I started to write a story, I was wondering what people thought of it so far. I'm a little tentative about the writing...

Captain Red, Scouge of the High Heavens

here's how I would write it...

ensign kerpatrick: "our systems been hit by an EMP cannon"
Cap: "kerpatrick, get your ass in gear and get the systems online"

ensign: "it won't do any good, our shiled's gonna take 3 minutes to boot up"
cap: " then give me thrust control"

Ensign "what?"
cap "these bastards think they're so smart, Let's see them handle our battle cruiser up their assess"

ensign: "that's suicide!"
cap " and that's probably what they're gonna think"

cap: "when they start backing up there will be a window of oportunity in their shield as it compensates for emergency deviation"
ensign "that's right. power has to be diverted through the ship for that type of maneuver"

cap: "now you're getting it. give me ship wide intercom"
cap: "alpha team , suit up we're boarding the ship using the lancets. beta team get into the strikers and take out their gunners"

cap " the only way for us to live, is to die trying!"

subcultured
here's how I would write it...

ensign kerpatrick: "our systems been hit by an EMP cannon"
Cap: "kerpatrick, get your ass in gear and get the systems online"

ensign: "it won't do any good, our shiled's gonna take 3 minutes to boot up"
cap: " then give me thrust control"

Ensign "what?"
cap "these bastards think they're so smart, Let's see them handle our battle cruiser up their assess"

ensign: "that's suicide!"
cap " and that's probably what they're gonna think"

cap: "when they start backing up there will be a window of oportunity in their shield as it compensates for emergency deviation"
ensign "that's right. power has to be diverted through the ship for that type of maneuver"

cap: "now you're getting it. give me ship wide intercom"
cap: "alpha team , suit up we're boarding the ship using the lancets. beta team get into the strikers and take out their gunners"

cap " the only way for us to live, is to die trying!"

...Is that from something?

If I'm not mistaken, I think that's the dialogue from one of his animations... (?)

I agree with Sub- it's interesting so far, but without either names like he suggested, or some narrative, it's a bit hard to tell who's saying what.

Keep it up, though- I want to hear more about Captain Red!

nah, i just made it up last night while looking at your script lol!

but I am looking forward to you drawing out the strip, Gen

I don't know if I am going to draw it. Just to point out...there's more than one chapter...I don't know if you were looking at the whole thing, or just that first page. It is confusing though...I'm afraid I'm too..."talky" if ya know what I mean.