I'm totally going to review this one.

http://www.drunkduck.com/Last_War/

Alright here we go...

ART- Manga styled. Not my favorite kind of thing. I was heavily influenced by manga when I first started out, but I find the stylistic elements of it contraining these days, especially since everyone seems to be doing it. Still, for a manga style this is pretty good. The main problem is the lack of backgrounds. Pages like these have no background to speak of. This is really something I wish manga comics wouldn't do. Especially with webcomics, where we need to be constantly reminded of where the characters are every update. Also- tones and the fact that the comic is read from right to left. Totally unnecessary for American readers. Just confuses us. Still, the art improves. That's a good thing. Oh, but it must be not very hard for her to look like a guy, considering that all the guys look girlish. :P Perspective is a bit muddy. The properly proportioned characters up against flat looking backgrounds looks awkward. Text is a bit small as well.


WRITING- Early part seemed very cliche. Also, the expressions remind me way too much of Ed's frequent outbursts in FMA which try to make the plot seem less serious. I also find the flow of the story to be typical. There's the flashback to when they're young, then a realization of tragedy, then a quest. There's comic relief accompanied by all the typical anime-emoticons. There's the long speeches which sound a bit contrived and corney, with the blushes and "^_^" expressions in certain places. And then there's the bishi looking characters with dark pasts or futures. And then of course, there's a fight to break it all up and provide some cool camera angles All of it points to generic anime marketing scheme. Unfortunatly while this works in Japan and in anime-fandom circles you're going to find people who don't like this kind of stuff on the web. Personally I don't find it all that great. I appreciate the amount of effor put into this, but it's really not my thing. I know you can probably attract a lot of readers with it though. So in the interest of that here's what I recommend:

Work on your perspective, 1, 2, and 3 point.
Make sure there's backgrounds in at least one or 2 panels per page. Never leave a page with no backgrounds.
Keep drawing.

ART
You can certaintly draw a pretty great shot of someone standing still or a close up, but that's about it. Whenever a character is performing any excessive movement they move like paper dolls, all their joints bending at right angles. Really, aside from a few impressive close up shots, the whole comic feels really flat. This stems from the fact that perspective is rarely used and when it is it isn't done well. On this page for example http://www.drunkduck.com/Last_War/index.php?p=18541 the way the little girl is looking up makes no sense. You've implied that the view is directly above the girl y the way her dress is, yet we can see her enitre chest. She has to bending at a pretty extreme angle for that view to be possible. Also, due to the perfectly even line width, the illusion of perspective on her is further dilluted. Objects closer to the camera should have thicker lines, as it's an easy way to force the illusion of perspective. The excessive use of screentones adds to the flatness as well. A paticularly aggrivating example is the brick toned gate on this page http://www.drunkduck.com/Last_War/index.php?p=19131 amn is that lazy. And still adding to the flatness is the stiff actions of the characters I mentioned earlier. Whenever the characters are doing anything that isn't standing still, even actions as simple as bending an arm, they look extremely unrealistic. This is a result of the generally weak gestures of your characters. Here, for example http://www.drunkduck.com/Last_War/index.php?p=20296 in the bottom leftmost panel, the main character is throwing himself at the train guy. Yet, the torso of the train guy is stiff as a board, which can be seen on the following page as well. Logically, there should be some give to the guy the main girl is hurling herself at. He should bend with the weight of the impact. Here's another page rife with examples, from the fight scene http://www.drunkduck.com/Last_War/index.php?p=21050 The first two panels make almost no narrative sense, since there's no transition at all between the kick and the ridiculously dramatic flip. The perspective on the throwing panel doesn't give the illusion that the guy is throwing that box forward, you should have made the hand and box much larger, and finally, the gesture in the final panel is very stiff and doesn't look like running. Also, the speedlines that were handdrawn are kinda crooked and actually hinder a sense of speed for the scene. Also, about that narrative flow. You have a common amature comic ailment, known as the "camera is way to freaking close all the time" disease. You almost never have perspective shots, and I can't recall even one enviromental shot. Like mentioned in the previous review, your lack of backgrounds combined with your lack of establishing shots gives your comic a very vauge sense of place, and I'm never really sure were all the characters are in relation to each other. On that fight scene page, I had no idea what the distance between the throwing character and the catching character is, so the throw itself barely felt like it happened. On this page http://www.drunkduck.com/Last_War/index.php?p=19130 the girl is climbing down the side of the house, but I have no diea what the house looks like, or how far above the ground she is. You can see how this makes following a story difficult.

Basically, you do have some talent, and some of those close up face shots (like this one in the bottom panel http://www.drunkduck.com/Last_War/index.php?p=21070 ) but for the most part the art is stiff, uninteresting, lacks backgrounds and establishing shots and is thus confusing in a narrative sense. There's also the occasional unsure line, which is common for amature artists. Ideally, when someone looks at a drawing, they will see the thing you drew, and not a collection of lines. But anyways, yeah, you've got some things to work on.

WRITING
I don't mean to insult you, but is english your native language? Because this comic reads like a few literally translated manga I've read. (again, I'm not trying to insult you, if you primarily speak another language, that would explain your character's lack of colloquial speech) All that being said, this comic's writing is stiff and sterile. It has no personality at all. Here, for example http://www.drunkduck.com/Last_War/index.php?p=20505 she says "Oh it is you" instead of maybe "Oh, it's you." or "Oh! It's you." And farther down the page "I am Karan nice to meet ya." instead of perhaps "I'm Karan, nice ta meet ya." Really, these are just little grammar issues. It's not that they're incorrect, it's just that they're boring. Everyone in this comic speaks like a textbook. Syntax aside, the story itself develops far too quickly. You handled the "she misses her brother a lot" thing okay, but everything after that feels like it moves far too fast. In that fight scene you seem to suddenly force character development out of that guy we met two pages ago and it just feels really off. You don't really give us enough time to get to know the characters and they aren't paticularly well developed anyways. I can barely tell the characters apart from each other by personality.

So yeah, the writing doesn't do it for me. If you fixed the lack of personality in the writing, gave each character a distinctive "voice" then it would help the presentation a ton.

OVERALL
Doesn't do it for me. There's a ton of problems with the art and the dry writing keeps me from enjoying the story. So work on it. You have some talent drawing, but you really need to work on your gestures and compostion. So keep trying.

Thanks for the review =D i know i got alot of things to work on, my perspective and background is so bad that even I don't wana look at it lol, also I must improve on character movements >< cause they look too stiff
= =;;;; But I'll keep on drawing and improve on those XD, yeah I don't speak english well = =;;;; orz...but I'll try my best XD

First off, I must say I'm rather impressed with a lot of elements of this particular comic. Even with sparse backgrounds it is interesting to look at because the characters are generally well drawn and detailed. The storyline is interesting, it feels a little familiar, not saying it's like everything else I've read with a similar theme, it still has its own thing going for it too.


Art:Despite a few anatomy troubles especially in the arm area, I'm quite impressed. The character faces are well drawn, especially the eyes (I'm a little envious of the eyes, those look great) the hair is well done too but I think the part that I like the most is the clothing. I wish I could draw clothes like that myself, dang! Not only are some of the costumes layered and complicated-looking, but they are actually fitting on the character well. Great job on that! The toning is very, very well done. That is, the ones used on the actual characters...sometimes the pattern tones make things look a little odd or flat if there's no shading on them (I'm referring mostly to backgrounds in this though, like the wallpaper on the train, etcetera) Excellent job on character shading, I haven't noticed any weird placement of shadows that make the shape of the character look awkward. And the tones you use are nice and subtle ones instead of garish black dots that make shading look awkward (which I've seen in other webmangas, which is a real shame when great linework is drowning in bold mismatched tones)
Speaking of linework now, very good. The lines are clean and clear, though I'd suggest a little variation in line thickness, especially in panels where different characters overlap. Generally a nice bold outline around the characters would make them "pop" from the backgrounds. A little extra effort, but worth it in the end.

The anatomy issue I mentioned earlier seems mostly prevelant in the arm area...I think this mabe caused by the length of the arms when they are bending as opposed to the way they are looking when straight...they appear shorter when the arm is down at times, making the character look like his or her arms are mismatched lenghts. Also the elbow area itself may be where you want to look for solving this problem: when they are bent, there is too much space between the bottom corners of the joint, so it looks like they don't have elbows.
However, this page here demonstrates that you are capable of doing it well, specifically the first panel, that looks more natural. The second panel looks good in that area too because you pointed off the elbow instead of rounding it (one of the reasons it usually looks a little awkward)
In the last panel, the left arm (on the right) looks good, but the other one looks like it's getting into the awkwardness. I think you can solve this problem by making sure the upper arm isn't too long. I know manga in this style has a tendency toward long limbs, which may be where this habit was picked up. I wouldn't tell you to reference real-life examples of arms in this matter then, because it would clash with the design sooo...I say take a look at some popular manga and kinda copy the way they draw arms for practice. I'm sure you'll get the hang of it, what you've done so far is looking great, it just needs a little polishing in that area.
I don't mean to sound nitpicky about the arms though because they give me trouble too, especially poses where a character has an arm up or behind their head, which I see a lot of in Last War.
The two parts of the arms are supposed to be almost even in length so if one part is longer than the other, you'l have trouble.
The legs look good though :-D


Writing: Hey, not bad. An interesting story so far, and an interesting situation.
The dialogue isn't terrible, but may need a little more...well, personality. It seems like the character's personalities are more seperate in their appearances and expressions than in their actual dialogue. Don't take that wrong though, what I mean is the characters seem rather informal with eachother at times...which I suppose makes sense since they've pretty much just met. I'm not saying that what is needed is a love relationship in the comic or anything, but it would be nice to see more character interaction that isn't running or yelling to each other, or simply talking about the storyline...friendships and familiarity may need to develop too. Even the most fascinating and well-concieved plot won't be as interesting if you can't connect at some level with the characters.
For Irenina, we know she's a determined girl, but it would be nice to see a little more of what she thinks of the others too (You are starting to do this with the train scene where she doesn't want to sit next to Valean, and threatens him in her mind for insulting her name. I'd like to see more stuff like that, personally :D ) Getting inside a character's head is part of the fun of reading a comic, all I suggest is when the action settles a bit let the readers get to know the inner workings of the cast a bit. So far everyone but Irenina is a little bit of a mystery...but then again, the fun part of mystery is eventually finding out right?
Not that I know what you have planned out for the rest of the story, but I also think making it awkward for Irenina to keep the illusion that she's a boy more apparent. There's a lot of opportunity for her to slip up and get people suspicious of her, so far she's pulling off the male thing rather well save for the one instance where she realizes her name may give her away...I think there needs to be more of that sort of thing :D (it could be fuinny too, I'm sure)
Most of the dialogue understandable though it is rather apparent there is a different grasp on the English, which I cannot complain about if you do not speak it well. It seems tense mixups are a bit of a problem, I've noticed the word "gave" used in the wrong tense a few times, which clued me in that maybe it isn't your first language. Gave would be past tense, "give: would be the proper tense for this page "Then why would I give it back to you". Again, can't give you trouble about that, I know I've said some things oddly in other languages :D But I did notice you used the word "affected" properly where people that do speak english would have used "effected" (improperly) and I dunno why that stood out to me, but I gotta give you credit for it ^_^

What I would suggest is getting a proofreader or editor, to go over dialogue before you post it on the site. Heck, I'd even do it if you wanted! I'd love to help out, I enjoyed the story so far.
I wonder how long Karan/Irenina can keep the ruse without blowing her cover, and if she'll ever be reunited with her brother.

So all in all, not bad! I'm having a little trouble seperating the supporting character's personalities but I'm very sure you can overcome this, the art is far above a LOT of web-manga I've seen around, and you definitely have the ambition to make this into a great webcomic. Don't give up, keep drawing and most of all, have fun!

Amelius you are wonderful please review more often.

thank you so much amelius for the review =D, i've already asked a friend for help with the script =D he is willing to prove read for me ;___; I am planning to make this a long serie, one book is consist of 4 or 5 chapters depended on the length, and i am planning to make at least 4-5 books O_o. While drawing this I can practice on stuff like anatomy and perspectives, i hope by the end of this i can make a high quality manga >.< Thanks alot for taking your time to read my manga =D I'll remember your wonderful suggestions ^^