are testing out, and I'm not much for fights, anyway. The action sequences look good technically, though, so props to you for that. That's something I don't think I could ever do.

Overall: I think you're doing a really great job already and this review is basically me being nitpicky about what you could improve to make it even better.

This is my very first review here on DD, so please forgive me if I suck.
I'll have a more of an opinion ---> tip kinda approach, for my actual review is pretty similar to the others above.


ART
First of all: You have a pretty good crasp on anatomy. It's also nice to see manga-ish style with a lot of shading and detail :D

- I'd still recommend using more shades and textures. As in darkened areas (grey or black), not just sketchy lines. It'll help the pictures to jump up a bit.
You can also create "cheap'n'easy" backgrounds by adding tones to the back. This way you don't have to draw so much (sometimes unrelevant) BG acticity. Or try colouring some parts of the comic? For example use black, white and red.
- It would be good to variete the thickness and lenght of your lines. That's another great way of making the characters more alive. Simplify a bit: leave out some of the foldings in your clothes and so on. Try different stuff!
- Panels are slightly unclear. I think you should either add a gutter, or at least organize them in a more simple manner. Now when I read this comic I'm not always that sure what happens; what speech bubbles should I read first etc.
(- Personally I'm not a big fan of one-eyed manga characters... When the mood or angle doesn't need that effect, then it's best not to use it.)

+ Thumbs up for the sceleton on page 27!
+ Monsters on page 28 and onwards were also great!
+ Page 40 :D


WRITING/STORY

It was a "basic" fantasy comedy, but I liked the dialogue. Sometimes the cursing maybe went a bit too far, but overall it made me snicker a couple of times.

+ Personally I loved the commenting dog, "She said a bad word" :D
+ Also, the way you wrote lines for the battles in the beginning - I'm diggin' it.
+ Oh yeah, and the part about Harry Potter trying to join the quest.

- Action scenes are bit too long for my taste. But if that's what you're after, then keep it. It's your thing.

Some technical typos here and there, but I'm not the one to say anything about that... As mentioned before, maybe you COULD double-check your pages? The seem so futile. You obviously know your English.


OVERALL
It was an enjoyable comic with a funny dialogue and pretty good art - good entertainment!
With a few small "improvements/changes" it can be really, really great.
Keep at it! :D

Well I'm jumping on the review bandwagon a little late, and a lot of my first reactions have been covered by other folks here. I wanted to address a key issue that I think has been danced around a few times with regard to lettering and such, but is really something concerning the whole comic: integration.

What you've got here is a very funny quest parody, but the parts of the story that are "quest" and the parts that are "parody" aren't really gelling. You clearly have the ability to let the zaniness of the dialogue influence how your draw your characters on occasion, but we forget that each time they enter a fight sequence and immediately start in on a series of Rob Liefield poses. I was very aware throughout the story that I kept "switching modes" between dramatic fantasy and more comedic dialogue scenes. Since the "quest" element of your story is really pretty standard, you benefit when you take the time for extended gags, like your cameo as a character. The scene in which the characters search for a new teammember was also very funny, and worked because the dialogue gelled with the situation. I think that the humor of the story is it's strength, and sometimes when the drawings aren't perfect it's forgivable because of the overall nihilistic tone of the whole thing.

The complaints about your lengthy fight scenes are, I think, a reflection on parts that "need more funny." Moving forward, I would suggest that if you have large sequences in which there's no comedic arc, reevaluate whether or not you can infuse a humorous element, and if not I would suggest scrapping those parts entirely. I notice in some of your own comments you seem concerned about having too much dialogue, but you feel that you have to advance the plot. As a reader, let me say this: I don't care about the plot of this particular piece. I care about a lot of goofy ninjas running around saying disgusting things to one another and making me laugh, and that gets held up every time they stop for a second in an attempt to take themselves seriously.

This is not to say that dramatic stories aren't important, or that I don't think, at some point, you should write a dramatic fantasy. But this particular story's main strength is that it's full of a kind of humor that shouldn't be there, and if you can make the art follow suit, you'll be in good shape.

In short, you don't need to make it funnier, but you could do well to make it funny more often, and with more attention to how that humor affects the overall feel of your book.

Project: Mango... Well, having an allegiance to a man named Mango, the name itself drew me in, but I have to say, the art style really held me in. I may think about favoriting this, but it seems plagued with inconsistent updates. The story really revolves around something trivial turned into something huge by sheer stupidity, but a funny stupidity that makes you go on and hope that it doesn't end.

Now, the art is pretty amazing. It's all pen on white paper like most hand-drawn comics on here, and it really looks sketchy. Not a bad sketchy, but it just is composed of what looks like unfinished sketches. I'd like to see it cleaned up a little, but perhaps that is what makes the character of the art, one of it's draws, so to say. It's one of those things where I wouldn't mind seeing it in full color, but it is terrific just the way it is. The attention to detail is great, but the lack of a 'far eye' gets rather creepy and seems just lazy in some scenes.

The story is driven by the main characters stupidity, but isn't very deep. I can only expect that is made that way purely so the story can move on faster and questions can't be asked because the characters are already in another situation where they have to work together. In my opinion, however, it needs a much deeper storyline to fit the art and realism shown, and more developed characters. Why is Shion still with the group? She seems like she could do better by herself, really. And the fact Hanzo is completely useless is funny, but it annoys me to no end why he still calls himself a ninja during all this.

This comic has simple humor, but it's far too mixed. The main character, Kate, has a foul mouth, so I wouldn't recommend it to small children. On the same token, though, a lot of the jokes seem more fitting to the younger audiences, such as when Hanzo and Kate hit the ground after teleporting, a repeated gag. But the monsters are too large and impressive for the children, and the action is intense, but it seems to try and be more kid-friendly by a lack of blood and gore, instead replacing it with what could be called 'shiny effects', if the comic was shaded in anyway.

Overall, I'd give it a 6.5/10. The artwork is great and the plot is simple to follow without getting lost. There are some parts where you will laugh and parts where you'll just blink and go, "Oookay then. You do that. I'll just... go read Troop 37 now..." Or something to that effect. A main point is the shifting of styles, which seems like it would fit more with a show such as 'Kappa Mikey' or whatever it's called, as it seems to do what would be funny at that moment without staying consistent. I recommend reading the first ten pages to get a feel for it yourself, then you can decide what to do from there.