It occurs to me that an awful lot of trouble in Gotham City could have been averted a long time ago if Batman had just ripped the Joker's nipples off.

I mean, treatment doesn't work, does it? They stick the Joker in the nuthatch, he comes out again and does the same things.

A man with the nipples ripped off him does not make the same mistakes twice.

Criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot, and need the nipples ripped off them.

I mean, who's going to argue?

"Batman, I've heard disturbing reports that you ripped the Joker's nipples off."

"Choke on my fuck, Commissioner Gordon."

"...okay."

I mean, crime in Gotham City doesn't exactly seem to be affected by a man dressed as a bat flapping around the place. But no-one disobeys a man wearing a necklace of human nipples.

"I'm Batman" isn't cutting it in the striking-fear-into-their-hearts stakes. But "I'm Batman -- and I'm here for your nipples" is an entirely different proposition.

Criminals would see the error of their ways after a man in a black leather pervert suit had their nipples off with the edge of a Batarang, you mark my words. Or a Bat-Denipplizer.

I'm off to ring DC Comics.


(C) Warren Ellis 2002, 2004

I nearly crapped myself laughing at this, and I felt you all would like to read it considering drunkduck has a batman collaboration and everything. Perhaps we could discuss our own points of view on the subject of batman deciding to fight crime with this sort of alternative method.

Sure it would hurt - A LOT - at first but... So what? What do a man's nipples really do anyway? They're useless.

Joker (Waking up in Arkham):
"Oh, no! It wasn't a dream! My nipples are gone! They're gone!! Now I can't ... I can't... Hmm, nothing's really changed, has it? Except now I won't be sensitive to the cold weather in wool shirts! That makes me more invincible than ever before! Heh, hee, hee, hee, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!" :lol:


Of course, Batman protects himself from such things with his handy Bat-Nipple Armor:


.: SpANG! :.

The girl heros/villians should have nipples on their suits too! :x

really? I've always thought girl heroes/Villians shouldnt wear suits at all.

he should really just cut off thier balls instead.

guys have a use for thier balls, and plus it'd hurt more :twisted:

Tater Salad
Cutting off the DICK, however. THAT would make them squeal.

Then the villains have nothing to loose. Rip off their nipples and then they know shit'll happen if they do something again.

I think that would be very effective. I mean think about it after ripping off the nipples...well what else is there to rip off of a man.

Ugh...Warren Ellis has a very sick mind. However I'm sure Frank Miller will pick up on this idea.

They've had Batman going up against Darkseid which is just the most improbable fight ever in DC. I don't care if he was wearing special Apocalyptic armor! Batman can only do so much damage to an actual god in a fist fight. He's survived Aliens, Predators, Punisher, Daredevil, and more. I'm still waiting for Batman Vs. Godzilla!

Course, in the Marvel Comics, Godzilla was shrunken down to human-size in that part. It was usually SHIELD fighting Godzilla, and sometimes the F4. I heard somewhere that the owners of Godzilla expressly forbid Dark Horse from doing a Superman Vs. crossover comic.