Underneath Chuck Norris' beard, there is no chin. There's only another fist.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win.

Forever.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris was born in a wood cabin he built. By hand.

I shall fear no evil, for Chuck Norris is my saviour.

Chuck Norris's first students were rocks. That's how they learned what solid is. Gibraltor was head of the class.

God said "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said: "Say Please..."

That's not Chuck Norris doing push ups. He's actually pushing Earth in order to save it from an incoming meteor.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris actually prevented the Kennedy Assasination by stopping the bullet with his bare hands. Unfortunately, JFK's head exploded from sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris has no need for email. He runs there and tells you in person.

Chuck Norris can believe its not butter.

Chuck Norris is pretty strong I guess.

One time Chuck Norris was wanted for manslaughter. The police arrested him 1 week later and he was sentenced to life inprisonment with no parole. Chuck Norris was very disgruntled by this but accepted that he needed to pay for his actions, and hopes some day the man he killed's family can forgive him.

I am truly sorry for your lots.

How much wood could a wood chuck chuk if a wood chuck could chuck Norris?


All of it.

There is no ctrl button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

The Guiness Book of World Records is only filled with things Chuck Norris didn't feel like taking credit for.

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom, because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Chuck Norris invented Dodgeball.

He invented the ball

He invented the circle

Here are some I came up with myself. I don't know if anyone else has already come up with any of them, but they seem obvious enough that there is a distinct possibility. If these are already existing jokes then it is purely coincidental.

Chuck Norris knows precicely how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop.

When the groundhog sees it's shadow it means six more weeks of winter. When Chuck Norris saw his shadow he caused the last ice age.

In America Chuck Norris kicks your ass. In Soviet Russia Chuck Norris kicks your ass.

*would make a comment about how Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Duke Nukem before going to sleep... but doesn't feel like flying Chuck Norris' "Pain Airlines"... via a very hard kick to the rear...

Don't be stupid, Chuck Norris isn't that gre--

*Rest of text lost due to freak Chuck Norris attack*

Why would you insult Chuck Norris? Only fools and/or vikings would ever be so dumb as to attempt to... hold on a second...

The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-.

These are also Chuck Norris' initials.

Coincidence? I think not.


hahaha Is this a case of "I see what you did thar" Dragonstea? ;)

Chuck Norris has caught up with Thursday. He put Patrick back in his place without saying a word.

And that my friends is how the comic ends.

Chuck Norris once peed into the gas tank of a truck as a joke. That truck is now Optimus Prime

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris and Superman once had bet on who would win in a fight. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his clothes.

Chuck Norris was made an honorary Marine in 2007 like Bugs Bunny was in World War II.

If John Wayne wasn't in heaven all these Chuck Norris remarks would be about the Duke. After all John Wayne really did kick cancer's ass and Death really did have a near-John Wayne experience. (look it up)

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer.

Too bad he's never cried.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

The bogeyman checks under his bed each night for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.