Sorry for the wait guys! School and such.

http://www.drunkduck.com/For_Your_Eyes_Only/

Chapter 1 was difficult to get through. The art was shaky and the panels were pretty bad. The second chapter, however, sees a big improvement in both art and panel work, which is good. It allows the reader to enjoy the story--which happens to be very interesting.

My suggestion to the author, I noticed a lot of pages, you would apologize for how terrible it was. Because it happens so often, you should think about planning out your pages before actually drawing them. You wouldn't have to apologize to readers, because that happening on every other page can get annoying.

The neat thing about For Your Eyes Only is possibly the most unintentional. From the start, it's kinda fun to see the comic evolve as the author improves. From the introduction of color, to more defined panels. The comic improves with every page, noticeable in the different between the first page and the last.

The art in Eyes is not bad, yet it's not fantastic. Anime-styled art works for this comic and is done well with the characters being fluid in movement that really give the feel for them. Through the comic, one can infer that April is a bit... out-there and somewhat of a klutz all through her fluid movement. Unlike many manga-styled comic out there in the sea of the Duck, the characters in Eyes are not stiff and are properly defined. As for the backgrounds? A varied kind. Sometimes they're passable, other times they flat out suck, looking weird and perspective-less. Art-wise, the comic is pretty good. With time it'll get better.

The panels? Sometimes they lack planning, other times they are pretty damn good. Like Kelly said, the panels is the first chapter were pretty bad. Sometimes coming off in a scatterbrain sort of way. Later comic pages show much improvement over this and show that some planning went into creating said comic page. Occasionally, Eyes hits a stroke of genius. Case and point? Phoenix. The two pages were well done. Though the set-up, well-written, should have been presented a little bit better.

The story is interesting and really make Eyes a page turner. Although sometimes the poor panel placement is annoying, it never detracts away from the comic. With three chapters in, I'm curious as to what the hell the necklace is and why did it leave it's imprint on April's neck. The color? Later pages fix the problems of the past. The early pages are ridden with the color clashing with the line art while the latter pages are smoother. One thing, try shading. Sometimes it looks too bland.

Overall, I like this comic. It's great and it's fun to see it improve.

I know this is gonna tick off anime and manga fans, but this is yet another anime/manga wanna be web comic.

Artwork

I actually appreciated the rough, pencil-sketch version in the first few pages better over the current updates. I tend to like the sketchy look though, so that's my own personal preference. In the recent updates, there's little shading aside from some gradients, so maybe the "sketch" look gave it some character. Overall, it is another example of anime/manga "wanna-be" -- it attempts to copy the basic style as much as possible. My problem with this is that it simultaneously fails to indicate any sort of personal style, while not actually looking like real anime/manga at the same time. Before anyone starts -- it's not "anime influenced". The 80's versions of GI Joe and Transformers were "anime influenced". Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles were manga/anime influenced. My own character, Skull Girl, is anime influenced http://www.drunkduck.com/Super_Temps/index.php?p=278138 (well... at least her hair) This is trying to copy an existing style.

Advice: Some life drawing is in order. Practise it, although you don't have to immediately incorporate it into the comic, although it will eventually improve your work. Since the style isn't realistic, gradients stand out like a sore thumb, so just some simple shading would bring a lot of life to the art.

Writing

There was a gratuitous lesbian kiss within the second chapter. And I'm bringing down the "gratuitous" judgement call because it popped out of nowhere. Another character shows up, promptly declares love and kisses the protagonist. This might mean more if we had a moment to even know who the other character is. Without knowing who the characters really are deprives it of meaning. It's not the sort of thing that makes a great first impression.

It strikes me as basically borrowing story arcs, ideas, and jokes from various other anime and manga -- just about everything that happens gives me a "I've seen this before elsewhere" feeling.

On the positive side, while it's basically trying to "copy" the conventions of anime and manga stories, it's done with some skill. There's an honest effort to tell a story with flow.

Advice: Instead of putting in things you've read or seen in other comics or shows, put in things you haven't.

Style

This is a new category I've just recently added. What I look for in "Style" is basically your artistic DNA -- a combination of writing, art and conventions that identify the comic as your own. What separates your comic from the others.

This is where For Your Eyes Only really falls flat. Everything, from the character's introduction, to the 'girl's desires', takes, and conventions, have been lifted from anime and manga. This is what makes it fandom as opposed to an original work.

There's just so much fandom I can take before I start to retch.

Conclusion

If you are looking for an original web comic with some fresh material, you won't find it in For Your Eyes Only. If you are not a fan of anime or manga (or have even less positive feelings about it) then you will really want to avoid it. Personally, I didn't think it was the worst, but it's practically textbook "cliché anime fan web comic".

If you are a big fan of light-hearted anime and manga however, you'll probably find something you like in it eventually.

Wow, that last guy really tore into me. Oh well, that's what this comic is for.

The first two guys mentioned that I should probably start thumbnailing my pages rather than just spinning them out. I started this practice recently, and I guess I should keep it up more. I just have a bad habit of wanting to finish a doodle once I start it.

Also, I've been considering doing some shading, and the consensus is that I should start. Sounds good, too.

I'm also working on life drawing and recently bought some artistic models to help me. You will probably see the improvement in a week or so.

smkinoshita, I guess this just wasn't your kind of story. Most of your comments seemed to target the content of the story, qualities I was actually trying to emphasize and considered some of the comic's strong points. I guess you can call me a "wannabe" and say I tried to copy the basic style without pegging a specific one. That's sort of the idea I was going for, you hit the nail on the head if you say I want to draw in a manga-style. This comic is for practice and I am using it to iron out what my own style really is. I just like the manga style.

As for the random kiss and the borrowing of other anime and manga ideas, that was the idea. This comic is a farce of anime and manga stereotypes while simultaneously having a coherent plot (Sort of a Mel-brooksian style insanity). I'm poking fun at the cliches, like the Witchblade segment.

I'd say your choice of audience is pretty dead on and I'm targeting a bit of a niche market with my humor.

As a response to smk -- yes, there really is a problem with a lot of authors nowadays who simply copy what they see in manga and don't put in a little of their own style when they do it. I can't tell you how many Drunkduck titles I've read here, where the same "character looking down with shadow over their eyes" shot is drawn, over and over again, when the author probably has no clue what that kind of panel is used for.

Kohdok, I really do wish you luck, and I hope you continue working on your story. You do seem to have a good knack for writing, and it's worth developing.

KellyMarie
As a response to smk -- yes, there really is a problem with a lot of authors nowadays who simply copy what they see in manga and don't put in a little of their own style when they do it. I can't tell you how many Drunkduck titles I've read here, where the same "character looking down with shadow over their eyes" shot is drawn, over and over again, when the author probably has no clue what that kind of panel is used for.

Kohdok, I really do wish you luck, and I hope you continue working on your story. You do seem to have a good knack for writing, and it's worth developing.

Oh dear, I sure HOPE I have a little originality in there. I mean, as for textbook, my comic doesn't have ninjas, Japanese names or speech, card games, creatures, the standard angry-girl/wimpy-guy relationship, a plethora of people with magical powers or exceptional martial artists. Typically if I copy a concept from elsewhere, I make it as audacious as I can so people hopefully get that it's a joke and not something I tried to pass off as original (Like when April rattles off the things that DIDN'T happen after the necklace went off, each of which comes from a cliche.)

Kohdok
Wow, that last guy really tore into me. Oh well, that's what this comic is for.

I don't mean to be mean, so to speak, but that was my gut reaction after going through the first batch o' pages.

Kohdok
As for the random kiss and the borrowing of other anime and manga ideas, that was the idea. This comic is a farce of anime and manga stereotypes while simultaneously having a coherent plot (Sort of a Mel-brooksian style insanity). I'm poking fun at the cliches, like the Witchblade segment.

To be perfectly honest, I'm not good at picking up that sort of thing. I guess it has more to do with seeing so many web comics that take the stereotypes and treat them seriously, then lash out at the first person who criticizes them. The fact that you didn't immediately spaz on me is a great sign. Not too many people can take criticism well, but you're obviously a cut above the rest and I applaud you for that.

I'm with Kelly Marie -- I also wish ya the best. I'll also have to show your comic to my brother who's pretty good at picking up on that sort of thing (as well as being top-notch artist) and see what he thinks. He's also fond of an anime that makes fun of the conventions of anime (which I didn't think much of) so he might be able to add counter-point to my review as well.

smkinoshita

Kohdok
Wow, that last guy really tore into me. Oh well, that's what this comic is for.

I don't mean to be mean, so to speak, but that was my gut reaction after going through the first batch o' pages.

Like I said, it's cool. This comic is for me to practice and improve so I actually wanted someone to tear into it. I have a lot of hopes wrapped up in this comic, but fame isn't one of them. I still plan on taking a lot of your advice, particularly with the shading and life drawing. Monday's page should show a difference, so feel free to look.

Hmm... I see in previous reviews it has been complained that your paneling is hard to follow... I personally did not find that to be the case at all O.o maybe it is because I am also a fan of anime and manga.

I'd say the the story is yes, VERY cliched but it seems that you wanted it that way. I would say that it's decently interesting. I really liked the beginning where she's snooping around the attic as I, myself, would love to have had an attic full of 'grandma's old goodies' to snoop around in. That beginning scene is definitely what really kept me going on reading it and that's very good- having an interesting first few pages. Maybe it's because I went in thinking "the author meant for this to be a parody" so it kept me reading on through the rest of the comic. I'd say that it seemed to get less interesting as it went on but that's not to say that it became completely boring either!

The artwork I see some improvements. It seems that you've done about the same thing I did... line art for the first bunch of pages and then it gets into the more polished works. The problem I see in the artwork is that it is flat- there is no shadow. I think that adding light and shadow is more important than adding colour, that is only a personal opinion though. Your proportions aren't very good, and as suggested before, looking at life drawing is good, but to be honest, what REALLY helped ME with proportions is actually looking at myself in the mirror... where my elbow is in relation to my waist, how far my fingers go down my thighs (did you know that the length of your arms spread eagle is also your height? that's why the famous da vinci sketch of man in a circle and square work) I'm glad to see that you are looking at life drawing. I found that the little wooden models weren't helpful at all... if I wanted a pose I'd just look at myself in the mirror... or just do it and figure what it looks like from the front, get another person to model for you etc. I think page 14 of chapter 1 had the best proportions out of your earlier pages.

hope this was helpful ^-^

I really like the build-up of the main character, April, in the very start. I think it is important to see what kind of person she is from just a mundane (until a necklace bonded with her at least) everyday thing like cleaning the attic. It allows the reader to get to know the character a bit without the worry of understanding the "rules" of the comic's world.

The art is up and down for me (being that I am a writer and can draw a mean stick figure I feel bad for saying this) one thing I think you should work on is some of your perspectives. Also, I would say try to add a bit of detail to the backgrounds, it will really bring your comic more life!

Your panel layouts are fine, I wouldn't worry about them at all. I had no problem following the flow of your comic in the slightest. While a lot of classic Japanese manga is in black and white, I really like the use of color in your comic. But again, I cannot stress how much some background details would help to make your comic feel more alive.

Just keep plugging away at it and I sure you will come up with a great story!

Ahh my post was deleted before I could summit it!!
run down again

What worked:
-Necklace Problem. Never seen that problem in any manga or anime thus I think it's original.

Doesn't work:
-The girl kiss girl. I've seen it before...it's popular for some readers but sigh... You don't have to make that the main plot or I hope you don't... Unless you got a great idea I think you can play with it but not go there.