Anticipation...

http://www.drunkduck.com/Assassin_Assassin/index.php

This is a hard one to review.

After the last review or sometime around that time ccs1989 took alot into the the critiques and redid his whole comic. I personally don't like comics that keep starting over ,but in this case I think it worked out.

(I really hoping he won't redo it again after this review thread is over.)

The characters have more of a goofyness to them. I'm not quite used to it you know the previous AA was all action and seriousness yet it was alot less bloody then the present. The humor makes me smile ,but nothing to make me laugh out loud. Perhaps it's dry humor?

Storywise: I like it that things are taking a new turn on most of the scenarios. I'm still looking for something that will make it all click togather to make it really interesting. Maybe Chain Death will give the AA group more tension. Otherwise... maybe this story needs a chick. lol sorry. I can't explain that well maybe another reviewer can point it out better what this story needs.

Art: It's a lot cleaner than the old AA comic. Chain Death doesn't look like a bish anymore, more like a rugged old guy. Kinda same old critque from last time: work on proportions. Work on backgrounds. You're really getting your style down, it's now to the point: what do you want your style to look really good as: a more detailed style(like Hellsing I'm comparing Hellsing manga because some of your old work resembled it) or a more simplified cartoonlike style(kinda like Eggbert's work or No Need For Bushido.)

Hope the review helps. Sorry if I sounded vague. In a sentence: AA is one of those wait and see comics and has potential to be a real good action webcomic.

Now here we go, story based comics, that's more my thing. I sat down, read the first chapter, then picked some random pages to poke at beyond that. (For now)

Art: Over all, the art sums up as consistant, clean, and easy to follow. You don't have to show us the small background elements half the time, but you do it anyway. The colors work well for me also, bright, but not eye buring by any stretch.

So if I had to say one bad thing about the art, it's the faces. For such a serious comic, I found some of the expressions read a bit too humorously for me. Other times the faces were just a bit /off/ and it squiked me while reading. This problem comes and goes, sometimes I had no issues, other pages I was a bit distracted from the text completly. Here's two that made me pause for a moment.

http://www.drunkduck.com/Assassin_Assassin/index.php?p=35694

http://www.drunkduck.com/Assassin_Assassin/index.php?p=22339


However, you do make up for it in other areas, I did like the pacing you gave to actions in the fights, I never felt lost from the actions going on. Loved these pages.

http://www.drunkduck.com/Assassin_Assassin/index.php?p=3848

http://www.drunkduck.com/Assassin_Assassin/index.php?p=39514


Writing: First off, you do one thing I find too many comic artists forget, writing how people really talk. You don't pass on using common place slang like 'yer' instead of you are, or you're. I approve greatly of this, too many comics read like science textbooks and less like listening to real people talk.

For me, the writing is what really carries this comic, it flows very well with the action, and even better when you have the build up scenes. Not much of the DBZ 'shouting our evil plans while puching the hero' sort of thing.


Over all I'm going to go A-, you could benifit from getting some reference photos at times, but the writing negates most of the little nitpicky details.

Before i start let me first state that i flat out dislike this comic, it isnt bad, it just dont like it.

Art:

It's alright I suppose, my main complaint is the horrible way character's heads randomly change shape and distort horribly all the time plus all their necks are thicker than their heads, the poses are often random and crappy, the colouring however i do rather like, it is generally inoffensive but the shading could use some more contrast. There is good use of angles for drama and the like, most of these are pretty clearly derived from manga, but that's fine. The last Art thing is the character design, it is horrible, the characters are just plain boring and all have silly haircuts.

Story:

Ugh, the dialogue is horrible, the characters say things that are absoloutley unessescary, and that nobody would ever say, for example here really? what the hell is that? characters will say things in a way that conflicts with their character incredibly often, another example is here the slightly suspect and entierly unsavoury millionaire says "they were a bit odd" wouldnt "bloody wierdos" with a sneering expression have been more appropriate for that character? apparently not.
Another thing is the characters so far at least seem really flat and 2 dimensional, they all seem to have the same non-personality.
yet another point is how the characters when fighting don't actually appear to have any skill at all, Chain death just seems to magicly control his chains without having to really do anything and caldara seems to just be generally "powerful" none of the characters really doing anything impressive or skillful while they are fighting just makes it boring, chain death walking around for hours with an untreated gunshot wound seems rediculous aswell.

Summary:

It isnt bad, but it isnt a comic i personally would want to read simply because everything about it seems a bit flat and obvious.

Alright, cool. I've got a wide variety of stuff here people think I should work on. One "I'm waiting to see how this turns out", one "Pretty good", one "It sucks" and one "It's ridiculous". Let me address these by writing a review of my own, since I usually do write reviews here.

Personally, I think my art in the begining of the comic is horrible. The coloring is flat, the characters faces look weird, and the bodies are all kinds of not-realistic. Like on this page Shiro's mask makes it look like his head is super pointy, and Caldara's head isn't round enough either.

I think my action scenes are pretty good though. Not excellent, but at least the people are moving. :P Feel free to disagree with me though.

Plot? I really can't critique my own plot. Though I'm bad at writing a large variety of characters.

However in more recent pages which will be updated soon I've really uped the contrast of the shading to make the coloring more interesting. Also the plot will change a lot.

Anyway, I hope you guys continue reading (or not, in the case of Tater Salad, who didn't read it) and enjoy the improvements I'll make.

Hm...I could do with an Eggbert review though. Those are usually the most harsh...

Review number two, dooby dooby doo.


Art: The things that really bugs about it, like an itch down your legs and you just can't ignore, is the necks. They're just so friggin' BIG. I mean come one, it's not as wide as your head. Oh and the hands. Hm. Needs some improving there. You do go on and on and on and on and on and on about perspective, but don't you think you're going a bit overboard , even for humour? But still, it is acceptable and above par compared to others. Like mine. And mine.

Story: Assassin Assassin? That's quite a 'gahmm' title, if you get my drift. There's not much going, but what I can make out is:

- There's a baddy called 'Chain Death'.
- He wants to kill this millionaire for some reason unknown (by me)
- There's an investigator doing something, protecting him or something
- He hired the AA-Team. There's a sword wielder and a mysterious guy in a bath robe and a mask.
- They fought. Shiro played Go Fish.
- All the policemen sucked. They can't shoot aim anything.
- 'heh' is used like a gajllion and pi times.
- Chain Death is still alive and he took a lift.


So due to this I conclude that the story is kinda all over the place but linear at the same time. So, you know, it's blwargh, it doesn't grab me, but it doesn't digust me either.


Over the all: It's better than the norm, but it's nothing special. Not gripping because of the emptiness of the characters' personas. Oh, and the necks. THE NECKS!


EDIT: Necks! I also found out that by the way the reviews are going, I'm going to have mine reviewed at November. Oy.

I'm sorry ccs, but your comic hasn't really improved much. I quit doing my daily commentarys on your comic because I was disappointed with where it was going.

Pretty much everything can be complained about. The art is sloppy, you have no grasp of anatomy, you keep drawing shirt collars like they're squares, the enviroments are flat and lifeless. The color has gotten more interesting in the last couple of pages, but the rest of the comic has an exciting pallet of grays and browns. The actual visual pacing of the comic is for the most part fine, and I can follow what's going on (asdide from those huge panels filled with a character's face that you seem to have every two pages. STOP DOING THOSE SO OFTEN. They are pointless and kill the flow of the comic. Action scenes often benefit from small panels, because the natrual tendency of the reader is last longer on big panels and shorter on tiny panels, thus using tiny panels in an action scene can give a quickness and feeling of urgency, something your comic really lacks) The action scenes are compitent in that I can follow what's happening, but other than that they're dull and uninteresting. Both the concepts and the execution are boring, largely due to a lack of anything interesting visually with a few excepetions (the top panel on this page http://www.drunkduck.com/Assassin_Assassin/index.php?p=41380 is my favorite thing you've ever drawn. It has complmentary colors, solid composition and a sense of depth. All your panels should be so interesting) and the "plot" of the comic's one fight so far borders on the dangerously cliche.

And really, to do interesting action, you need to think so much BIGGER. The guy fights with chains, have him fling them all over the room, have him use multiple chains at once, have Caldera deftly ddge his way through a whirlwind of razor sharp chains and clock CD right in his freaking face. There is so much more you could do with your characters. You need to go CRAZY with the action scenes.

The story has barely developed, so it's hard to comment on it all. I still don't really like any of the characters, but at least they all have personalities now.

The real problem with the comic is that you're woefully under experienced. This obvious in every aspect of your comic. You seriously need to get a good anatomy book and just practice. Over and over again.

I mean, your ideas are often pretty good. I can see what you were trying to do, but execution is where it falls flat. This is because you're not experienced enough.

I could give you a laundry list of individual things wrong with each page, but I've done that so many times before. If you want my opinion on anything you can ask me for it, but until something major changes don't expect anymore criticism from me.

PS: I highly recommend "Bridgeman's Complete Guide to Drawing From Life" and well as any issue of National Geographic.

Eggbert
I'm sorry ccs, but your comic hasn't really improved much. I quit doing my daily commentarys on your comic because I was disappointed with where it was going.

Ouch.

*The Rest Of The Review*

As sorta harsh as it is, if this wasn't my comic I would basically agree with you. What I do think I improved majorly on is pacing. I don't cringe anymore when I read my own work because of pacing But you're right on so many of the other things. Yes, early colors sucked. Yes, character battles aren't too interesting. Yes, the shirt collars look bad. Yes, the fights would be cooler if they were all over the place. And yes, I'm inexperienced.

PS: I highly recommend "Bridgeman's Complete Guide to Drawing From Life"

Own it, and have been practicing out of it. You'll see improvements soon.

Well, that was fun. Anyone else?

well, to honest I didn't think your comic is that bad as the others say...

granted you have some drawing issues, but I don't think they'd be THAT obivous to the readers out there who just reads it for the story and some of the art, you know?

it's obivous you got a fanbase going on there, so your artwork and story isn't THAT bad....

I do certainly find your plot and story very intersting after all.

So in total, I find your comic to be pretty okay in terms of Art, and the story I keep on wondering what is gonna happen next.

While I'm not in love with "Assassin Assassin," I did enjoy parts of it. The goofy heroes, for example, are desperately needed. I get a sense that, deep down, Chain Death is kind of a goober too, which I like. This still reads as an amateurish web comic, but not an incompetent one.

Some quick suggestions:

When writing, avoid cliches. You actually opened up with "A dark and stormy night," and you were dead serious. The first words someone says are "So I says to him." That's okay when you're taking notes, but things like these need to be gone by the second draft.

Your art is very inconsistent. I think your action drawings are pretty good-- while I agree that the action sequences could be much bigger and more interesting, the movement of those chains is not an easy thing to convey. The action comes across very well in most cases.

You do need to work on anatomy. Faces are where I'd start. That's where things get very sloppy sometimes, is the faces. Your hands, sadly, look like hands that I would draw. Hands are really really hard, so that's probably going to be true for a while.

Also, too much happens in empty rooms. Give your characters a world to inhabit, not the set from Cube. The empty AA office might be weird and spooky, for example, but considering the series of empty rooms that all the previous action took place in, it seems commonplace.

victor_von
While I'm not in love with "Assassin Assassin," I did enjoy parts of it. The goofy heroes, for example, are desperately needed. I get a sense that, deep down, Chain Death is kind of a goober too, which I like.

I'm glad that came across. :D

When writing, avoid cliches. You actually opened up with "A dark and stormy night," and you were dead serious.

In my defense, that was a homage to Peanuts. Snoopy always begins his stories "It was a dark and stormy night." Considering that the comic is kind of tongue and cheek, I thought that was a good way to begin it.

You do need to work on anatomy. Faces are where I'd start. That's where things get very sloppy sometimes, is the faces. Your hands, sadly, look like hands that I would draw. Hands are really really hard, so that's probably going to be true for a while.

Working on it.

Also, too much happens in empty rooms. Give your characters a world to inhabit, not the set from Cube. The empty AA office might be weird and spooky, for example, but considering the series of empty rooms that all the previous action took place in, it seems commonplace.

Yeah, I'm gonna try to add more backgrounds.

Thanks for the review!

In my defense, that was a homage to Peanuts. Snoopy always begins his stories "It was a dark and stormy night." Considering that the comic is kind of tongue and cheek, I thought that was a good way to begin it.

Heheh... yeah, I love Schulz.

I think this would work better if it was more obvious early on that this is a humor/action strip. The gorey early pages read as deadly serious, so I didn't read this as "jokingly cliched," just cliched.

Handled slightly differently, I think the gag can work, though.

Hm, well it is an action/humor strip. A lot of what goes on in it is just so ridiculous that I could never take it seriously. The old version was too serious, and so I made special effort to make this version funnier.

There's still some seriousnes, but it's surrounded by light-hearted stuff. I don't know if that came across.

I thought about it... and I figured it out!

You're comic needs.... CHARACTER MOTIVATION!

Why do your characters do the things they do? Why is Cardara and Shino assassins of assasssins? What is their goal in the story? What do they want? Want is their desires?
Why is Chain Death an assassin? For money? Power? Chicks?

Get that going and AA's gonna get going!

True. Good point. At the moment the character just seem to be there. Their motivation as far as we know is 'Paying the Rent'.

This comic is actually not bad.

Artwork: It gets better, but it seems as if you didn't put as much thought into the characters. The designs were fine, but they looked exactly the same throughout the whole thing. Also, you seem to have a bit of trouble on proportions. Here's a great tutorial that helped me out:
http://www.polykarbon.com/tutorials/
Also, I made a head tutorial, if you're interested:
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/34824679/?qo=21&q=by%3Adancingchaos+sort%3Atime+-in%3Ascraps

Aside from proportions, you need more details in your characters. There needs to be some wrinkles in the clothing, and the face needs more shading. Also, the backgrounds need more attention.

Storyline: The storyline isn't bad. But there are some things I should point out.

Your characters don't have much personality at all. How did they become skilled warriors? What are their goals? What do they treasure in life? How did they meet? Why are they assassins today? Interests? Hobbies? It's almost as if you just added them in, and they were always assassins. Also, at times, they just fool around. I mean, that masked guy seems pretty mysterious. But he acts exactly the same as his partner, and the whole 'hide my face with a mask' doesn't look to have so much of a purpose, because it doesn't have his personality. I think it would be cool if the masked guy was serious and stuff, and the white-haired guy was always fooling around, since he's a kid. Just make personalities for everyone. But there's one guy you did have a personality for, and that's the chain guy. He's crazy, and he must work for that one guy for a purpose, right? So, I'm satisfied with him. The storyline would be more interesting if your characters somehow connected to that chain guy, or something. But you only take the basics: two heroes, bad guy, must defeat bad guy, end.

Layout: The layout is good, but it needs a little more thought. You add only a couple panels each page, and that is not convenient for the reader. The fight scene was practically half the entire comic, and it dragged on, only because the panels are huge. If it's hard to make it smaller, try to make the lines thinner.

Wow, sorry about going all out on your comic... I got carried away.