Here we go!
http://www.drunkduck.com/Green_Rain/

Okay, I'll go first. This review will be fairly limited, because the story is really not my cup of tea, and I want to be fair to the artist.

Art- I probably looked at two dozen panels before I figured out what was bothering me about the grayscale- THERE'S NO BLACK! The darkest lines are only dark gray. The only black is in computer-generated text. Black would bring out an enormous amount of contrast. Without it, everything turns into a bit of a mish-mash. It all blends together. Black gives the eye something to focus upon. For example, in number 57, it's hard to tell where one person stops and the next starts. Black lines would help. Further, because the only black is the text, you really have to tear your eyes away from the words to look at the pictures, instead of the other way around.

Movement is mostly understated. For example, in number 42, last panel, the character delivering the "smack" has an arm moving, but the body remains straight ahead. Add more movement, hell, EXAGGERATE movement, it's a cartoon.

Writing- spell check. please spell check. I missed having an editorial cartoon published in the Indianapolis Star because I misspelled Alberto Gonzales with a "z" instead of an "s" at the end. Spelling matters.

I found the writing early on to be very herky-jerky, as if the artist was in such a hurry to move on with the story that she was taking shortcuts. Characters were introduced, but not explored. The single panels with character bios work as introduction short-cuts, but they can't make anybody CARE about the character, whether they are to love her or fear her. Think, instead, about how (and in how many individual cartoons) you would introduce your character WITHOUT that crutch, and I think you will see what I'm talking about.

I read through this comic shortly before it was put up. The whole fiasco with the links not working drew my attention to it.

The story needs more time to develop. I still don't feel like I know the characters, or what the main story is, or even what's going on. I know, though, that it's possible this story is still at the "beginning" and is still working it's way to a plot. If the rest of the comic goes like the beginning, however, it'll be very confusing.

As someone pointed out, the characters need to be given more depth. Angel honestly seems to keep shifting in personality depending on what the situation calls for. On one hand, he's the hero, in control. On the other, he flips out, loses complete control of his feelings, and attacks the girl he was melting for after she licked his cheek earlier. Jackie also seems to lose her power. If she really is just pretending to be weak, WHY? I never saw motivation for that.

The art has a solid foundation, and is improving since it started. It's a little soft, and color would help with the scenes with magic being used, especially to avoid having to explain to the audience stuff like, "The fire's turned green!" But, of course, it's a black-and-white comic to begin with, so that's more of an option, not a complaint. :)

Overall, it's a cute story, but feels kinda detached. It's hard to identify with the characters, or their tragedies. All I really know of Angel is that he has rotten luck, is easily taken advantage of, and has a girlfriend. All I know of Jackie is, she's tough sometimes, and weak others, and oh yeah, Angel's girlfriend. Motives seem to be hidden a lot. Overall, it's not bad, but could stand to be tweaked.

First of all: PLEASE CHANGE THE BLOODY BACKGROUND! It overpowers EVERYTHING, the strip, the comments, EVERYTHING.

The story is meandering & confusing. I'm surprised after so many pages I don't have a solid grasp of character. As stated earlier, the 2 main characters seem molded by the needs of the plot (or whatever attempt at humor there is), as opposed to feeling like real beings. IMO, if you can see the writer manipulating the plot & the characters (as opposed to reading a story *about* the characters' lives), the story has some serious problems. In the case of Green Rain, I can see the writer in every page. I would suggest letting the story unfold & to stay focused. Give the readers credit for being smart enough to follow the story & the jokes. The writer is working too hard to explain everything.

The dialogue is stilted & unnatural. The characters do not have their own cadence or sense of individuality, as the way they speak morphs from situation to situation. The word balloons are VERy distacting, as is the choice of font for the dialogue, because the solid B&W stands out against the soft approach to the art.

The art is standard cute manga cliche. It's fairly well drawn, but doesn't feel terribly original. The storytelling is really rough. Very often my eye was led willy-nilly around the page with no apparent forethought in the design. The artist needs to spend more time planning out the page so that they are easier to follow and understand.

I appreciate the dedication the creator is showing by producing so consistantly, & suspect that time will help them work out alot of these issues. But the writing, art, & storytelling needs alot of work to bring any cohesion to the *this* book.

Later,
Chip

Let's see... I don't think it was that bad. I've read worse comics.

Story:
Basically the story was about Angel and his girlfriend's search for the Heaven's Eye a jewel that can cure any sickness. Angel mostly wants to find it so he can heal his sister than go on his merry way with Jackie his girlfriend. He finds the jewel only after his sister dies and then goes crazy(which was kinda a neat twist of fate). There is also this angel called Midori which some people think is a murderer. Than there's this Sage demon lady that tricks Angel into giving her the jewel.

The issue with this story is mostly the lack of visual explaining. The first page when we meet Angel he says all in one bubble I have to save my sister with a jewel that can cure anything. Whoa WHOA there. Are these jewels common in this world? Ok in a later part it did say they come from a Goddess.. but a lot of these things maybe should be explained in the beginning like a narration of what's what in the world of Green Rain. If you need an example check out the beginning of One Questian and Hurrocks Fadel.

I'd also like to know what Midori has to do directly with Angel's plot. She was just kinda there in the beginning then suddenly we're with Angel and Jackie. There should be some kind of transition between them... like Midori's out to fight evil in the hearts of men...and this guy happened to be that man..!

I like it though that Aereis had the guts to kill off Angel's sister. Sick little sisters in stories that don't die are kinda clishe, but her dying and Angel going crazy and killing people... that was cool.

Art:
Aereis improves on the shading and costume designs significantly, but still needs to work on anatomy and what everyone else said.

(Been a long time since I last posted on these forums!)

Righto, well before the review itself I've gotta agree with cs3ink... that background makes things very difficult to read... and it's kinda giving me a headache, like one of those things you have to look at cross-eyed to see the hidden picture. Anyways, on to the review then:

I found the introduction to the characters (Angel and Jackie) to be fairly straight-forward... got the personality traits that were trying to be conveyed there... but it did seem as if the reader has just been dropped into the middle of the story. Felt like I'd missed something there. The story itself is easy enough to follow though.

On a side note, gotta say that Angel's father looks a tad old for 50... unless he's just had a really rough life.

The twist that everyone has mentioned was a nice touch, wouldn't have expected it if I hadn't read the other reviews. Having the jewel right there in the tree was a bit of a kick in the nads for the character though.

The various action scenes were pretty decent, and the background designs do the job of setting scenes up... it's nice to know where things are going down. I reckon for the most part the artist needs to focus on improving anatomy... especially in a story-driven comic that relies heavily on visual representation (unlike, for example, the comics found in newspapers i.e. Garfield, Hagar the Horrible etc.)

Make use of references such as pics in magazines, studies on anatomy, and since you've gone for an anime style, look closely at the structure of anime characters... even if they do have more simplified features they still follow fairly basic principles of anatomy. The more you practise while referencing your work, the faster you'll be able to improve how you draw your characters!

All in all, the number of pages on this shows that you're willing to put work into this thing... so keep it up, and don't be afraid of critique, it's one of the most useful tools an artist can make use of!

I thank everyone who commented, though I did find the first few rather discouraging (I didn't know I sucked so much) :P

Aereis,

Simply because others feel you have room for improvement in no way implies you suck, nor does it imply those contrary opinions are right. Hence the word "opinions". You read our words, consider what, if any of it, you agree with, & file the rest away for future consideration (or just pitch it). After all, opinions are like arses, everyone has one.

Your book wasn't my cup of tea, & I do think aspects of your rendering and storytelling need work. But it wouldn't be the first time I was wrong in the last 5 minutes. Check out the work of those who offered their opinions. If you find them to be skillful at what they do you might want to give their comments more weight.

If you want to improve, I would suggest thickening your skin & learning to step back from your work & view it as objectively as possible. The fact you're turning out work puts you miles ahead of 90% of those visiting DD, & means you're more likely to get better at what you're craft.

Keep it up,
Chip

Hi, this officially my very first review in DD. Forgive me in advance if mine may not up to DD's standard. :cry: My review contains minor spoilers. So be warned. :kitty:

Basically, Green Rain is fantasy+adventure comic presented in manga form. It tells the story of Angel, Jacky and their acquittance in Munixa. The main plot for far is about Angel's quest to find a mystical jewel to save Lilith- his sisters life. Alright, here what I think about the comic based on these categories: :whistling:

ART
The author combines several medium in her comic. The shading is done pretty well in pencils & I was very impresses with the single colored comic page. 8D Characters' anatomy could use more work but not critical. Expressions are drawn effectively especially during emotional moments. I noticed that the text can be quite small in the comic balloons but they are improved in the later pages. I also have quite a problem to figure out what exactly is happening during the action scenes. :dizzy:

STORY
I really like the twist as soon as Angel return the jewel to his 'sister'. >:) Another strong point of this comic is the character relationship with one another. Their interactions are enjoyable to read especially Angel's Dad. lol! There are some sweet moments with cute humor too. I'm looking forward to read more. B)

WHAT WOULD I LIKE TO EXPECT
- More colored comic pages.
- Why Angel's name is 'Angel'? Perhaps there's an interesting reason behind his name.
- More depth Angel & Jacky's relationship. ;)

CONCLUSION
Overall, I give Green Rain a 3/5. The story is entertaining with great setting. I hope to see an update for this comic in the near future. :)