Yep!

http://www.drunkduck.com/Emma/

Okay, here goes. First, WOW! The artist is incredibly prolific, and has been at this for at least a year and a half. Big points just for that.

Dedication/Continuity- 5/5

Alright, I know this was reviewed in the past, so I'm going to dip into the beginning just for comparison's sake, then jump forward to 2007.

Jaunary, 2006, Introduction- Hey, I'm a sucker for black and white. Was this done with a computer, with Duo-Shade, or something else? Very professional looking, that's for sure.

Colored pencil on day 3. Usually, I hate it, but darned this artist is good. She makes it work. The books in the background STAY in the background, with less shading and less detail than the girl in the foreground. Very nice.

Back to B&W on day 4, and I can see she's using computer-patterns. Again, GREAT separation of foreground from background.

Okay, on to 2007

January 1, 2007, number 138. I've not followed the story, having skipped so much, so let me comment on the art. Color now, clearly computer not hand-inked. Unfortunately, everything is colored in the same way, and the artist loses the great depth, foreground/background she had with earlier styles. Just for comparisons sake, look at this one, then bounce back to #3 and #4. See how less detail, color, shading dropped the background back, and gave three dimensions? Perhaps less vibrant shading, or thinner pen lines, or both, for the background. Make the characters and what they're doing POP!

Number 139- here's a good example of what I mean by needing depth. Look at panel 2, the guy is in the foreground, but how far? If the outline lines were thicker for him, or the books were more faded, or both, he would stand out more. Also, this is the first time I've seen the artist fall back on generic-Manga, in the silhouettes in the bottom panel. Look at the girl's face- does that work? Why the mouth on the side? Eyes too far back, nose to far out, mouth starting too far out, mouth on the side- pretty generic-Manga, and FAR below the talents of this artist. Of course, she just finished a long trip to England, so all is forgiven.

Number 140- toggle back and forth between the last panel of 139 and the first of 140. Are these the same girl, with the same nose? The girl in 139 is practically Cyrano's daughter. The girl at the top of 140, not so much. The silhoutte here, by the way, is MUCH better. Getting over the jet lag?

Number 141- Okay, I'm starting to pay attention to the story. I am most impressed with the tremendous patience shown by the artist. Too many want to jump to the punch. I feel like this one is taking its time setting things up, while not getting distracted. So now I'm a fan of the art AND the writing.

Number 142- Emma's hair keeps changing length. Compare 141 and 142. Oh, I see you caught that in your own comments. I'll shut up now and skip a month or two.

Number 143- I should have skipped, because I hate that side-mouth thing so many cartoonists here do to only negative effect. The art is good, shading great, nice touch showing just a touch of skin around the waist, then BAM! side-mouth distraction. Nobody looks like that. Instead of having an effect it distracts from otherwise terrific work.

Okay, now I'm skipping, really.

Number 170- hey, what did you do? skip forward in time and read this review? Look at the thin faded line in the corner of panel 1 and see how it fades into the background? Great job of listening to what I was going to say 8 months later. That, or you did it yourself, but I prefer to take credit through a bending of the space-time continuum. This whole page is really well drawn and a pleasure to view.

Number 171- another pretty page. And again, tremendous patience. sometimes it really is okay for nothing spectacular to happen. others could learn from you.

::jump::

Number 198- you've lost your depth again- foreground and background same color intensity and line width. look back at 170 to compare. The art is still technically very good, but two dimensional.

Number 199- other than the depth thing, very nice looking page. For some reason I'm really impressed by the shirt- it's cartoony and very real at the same time.

Number 200 (!!)- I have to gong you with the same depth comment. The last panel is just a mish-mash, too busy, because it all comes up front. Otherwise, very good. And I love the story-telling technique- plenty of patience, time to tell, with hesitation like real people.

Number 201- Okay, you got me. I'm not even a fan of this sort of story, but I want to know what comes next.

Conclusions- terrific artist, with one overarching depth issue that is very easily correct. It comes from the line size and computer coloring, but she has clearly shown she knows how to do it when she wants to. Really, if that's my only big gripe (the little gripe is side-mouths), I'm nit-picking because it's otherwise so good. The writing is also terrific, well-paced interesting and, well, real. Thank you. Great stuff.

Argh. I do these things to get better, but I always end up feeling inadequate!

Story:
It's a fairly straightforward and realistic story with a good amount of clarity at what is happening. A lot of it relies on happy (Or unhappy) coincidence, however, which got me a little bit. There are enough mysteries to keep someone interested in reading it. The flow of the story is a tad slow in a few places, and I find myself skimming through page after page in rapid succession, something that might make subsequent pages a little less satisfying.

Still, the important thing is I can tell what's going on, who everybody is, and how they're feeling, so excellent job on those points, if a bit reliant on coincidence.

Technical Construction:

Your artwork is fairly good, and unlike the previous reviewer, I don't count off for side-mouths (Seeing as I use them, myself). You have good shading and a high consistency of color and detail, making the characters easy to tell apart. I'm gonna have to second the perspective issues a bit, though. (Don't worry, I'm bad at them, too) They look like you're trying to make it too deep with the backgrounds at too-high an angle to match the shot; that's why they look so off, sometimes. Lowering the intensity of the background color might help make the pages look less busy. Your panel outlines are straight and visible, if somewhat inconsistent in size, and your letters don't collide with the outlines your speech bubbles, which is a very, very good thing.

All in all, I'd say you are headed in the right direction with what you are doing, you just need to improve on your angles a little bit and rely a little less on coincidence to tell your story.

I'd never read "Emma" before, so this will be a review of the whole book. Probably treading old ground at this point, but hopefully there will be some useful bits in there as well.

-------


Dave Sim (OMG, I'm starting a review of a book starring a female main character with a Dave Sim quote; irony of ironies) has a quote somewhere that he, in turn, lifted from someone farther up in the echelon of cartooning. I'm not going to get it exactly right, but it runs along the lines of "Every cartoonist has 1000 bad pages in them, so it's best to get through them right at the start."

Obviously every artist has a few more or less 'bad pages' stored up inside. And while it's pretty nasty to use an unsubstantiated pejorative in describing another's work (despite the overwhelming tendency of this particular work's author to do it about herself), I can definitely tell you that there was a point during "Emma" where I realized I had switched to reading her story because of the art, instead of in spite of it. Checking back, I can say with a certain degree of confidence that this happened somewhere after page 113, and before page 130. In a world where other cartoonists have 1000 pages before they get warmed up, 120 or so ain't a bad deal at all.

Although "Emma" advances itself in color quality in a very obvious way, I think the real 'workhorse' of its most superior pages are the inks. While cautious, thin and uniform in the early pages, later chapters of the book show a great variety of line and more importantly, a true confidence in how they are laid down. That's what makes these pages work, period. They help define the characters (who are also continually becoming more differentiated), as well as the layouts(which got good for their simplicity, instead of just being simple, around the time that Emma visits her uncle in the early 100's). I think that were this book to return to black and white at this point, the inks would still keep its art afloat.

As when I reviewed "Heaven vs Hell," I have a certain problem knowing what to comment on regarding the story because "Emma" has a very detailed running commentary of its own, written by its author (which I know is almost universal in webcomics, but perhaps not to this extent). From this I've learned exactly what she does and doesn't like about her story, and it's much harder to give an objective review after knowing the author's intent (in every writing workshop I've ever attended, the writer under review is only allowed to speak after every reader has given notes).

Nevertheless...

"Emma" is, at times, a maddeningly slow read. However, it's a maddeningly slow read the way David Lynch is a maddeningly weird director -- if you wanted normality (or in this case, a faster pace), you're in the wrong theater. But again, the slowest parts (such as a scene in which Emma lies on her bed next to her violin for five or six pages) may also be the product of a time in which the creator was trying to do many pages on a tight schedule. I thought it was key that around page 132 (or so), the author writes that she has done away with her publishing schedule and is also having more fun. As I mentioned earlier, it's here that the art surges forward in quality, and the pages start to pick up in panel count and pacing. I found myself engaged by what I saw as the first "major" event, at the end of Part One, in a very real way, and I won't argue that there was a certain benefit to the enormous shock value of the story taking 150 pages to make it happen. Given a world of infinite possibilities I would encourage seeing if that same kind of buildup could be created in 1/3 of the time, but at this point I'm much more curious about what lies ahead for the characters than worrying about pages that were completed many moons ago.

Which brings me to the current state of the story. Kohdok's remark that it's a story reliant on coincidence is true; but it's a point that I recognized immediately and discarded. "Emma" is, for better or worse, even in it's unconventional format, a product of the "coming of age" genre, the "romantic dramedy" genre, and the "quarter-life crisis" genre, and a number of things must be taken for granted. The characters have an an oversimplified social life for young people living in a big city (even if they have, as they often remind each other, "no other friends," surely they have acquaintances?). This simple world exists, of course, to make the subtle love quadrangles between them more apparent. The same is true of the plot, which indeed relies on coincidence and repetition. This is a story that revolves around character and mood, not plot points. Think of it this way -- do you remember your life in terms of what happened, or how you felt about what happened? The answer is key to understanding how "Emma" works. And while I can't be sure how much of this is intentional and how much is the result of an unconscious absorption of these kinds of stories from popular culture, I do think there is a methodology behind the pacing/story interplay.

The only major way "Emma" breaks from this simplicity is in its understanding of the passage of time. We learn about 200 pages in that Emma has been at her job as a violinist at a restaurant for two months -- as we understand it, around 80 pages. With little to no prior input from the story itself, I would have guessed that the entirety of "Emma" had played out in only a few weeks, given the small number of actual scenes within its massive page count. Aside from rather arbitrary scene breaks, highlighted with chapter titles that use italian dynamic markings (and therefore offer little to no expository information for those who may not have read sheet music since high school marching band), the passage of time between scenes in "Emma" is usually never clear. It is this lack of structure, working in tandem with the story's epic length, that makes "Emma" often a muddy read overall even as its single elements continue to mature. Structure doesn't (and shouldn't) have to translate into plot points, but it would be nice to be reminded more frequently that time passes in a regular way in this story world. Relationships that develop over months are much easier to believe than those that blossom over days or weeks, and "Emma" would do well to be fitted within a timeframe that gave the subtlety of its narrative a metaphorical "sandbox" in which to play. Time and events that passed before the story began have been laid out slowly, but deliberately; I wish the same could be said for the events within the story itself.

It's muddiness at times makes the story feel like a first draft, but there's also a valuable sense of exploration that I truly enjoy. "Emma" has a way of growing on you and I almost want to wait for the story to finally be over (someday, in some far-slung future) before I sit down and complete reading it. I found myself actually annoyed when I reached the last page, saying to myself, "But I was just getting into it!" If you stick with it, "Emma" works, even if it sometimes seems like it shouldn't. With that in mind, I also think that faster pacing and more structural elements can only help this book. Despite some benefits that the slow steadiness of the story has wrought thus far, I think the benefits of a more dynamic book will be that much greater.

Woo! Time for responses, I think.

First of all, thank you very much, all three of you, for your honest opinions. Those are why I like getting reviewed, because I criticize the heck out of my stuff and that usually results in the, "No, no, there's nothing wrong with it" response, which is in one way reassuring, but also quite maddening.

So, dhonig:
The first however many pages were toned in photoshop with tones from...some free website that I don't remember right now... Oh! And, in case you were at all curious, I do believe Emma is just about two years and one month old at this point. I had started putting it up before that huge DD crash.

The England thing (again, just to clarify) was actually a much longer trip than you seem to suspect. I was in London for a good four months and had the the pages that I was uploading over there done beforehand because I knew I wouldn't have access to a scanner. The coloring was done there, but not the art, which accounts for the jump in art that occurs between those pages and the pages I had ready to scan when I got back (which I had all the time in the world to work on).

Your gripes: So, what I'm trying to figure out is if the depth issue is (currently) more of a line width problem or a color saturation problem, or both equally. I understand what you mean, I'm just having a hard time analyzing my art. Any way you can help me out with that? The line width I can fix fairly easy, but if it's much more of a color problem it's going to take much more work to fix. Now I'm watching for it, though!

The side mouth thing I've actually not done for a while, I believe, so it's a non-issue at this point.

(None of that was meant to be argumentative...I'm afraid it's going to come out that way. I very much appreciate your taking the time to review my comic and your review was both thoughtful and helpful. Those were just the points I felt the need to respond to.)

Kohdok: I get the feeling this is isn't your kind of story. Thanks for taking the time to read through it anyway.

The coincidence thing I, surprisingly, hadn't really realized. If I were to rewrite the story now, I would probably adjust one or two of those coincidences, although I do want to point out that the main characters all live or work in the same general neighborhood, and from my personal experience both growing up and as a musician in the bay area, you do tend to meet people who know other people you know all the time if you've lived there long enough, no matter which area you're in. Of course, that doesn't excuse how many coincidental turns my story has ended up taking for the sake of convenience, but I would argue that, while maybe a bit far-fetched, it isn't outrageous...although I'm still a little ashamed of myself.

Ah, yes, perspective, probably what I consider my worst problem right now(I'm glad I'm not crazy!). I've been looking for a book on it for about a month and I finally found a good one just the other day. Choosing San Francisco as a setting, while better for me to write with my background there, has been the most difficult aspect of the art in technical respects.

I'll give that lowering of background color intensity a try, and I am completely agreed with you on the panel outline width.

And keithmccleary:
I think you understand both the comic and my feelings towards it better than...well...everyone that I know of except my friends who I force to listen to me about it all the time.

You've basically pointed out the biggest adjustments I feel I've made in the comic over time (line width and the adjustment of characters features to make them more realistic and unique, to name the ones I've been focusing on lately), and my biggest gripes with myself (My earlier pages and my complaining about every single page in great detail...but hey, you seem to know exactly how I feel because of those rants, so maybe something good actually does come out of it).

The time-line issue is one I've been concerned about for a while, so much so that I asked a number of readers how long they thought it had been. Most of them responded with about the same amount I would say (as I keep it loose within one or two weeks in my head), with an additional, "but I don't think it really matters," or something along those lines. I remained concerned and have since started adding cues both in dialogue and setting to try to keep it tighter. Thus, the mention of how long Emma has been working, the addition of a calendar in two recent scenes, and at least one near future reference of how much time has passed since the event that ended part one. Of course, all of these references, though helpful, are also vague, which is an issue, but one that I have chosen to accept, as the only other option I can think of is a narrative box stating the length of time, which is something that has been suggested to me and which I refuse to do (I do my best to stick strictly to "fly on the wall" narrative).

The social life issue is also one I've been concerned about, as it has caused me a number of problems in writing, aside from the fact that it is odd... I agree with your feelings on it for the most part (that I'm showing what needs to be shown), and I've made adjustments with future characters, as well, but I also have to admit it probably has a lot to do with the fact that I avoid my acquaintances like the plague and for the most part stick around two or three people unless I'm on campus and the opportunity presents or forces itself upon me to be social. Oh, author insertion, how I wish I were better at avoiding you.

Oh, right! The chapter titles! I think after the first three or four I started doing mostly non-musical terms that were just basic Italian translations...from Babelfish (I...prob'ly shouldn't admit that...). They don't really mean a whole lot. The change from chapters to parts has resulted in only two that actually matter, Part I being Isolemento and Part II being Presenza. The first being "Isolation", and the second being "Presence". They, like all the smaller chapter titles are very vague and are cognates to the English. I never considered them to be any more than a fun and different way to title, as exposition should be in the story, not in the name. Plus, I'm not terribly creative with names...if you hadn't noticed with "Emma."

Everything else, I wholeheartedly agree with you on, and I really think you get what I'm trying to do. I really have to go, so, yay, abrupt ending to long-ass response! Thanks, guys, I really appreciate your reviews!

-Miruku

Yeah, a second look at my review does make it seem pretty cold, doesn't it. I sound too logical, and my recent "Trifles"-induced epiphany makes me realize I'm a bit shallow...

About the bay area thing, it's pretty hilly there, right? I guess that's a bit of why some of your perspective might look a little strange. Unfortunately, I couldn't understand some of the coincidences because I guess I'm that much of a recluse and haven't really experienced anything like that.

Not to say it's not my kind of story because of the genre, but more because of my lack of empathy, probably.

Okay, this is my first review on Drunkduck and my first real post, hope I don't screw up.

First off, I can't really fault the writing at all.
It flows well and we become familiar with the characters because of their distinct looks and personalities, it's easy to see this is all very character driven and that is the killer hook that keeps the story interesting.
The art is very good, especially with the latter pages.
The first 100 or so pages, some of the art didn't flow so well, I don't if you were getting different artists or perhaps it was the chosen color technique that didn't blend with the art but the linework is tight and the page layout is easy to follow, I would say the majority of the art is great and lesser quality pages are never below the 'good' mark.
The coloring to begin with was kind of patchy, I find comics easier to follow if a technique stays the same throughout.
The latter pages you've found perfect blend of art and coloring, that being said the colors are never bad, though the differing techniques can be a distraction.

All in all, what you have here does admittedly start a little slow though you have an interesting mix of characters and quality on all aspects of the creation proccess that makes this an interesting read.

What I like to do when looking at a comic I've never seen before that has a lot of history, is to look at the latest page, then go to the first page to see how much the art has improved. And I have to say you have improved a lot.

Your earliest colored work (with the colored pencils for your first "cover") was, in my opinion, poorly done, but looking at your current pages, it seems that you've moved past the problem and fixed it entirely.

I like how you've gotten away from being a "manga" artist. It seems like every manga artist to me looks like everyone else's stuff. But looking at your newest pages, it seems like you've developed your own style out of it. You can still see the subtle influences, but you can tell that it's your own unique voice.

You're about 220 pages in and there seems to be a lot of story. I've mostly been scanning through the art.. so I went back to about page 150 and read and it just seems like the story just kind of drags. You seem to have a Jim/Pam thing going on with Emma and your other main character. All build up and we're just waiting for them to finally get together. But the thing about your comic is.. if they were to get together then I think your story would be over? I could be wrong... but then you had to go and fake everyone out! (which is a nice touch and an especially well done page.)


All around I would give Emma a B+ and a pat on the back for sticking with this for 200+ pages.

Oh, hey! Another review! I haven't been around for a while so I didn't see this until now, but I like to respond, even if you don't end up seeing this.

First of all, thank you for looking at the latest page and then the first page. I do the same thing, and I appreciate it when others do the same. It saves everyone a lot of time to do it that way. :)

Hee. I love that you called it a Jim/Pam thing...even though I don't think that was meant as a compliment... I just love Jim/Pam. In all seriousness, though, my plan for the story goes far further than Theo/Emma. It may be giving a little bit away (whatever, everyone knows it's going to happen), but the plan is that they do get together, and the story, while still following a lot of their relationship, goes quite a bit more into Emma's career and Theo's past.

Thanks for the input!