Review baby. You know you want to.



Choking Dolphins

Pissing in a mailbox is a misdemeanor, not a felony.

Art: The art is in this awkward place between cartoon/realistic and straight cartoon. As a result the more realistic facial expressions look great, but the more exaggerated cartoonish expressions look awfully strange. If you're going to go for those expressions you really need to just take the leap and go full out cartoon when you do. Because of the way you've been doing things so far, there's not a lot in the way of consistency of facial structure. Especially in head size, shape, and the ridge placement.

Take this for example. Second to last panel, the bearded dude has a normal sized forehead. In the last panel he has no forehead. Now compare the Viking guy's face shape, (narrow with a pronounced chin) to this comic. It's squared off with more emphasis on the forehead. I have no problem with evolving style. I love to see it. But you're not really evolving in any one direction. You're kinda all over the place. Another example is in your bodies. They can either be rubbery, or realistic. They can't be both. If you give someone realistic musculature and then have their arm bend in a curve, that just looks weird.

Also, how many fingers are on your characters hands? Four or five? This is a decision you should've made a long time ago. You can't just go back and forth whenever it suits you.

Backgrounds are simple but they suit the comic I think. I hate the photo-backgrounds, definitely stick to drawn in ones.

Writing: Choking Dolphins is an appropriate title for this comic, because it feels like one big circle jerk. I assume this is supposed to be a humor comic even though there are no jokes, only non-sequitors and wacky events. In the beginning it was pretty painful. Characters would just go off on some tangent that didn't relate to anything. Like :

"I don't know if this is a batman costume or a zorro costume."
"Speaking of Batman, Frank Miller thinks all women are whores."

Firstly, he wasn't speaking about batman, he was speaking about his costume. Secondly the response begins "speaking of batman" but then says something totally unrelated to batman. Sure Frank Miller once made a batman comic, but it a pretty tenuous connection. See now if he'd say "speaking of whores" or "speaking of frank miller" or maybe even "speaking of Sin City" it could've worked but as it stands it's apples and oranges. Or how about:

"I just realized I've never been to a party before."

Really? He just realized this? Like it dawned on him all of a sudden? He never noticed it before now? Seriously thanks for the awkward exposition, but if I were about to have some lobster, and I'd never eaten lobster before I'd say "You know, guys, I've never eaten lobster before." Not "I just realized I've never eaten lobster before." Hey! I just realized I never reviewed your comic before! Oh wait, no I didn't. I knew it all along. Nobody speaks like this. I promise you don't even speak like this with your friends. At best you're taking snippets of conversations with your friends and cobbling them together even though they don't go together and trying to insert them into a storyline where they don't belong. It's like you're building a house, and you have mortar, and you have bricks, but all the bricks are all different sizes and shapes and colors, you got some round bricks, and a trapezoid one, and one that's fifteen feet long, but only half an inch wide, and you're trying to build a house with these bricks but no matter how much mortar you use the house is going to kinda suck because none of the bricks fit together... In retrospect I'm sure I could've thought of a much simpler metaphor than that... Oh! It's like you have a bunch of jigsaw puzzle pieces and none of them fit together but you have a hammer, and by god you'll make 'em fit. So in the end your puzzle looks like a disjointed mess of unrelated puzzle pieces. There you go. That's a solid metaphor for your dialogue. Another big issue here is that all your characters sound the same. Would there be any difference, any difference at all if you switched around the text bubbles? You need to distinguish differences in there peoples personalities. The problem is not that I can't tell any of them apart, it's that they're totally interchangeable.

Now lately you've had the non-sequitor remarks cut down a bunch, but instead you've had an ongoing non-sequitor storyline. Its like everything that happens is deus ex machina. They go to a party, then they get arrested, then track down a pimp, then their part of a conspiracy, then they travel through time and space, and one of them becomes a Viking and then a werewolf too, and one of them travels all over time for shits and giggles, and one of them is worshiped and then does some drugs, and then theres a robot too... Theres no real driving force for this storyline, it's just a bunch of things happening that you think would be cool if they happened to you, and then when you run out of ideas for that thing you have another random thing happen. Non-sequitors can only really work if they have something constant to bounce off of. Even something like ATHF or Sealab has a driving force. The characters are trying to do something, get their EZ-bake oven, stop a robot bunny, you know, something. They have a goal to accomplish, something to prevent, or something to achieve, and all the craziness that happens is around trying to achieve this goal. Your characters don't have anything like this. They're just there, and stuff happens, and they don't really care, so neither does the reader. This is fine for you recording your fanboy fantasies but for a third party reading it as fiction, it doesn't have any substance. You need to start planning your story in advance so its always moving in one direction.

Final Word: I see a lot of problems in this comic that I've really struggled keeping out of my own comic. The thing is, if you know this character it might be funny that they do that wacky thing, so it's funny to you because you know them. But you haven't conveyed anything real about this character to the reader, so I don't know anything about them, so I don't care when they do that wacky thing. All I see is character x does/says wacky thing. I want to say that EVERY problem I've pointed out in this review is one I've notice in my own work and have taken great pains to try to eliminate. You really need to put yourself in the place of the reader and ask "why should I care" and if there isn't a reason there, you really need to work on making one. Writing is a skill, just like drawing and if you want it to be good it takes at least as much work as drawing.

My review works without numbers, using a more strengths/weaknesses/interesting point system, finishing with "Overall"

Writing

The comic stars 3 or 4 basically interchangeable characters. They don't so much have personalities as they have some vague role in the story. Their roles boil down to having one interest stronger than the others. Other than that, nothing separates one idiot from the next. Yes, they're stupid on purpose. So were The Three Stooges, but at least you could tell them apart both in appearance and personality. (Shemp less so) Here's an example: If I drew three identical characters, but gave them Moe, Larry and Curly's personalities, you'd know who was who at any given point in time. The abusive leader's Moe, the peacemaker is Larry, and the one with all the crazy catchphrases and antics is Curly. With this crew... umm... the blond seems to be slightly hornier.

Characters aside, the loose, screwball plot isn't too bad. I read the comic from the beginning to the current point and it actually bothered to tie up a few loose ends, which surprised me given that the story seemed to be just thrown together with glue and elastics. There does seem to be some planning despite a plethora of what appears to be random events. As to being funny... I smiled at a couple of references, but it mostly didn't work for me. I tend to be drawn to characters so the lack of personalities is what made the writing a 'miss' for me.

Strengths:
- A hidden plan in all the chaos.

Weaknesses:
- No personality
- Too much random humour

Artwork
The artwork does the job. I've seen a lot better, I've seen a lot worse. Big points for effort though -- you can tell Johnyrocker is putting some serious time into the artwork. By the time Issue Three rolls around the style has evolved considerably. The artwork will continue to improve as time goes on. I've heard this advice for my own comic and I think it applies here too: Simplify.

Strengths:
- Style works for the subject matter

Interesting:
- The art of the comic is still growing and it's too early to comment much more on it.

Style
Its style strikes me very similar to "Children at Play". The humour is mostly low-brow and/or random. It's not my thing and not the sort of comic I would follow. That bias said, I'm going to skip the Strengths/Weaknesses/Interesting for "Style".

Overall
Not my cup of tea at all, but I could actually stomach going through the entire archive. Some other comics I've looked at the first page, and winced, and eventually gave up on reviewing when I just couldn't stand to go through any more updates. That's a backhanded compliment in its own way.

Here's my take: Start in the middle, and read a few pages. If you like what you saw, Fav it because its going to grow. If you were indifferent, maybe come back to it some day as its still evolving. If you're looking for a 'smart' comic however, you won't find it here.

Art: The drawings with photo backgrounds was a neat idea, but sometimes the incompatibility was jarring. I like that the more recent backgrounds are hand-drawn. The homages to bands/comics/movies are fun. The art has significantly improved since the beginning of the comic - the proportions (especially head:body ratios) are much more pleasing to the eye. I'd like to see more dynamic "camera" angles and some more experimentation with the panel layouts, but regardless of that, the comic is easy to read/follow.

Writing: I found that most of the early jokes fell flat - it could be that it's just not my type of humor (I'm notoriously snobby). With the latest time-traveling story arc, though, the writing has gotten MUCH better. Plus Leonardo da Vinci has a bit of a potty mouth - who knew? The biggest draws for me right now are the random bits of history thrown in there, some glimpses of the future, and creepy Disney princesses. I think the storytelling is getting more interesting now, and I'd like to see it continue to develop.

As a closing comment, CD was hard for me to get into at first, but I found the most recent pages to be quite engaging. Now I want to find out what happens next!

Art: I actually like the art, although I agree with everything said before me. Try to pick a style and stuck to it, because the "in between" didn't really click.

Writing: I definitely wish the characters would have more personality. It would have drawn me in my more. Try giving each of them something very distinct (this usually means exaggerating a character flaw or something like that. Also the wacky events don't really seem to wacky to me (and that's because I'm not in your head lol). I think what you need is step away and read your comic a a reader not the author and see if it's still funny to you.

Encouragement: You are definitely on the right path. You get better as the comic progresses :) so don't be discouraged by all the criticism, it should only help you grow and get better

Okay, this is the first review I ever do to a comic here, so let's see what can I do.

This comic feels weird. Sometimes "good-weird", other times "bad-weird". During the whole first issue and good part of the second one I wasn't sure there ever existed a plot in the comic. I did read all through it, and finally saw a HUGE improvement by the end, so let's see those details...


Plot and Characters:
The three main characters of this comic seem to be teenagers that live the day-to-day rather than stopping a moment to consider their past or future actions (no pun intened, given the time-travel plot). I like characters with personality, and however I doubt these guys don't have their own individual characteristics, you developed them too late.

I'd love to have known more about the characters from the beginning. Not EVERYTHING, but enough as for feeling some affection for them. Instead I had three guys with no aparent personalities living, as I said, the day-to-day and dragging the reader along.

The plot is very, very confusing. Many comics had achieved hillarous results with totally random plots, but there is something in yours that doesn't seem to fit well. Only by half the third issue it begints to take a shape, and I do like that.


Art:
I notice a BIG improvement as the comic advances. The first pages can not compare at all with the last ones, and I have the nice feeling your art will keep improving. I won't really critique the art style on the first issues mainly because all what I could suggest you have already improved later on the comic, and that is GOOD.

Keep drawing. Keep improving.


Overall:
I must be honest: I would have stopped reading the comic several times during the first, second, and some parts of the third issue. Too many sudden changes, switching POVs (Point Of Views), loads of random insanity... A bit is okay, too much is... well... too much.

Slowly, very, very slowly, the comic began to grow on me. I did feel intrigued on how it is going to continue, for the last pages are much better and much more improved. But to reach those pages I had to go thrugh almost 70 pages of utter insanity, which is something to be taken lightly.

All in all, the comic evolves. Your main flaws are the characters and the plot. Give us more details of the characters, show them to us, make us feel something for them. That helps a lot when reading a comic. Also, try to set a clear plot, or try to avoid too many sideways on it. Don't confuse the reader too much.

I don't complain about the art. You have already improved it.

Good luck, man.


(Max)

Hmm, it's not that bad. :) Not the best, but not bad.

ARTWORK:

It's clean, cartoony, fully colored, and shows effort. Those are the qualities I really like about it. I like the style, for one. That kind of realistic-cartoon kind of thing shows off a lot of talent. :)

However, it bothers me a little anatomy-wise. The characters don't seem to have a definite shape. Some panels have more realistic-anatomy that others. For example, in this comic:

http://www.drunkduck.com/Choking_Dolphins/index.php?p=333090

When that character is sitting down, he has more realistic features in his bottom-half, and more broad shoulders. But in this comic:

http://www.drunkduck.com/Choking_Dolphins/index.php?p=336366

Look at the last panel. The same character now looks more stringy. His anatomy is more cartoony, with skinnier arms and legs, and his head appears to be bigger.

Though troubles with anatomy, this author shows effort and dedication in the artwork. It's neat, stylish, and in full color. I give it a A-.

WRITING:

The writing, unfortunately, fell flat. It's got a full plot down, gave it some interesting twists with the whole "time-travel" thing. Overall, it's not pointless. Not pointless, but not special, either.

The jokes are kinda vague in most cases, and pop up a little to suddenly and at random times. Nothing really stands out. The swearing little robot cracks a smile, but still doesn't give it an edge. The characters lack an interesting personality.

The content doesn't really flow, either. It was a little hard to get the expressions right for me. It lacks punctuation sometimes, and is very blah and inexpressive. For example:

http://www.drunkduck.com/Choking_Dolphins/index.php?p=303691

The third panel where he says, "That now I'm in a whole new- WOAH what the f***?". It lacks expression for me. It would have probably been written better if it was, "That now I'm in a whole new-", then separated in a new panel, "WOAH! What the F***!?". It's kinda written a little too plainly, like a novel or a book, and not like POW!, like a comic. The writing, I give it a C.

OVERALL:

Choking Dolphins is a random comic with random humor. Some people like that, but some, like me, don't. The art, though, is a thumbs-up for me. I'm one for cartoony, fun styles, and Choking Dolphins definitely has that. Overall, for a read, like I said, it's not bad. Random? Yes. But it's got a full plot down with some enjoyable twists. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Overall, this comic gets a B. A not-so-bad grade for a not-so-bad comic. Choking Dolphins, you earned it. :)