Ah... There's nothin' like the hot winds of hell blowin' in your face.




Human City

Art: There is some talent here, but almost every aspect of it has a "not quite there yet" element to it as well. There needs to be more work on symmetry, anatomy, facial construction and prespective. Now you do have a great sense of cinematography and detail, but you tend to lose sight of the forest for the trees quite often. I'd seriously recommend reallocating some of the time you spend drawing wrinkles on hands to making sure the prespective from the finger to the thumb is proper. Also, keep in mind that the further away from the camera an obeject is the less small details we would see in real life. by including so many tiny blemishes on something that is pretty far away, or should be justifiably in shadow, you're losing sight of the basic emotion that you want your characters to be conveying. http://www.drunkduck.com/Human_City/index.php?p=339675 This comic is a great example of too much detail in the wrong places. It seperates it from professional quality work. Also, look at all the wrinkles in his shirt in the last panel. In real life clothes aren't that wrinkley, so it stikes the brain as looking unnatural. Really this problem presists with cloth throughout, but the last panel is a great example of it. Shadow is another problem. Where is your lightsource in the first panel of this page? If you look at parts of the page it looks like its coming from the lower right. If you look at other parts it looks like it's coming from right above him. And if you look at other parts it looks like it's coming from the camera. How are you doing your shading? It looks like you're using markers. It does add depth to the work, and it gives a noir feeling water-stained shadow element, but I think it looks amatuer, because the inking is still rough and the already exists the problem of too much detail and some larger issues of symmetry and prespective that I mentioned earlier. I don't wanna say back off in it, but maybe just reevaluate your priorities, back up in the detail and the coloring and work on some of the more primary things like character models, prespective and use of light and shadow. You definately have talent, and know what you want to do, it just seems that you're not always going about it the correct way.

Production: The font you used is ok, I guess. I could imagine a more appropriate font for your story, but this one works. Your text bubble strangle your words alot though, you should open them up a little. They shouldn't shrink wrap your text. I breeched this in the previous page too, but it looks like you're using pencil and ink and marker. You should really settle on a maximum of two of these.

Writing: I'm eager to see this develop some more. But thats not to say there aren't problems with the writing. So far the plot seems focused around making the reader hate these ammoral super-mercenaries. You describe them as bullies in your summary, and I think you did a great job of getting that point across. But, by the same token, they're not really very good at being bullies. I mean, a bunch of regular dudes totally took out two of them, and they didn't even have guns or anything. Batman would tear these supers apart. Theres also a problem of some things occuring as cliche, or unrealisticly. For example, when he gets his arm ripped off... I might've been able to buy it if you hadn't showed it in gruesome detail, but because you did my first thought looking at the page was "his arm wouldn't have ripped like that. Structural ingegritey of the bone dictates it would tear at a joint. Most likely the shoulder, but I would've bought elbow had you done it there. Theres a certain level of suspension of disbelief that a reader will accept. I'll accept that he somehow survived having his arm torn off without major brain damage from the bloodloss. I 'll call it a miracle or artistic liscence or something. But ripping his arm there is akin to shooting out a car's headlight and then just having it exlpode. It doesn't make sense. Theres some blatant cliche foreshadowing going on as well, which is really a problem that comes from bad television. Having a character complain about something taking too long and then repurcussions for it taking too long. Saying "she kissed me like it was the last time" and then having it be the last time they kiss. These are pulp devices that the average reader sees a mile away. Its hard to build suspense when you are constantly forcasting what's going to happen. Foreshadowing should only be for major events and it should be so subtle that the reader doesn't notice it till after the fact. Also, having the characters act in such a hyper dramatic fashion saying things like "I can't believe he's dead" and "I realize that it's now or never" is false. These statements don't reflect anything about the character, or how he/she deals with extreme situations. Its the difference between characters who seem like real people and characters that feel fictional. Your characters should be driving your storyline, not the otherway around. Your concept is good, but your execuection is lacking. Starting the comic at a dramatic scene is tricky. The reader doesn't know or care about any of the characters yet. You do a good job of getting the reader to hate the supers right off the bat, but you don't nessecarily get us to empathize with the criminals. Instead of the narrator spounting cliches throughout the first attack you could've had flashbacks to them preparing for their heist. Instead of having one character bitching about it taking too long you could've flashed back to the same character being reluctant to even do it because of the possible super backlash. Instead of having the narrator say she kissed me like it was for the last time, you could've had them fighting about where their relationship was heading. Instead of having the characters wax poetic about how they'd never leave tim behind you could've flashed back to an event that showed just how tightly knit the group was, and just how important tim was to them. We really don't know anything about the protagonists, even if we like them. We just know we don't like the antagonists.

Final Word: This comic really has potential, but the author needs to figure out exactly how he wants to tell the story. Right now the art is half gritty noir, half realistic, and not always fully planned out, but conceptually it's moving in the right direction. The story is a little rushed and under developed, but again, conceptually it has alot of potential and is taking things in an interesting direction. My recommendation would be to plan things out a little more, not nessecarily the plot, but what you want to convey to your reader about your characters, and then to try not to be to over-the-top about it. And also to simplify your art some, which will deemphazie the grittiness a little, and bring more empasis to the emotion

I can't believe a comic like this has been sitting so long without more reviews. I know everyone's time starved, but this is a "WTF" moment!

Review Format: Four categories (Writing, Artwork, Style, Overall) without numerical values. Instead of numbers, I'll be presenting what I believe are the strengths and weaknesses (if applicable) within that category.

Writing

The comic is dark and gritty without clear definitions for good and evil, which means not everyone will enjoy it. Gavin has a clear idea of where he's going with the story. It's far too early in the comic to really determine character development, motivations and so forth -- this is a comic that should come up again for review in another 25 pages or so, to see how its grown. The only weak point I've found in the writing is that Patrick seems to accept his father a little too quickly considering that his minions murdered his girlfriend in front of him. Granted, he doesn't have a choice in that point of the story but at the same time him begrudgingly accepting his father's help would be more appropriate than an embrace. We haven't seen any evidence that Patrick is very good at manipulation so it doesn't seem like a front. The story itself does an excellent job of grabbing your attention and laying down the setting in short order, with is perfect for any comic that's just starting out. There are a few clichés here and there, but the twist on the genre (The Supers being part of an establishment with little to no value for human life) far overshadows it and keeps the story entertaining.

Strengths
- Good use of forward-backward spanning for the story
- Quickly and effectively establishes setting and feel
- Grabs the reader's attention and holds it fast

Weaknesses
- A few clichés and occasional leaps in character, but until more of the story unfolds it's too early to pass judgement on that.


Artwork

I think the greyscale and the linework definately match the story. The characters are given more human designs -- they're not chiseled, and they're not the 'beautiful people' you see in mainstream comics. It's gritty and grey, much like the story. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that while the artwork strikes me as not the most 'professional', I'm also going to say that it works. There's a few weaker points in character expressions that are not quite right, and a few times the anatomy just looks a bit off, but for the most part the natural imperfections actually lend more to the story. It makes it more 'human', honestly, and it works in a similar way that Gnoph's other-wordly style works.

Strengths
- Greyscale, organic and gritty-looking fit naturally with the story-telling
- Good use of shading
- Dynamic 'angels'

Weaknesses
- Occasionally the anatomy is a bit off


Style

Dark and gritty, simply put. Despite not having colour there's no black or white in this comic. The art and writing blend together, matching each other perfectly. Where some comics benefit from clean, sharp lines, attributes like that would HURT this comic; the lines have to be blurred, murky, or rough -- just like the story.


Overall

This is not a comic for everyone. However, anyone tired of the standard 'good vs. evil' theme, the bright and shiny colours and the plastic people, will be entertained by this number. I haven't personally decided if I want to follow it only because I'm not a big fan of dark stories. At the same time, the story has interested me and I want to find out more. The acid test: Did I keep reading because I needed to for the review, or because I wanted to? I kept reading because I wanted to and I was dissapointed when I got caught up because I wasn't satisified. Good job!

Plot:
This story has some very unique qualities. I am for some reason reminded of Robocop, but with psychic powers involved. there have been twists and turns in the story, but it stays pretty consistent with what the writer is trying to convey. I find it kinda hard to keep track of character names and who they belong to. for instance I found myself confused with who got hit with a brick.

Art:
Great traditional black and white ink mediums drawn in a gritty semi-realistic style. The characters are proportioned not like humans, but more like liquid caricatures of reality. Proportions are decent but not perfect. Line quality is rough and natural; you can tell it was drawn by a human hand. the artist claims he uses photoshop, but very sparingly to do certian effects he doesn't know how to or forgot how to do traditionally.

Writing:
I have no complaints about the writing. It has been found to be a rather good choice of font. The balloon placement is a bit strenuous, and in some places needs to be cleaned up. for example, on the most recent page there is places where the balloons should be on top of the panel than on the bottom to allow freedom of reading, and to remove some confusion. Also, The "Right hand man" bit made me laugh.

Awe factor:
Being that I am a fan of Cyberpunk stories and cybernetic Sci-fi, I find this comic can truly have a fan base that can be sucked into this world of corrupted superpowers and futuristic-heart pounding action. this comic is not for everybody. It's for those that like to see people beat the crap out of eachother with super powers and futuristic technology. But this comic also displayed human emotion with parts of romantic and other types of raw drama.

Conclusion:
From what I have read so far this is a dark, gory, foreboding tale of oppressors versus the oppressed, which is a tale as old as humanity itself. We find our protagonist, Patrick has become a living casualty of this Human City. We can only guess how he will survive this harsh world of super cops that can blow your head off with a thought. The artist can only improve and as this story progresses, I am sure he will.

Wow, I have to say that I'm really impressed here and I want to read more! Your skills at storytelling are fantastic. Many people don't realize that storytelling skills are just as important as plot and art in a comic...but you obviously do. The pace is excellent and you produce a large amount of tension that keeps the reader wanting more, I know I do! You have a rare ability to pull the reader into the story and make them feel what the characters are feeling. Keep striving for that and see if you can even make the reader feel the characters more.

Now that I hopefully made you feel happy, its time to bring your confidence down a bit by talking about what I thought your biggest flaw was. I think the only thing that's pulling your comic down is your art. However, you do seem to have a really good grasp at anatomy and it looks like you just need about another year's worth of practice and study to achieve a more professional grade art work. Although now that I think about it, its not your lack of skill in drawing that is making the comic suffer, because you are obviously talented. Rather what I think is giving your comic the amateurish feel is because the pages aren't "finished." I bet if you or had someone else ink and color these you could get away will selling this comic in a comic shop!

Next, the plot. The general story as I take it is this; Human City's police department has gone corrupt in its bloated power to the point where these super cops are severely punishing even the pettiest of criminals and the PD heads have a god complex that gives them the right to give and take life at a whim. The protagonist, Pat is a ex-criminal that has no love for his city but has strong morals that values friendship, love and loyalty. The antagonist, his father uses those morals against is son but holding Pat's friend Tim as hostage so that Pat must do as his father says.
Evaluation; While I think the father-son/evil-good polarity is a bit cheesy, all in all I think that its a good story line. Stories in which the supers are the tyrants are few and a nice contrast to the usual superhero. I like that the characters are realistic and their motivations are clear. I also like how the story starts with the injustice of Human City's justice system and how it thusly destroys the antagonist's world.

Ok before I go I just have to express this one thing because it bugs me. The name "Human City" is just plain dumb in my opinion. I don't think that it is the least bit realistic that any city, even in the farthest reaches of space and occupied by aliens, would be called Human city. Why not take a real city's nickname and create a city out of that. For example, NYC is known as the Big Apple, you could name your city Apple city or find out how other cities were names and use that to name your fictitious city. But "Human City?" That's just redundant!

My rating of the comic-4.5 out of 5
-finish the pages
-rename the city
-storytelling and plot are great
-base art work is great

Hey Onyxrose! Nice to see another reviewer for this worthy comic!

Onyxrose
But "Human City?" That's just redundant!

Just have to disagree with you there. I think it's called "Human City" because of the presence of SUPER-HUMAN entities who ruthlessly lord over it. I think it hints that the super-human beings do not belong in a human city.

smkinoshita

Onyxrose
But "Human City?" That's just redundant!

Just have to disagree with you there. I think it's called "Human City" because of the presence of SUPER-HUMAN entities who ruthlessly lord over it. I think it hints that the super-human beings do not belong in a human city.

I concede by your logic that Human City can be a valid title of the comic. However, the fact is that the city itself is called Human City (see page 2 first panel) which is what I think is redundant and unrealistic.

To me a city called Human that is inhabited and run by humans, super-powered or otherwise, is like the smurfs living in smurf village. We all remember how smurfs use the word "smurf" in every sentence and name all their creations using the root word smurf. Well humans aren't like that, we don't ride human-cycles, we ride bicycles, and we don't use a human-phone, we use a telephone and we definitely don't say, "That's human-tastic, Poppa Human!" So it is safe to say that while yes it is a human city, we wouldn't call it human city.

WHOA! Hey guys. I didn't even know this was up here. I have been working on other things and basically just trying to better myself before I head off to Kubert school in the next few months, and decided to check up on my comic.

I realized from a comment by smkinoshita that this was up so I thought I'd come by and say thanks for all the reviews, positive or negative. I like the feedback, no matter what it is.

Anyways... I have 2 pages of chapter 3 inked and will be starting it up again after I finish these last 2 pages of my minicomic. When I come back I may have somebody digitally greyscaling it for me. But I don't know. We'll see.

Thanks a lot guys!

Onyxrose
To me a city called Human that is inhabited and run by humans, super-powered or otherwise, is like the smurfs living in smurf village. We all remember how smurfs use the word "smurf" in every sentence and name all their creations using the root word smurf. Well humans aren't like that, we don't ride human-cycles, we ride bicycles, and we don't use a human-phone, we use a telephone and we definitely don't say, "That's human-tastic, Poppa Human!" So it is safe to say that while yes it is a human city, we wouldn't call it human city.

Hee hee hee! You got me there, and you illustrated it in a way that is hilarious. I love "Human-tastic, Poppa Human!" That's just... liquid awesome. Or Human-arious! :D

as far as the name "Human City" goes... there's nothing much to it. It was a band name though up while my former bandmates and i watched a bunch of Zombie movies. There's always the "human city" in zombie movies. After the band broke up.. I just recycled it.

Nothing special about it. IT'S NOT IMPORTANT TO THE STORY! I PROMISE YOU.

The Art - 8/10

It's marvelously detailed, and I find myself staring at the anatomy--the muscles, hands, and things akin to them--for a while, amazed at how wonderfully they're drawn. However, at times the lines are very sketchy, and although pretty good, the faces need more work. But on the brightside--BACKGROUNDS! Not very common in dd webcomics, I'm afraid.

The characters - 7/10

Pretty solid characters for how many pages there are, but relationships are over pretty fast (in that the only lover is killed, before we really know her and their past). The villains are just that, and the main character is not quite fleshed out yet. I have high hopes that he will end up being a likable character with a lot going on.

The story - 7/10

I like the setting, but I'm a little unsure of the plot, mainly because not much has happened, and there are very little explinations. Despite this, I think it's a sort of plot that you don't need to aborb into much... I may be proven wrong. ;)

Overall - 7.5/10

Pros: A lot of potiential. Interesting start, good narration, cool setting. The art is really good, too, and very detailed.

Cons: Can't really connect with characters (and little to no information about them so far), needs to work on certain areas of the art, a story with little to offer so far.

I found the comic by chance. But once I read the third page I was hook. I have to admit that I didn't see the Superhero twist coming. The narration was so down to earth and the art in a grayish pencil style. With a very realist line in a some what irrealistic atmosphere.

But once the "Super Cops" apparenred the thing stayed cool. The fights were very realistic and I personally loved the detailed of the guy throwing a cement block to the Super hero.

Overall it looks good. Is a Super hero story but from a realistic point of view of would be "crimminals". Stealing not the ultimate riches, nor a special artifact from a City Museum, but stealing to bribe a Electric company guy.

Excellent comic.

I follow it like all the others I follow in Drunkduck.

Juan

Think it is an interesting read. There is a really good assortment of panels and layouts. Some of them downright interesting to look at. The art has its own feel, that feels right for the comic. Maybe a few glitches here and there, but nothing that will distract from the story.