Mildy risque, but this is obviously from a newspaper so someone out there deemed it fit for public reading:

o_o

Wow...

I love the detail at the end about the dog. like it wasn't weird enough ALREADY.

I'm imagining a scenario where the burglar is an attractive female who ate some funky mushrooms before invading someone's home. She gets mesmerized by the victim's lewd act and joins in.

CUE THE 70'S MUSIC! Bow chicka wow wow!

Okay, I'll trade imaginations with Gohlico, because the one I had in mind was horrifying and nasty.

I like Gohlico's version better too...

However, the true story is likely the masturbator was high on something- probably the mushrooms, or maybe something else- killed his dog by accident and the video taping "burglar" was either a drug fantasy or his idiot way of explaining why his dog died.

Why he bothered to report it: being high makes you do stupid things. And just being guilty about his dog could've made him do it too...

Sad, sad, sad, stupid bugger...

WOW! What an odd news report.

I was forced to find something related.

WRONG WRONG WRONG

I swear news are getting weirder everyday.

Hah Ha! The joke's on you! These articles are from the 80s. Although come to think about it... you're right.