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Member:61,686
Posts:111
Joined:8-30-2008
Seen:11-26-2009
Oct 23,`08 3:29pm | Quote |

Hi, this is my first comic so far, the name's transcerebral, a Gender bending story with some random humor and sci-fi,it has just begun so wanted to know people's first impressions.

http://www.drunkduck.com/Transcerebral/index.php

Most pages are colored digitally via Photoshop, i use a Wacom tablet that's about two years old and is starting to age pretty quickly.

the update schedule is Mon-Fri and so far 18 pages are up (you might belive that's a small number but i want to know first impressions)

also you might have noticed that english is not my primary language so there might be lots and lots of grammar and/or dialogue mistakes.

 
Member:64,076
Posts:61
Joined:10-19-2008
Seen:8-28-2009
Oct 24,`08 12:16am | Quote |

I like the story, I think it might not be the most unique thing, but you tell it in a reader-friendly way (which means: NO EXPOSITION OVER 9000! one of the worst things a writer can do)

The English is also fine. English isn't my native either, but I understand everything you've written. If I had any complain about the text, it would be that it feels a bit "made up on the spot", like you didn't have a manuscript before you drew the pages

It sort of feels the same with the characters. Allthough it's only been 18 pages, they feel a bit generic and have no unique physical traits that makes them stand out from the rest

 
Member:61,686
Posts:111
Joined:8-30-2008
Seen:11-26-2009
Oct 24,`08 12:33am | Quote |

hehe, you're absolutely right, the first pages didn't follow a manuscript, sadly i'm afraid that problem isn't solved until chapter 4,when i started to use better script guidelines.

i understand what you say about the characters, they went through a painful transformation process, and i couldn't grasp what was wrong with them.

well thanks for your advice, i should move on to improve both my drawing and writing skills, thanks again !!!



 
Member:57,275
Posts:1,393
Joined:6-11-2008
Seen:11-26-2009
Oct 24,`08 11:47am | Quote |

Panda,

I know you know that I love your comic but I wanted to add my thoughts to Starbraces. The English is fine as far as I can tell (you might want to ask Amanda to review if you want someone that hits the grammar hard . I really like the character design and the coloring is very well done. On the script side, I usually write a full script and then change it as I add pages... they seem to dictate the way the story goes. In your case I feel like the story is building slowly but picking up steam as it goes (as I would expect). I look forward to seeing where you go with it... and I recommend this story to other DD'ers.

Thanks,
AG

 
Member:61,686
Posts:111
Joined:8-30-2008
Seen:11-26-2009
Oct 24,`08 6:14pm | Quote |

i'm just so glad you like it, i had one script for the first pages but i made it too hard so the first ones suffer many problems , and yes, i believe even that way the pace is a little slow for the characters to develop.

i'm really grateful for all comments they'll sure help me develop the comic better, thanks a lot !!.



 
Member:64,732
Posts:1
Joined:11-2-2008
Seen:11-2-2008
Nov 2,`08 11:24pm | Quote |

Great job on the comic! I like the story. It looks like it's gonna be a lot of fun to see what happens to the main character.

I'm not really much of a writer but I'd like to give my thoughts on the visual part of the comic. First I think the paneling is great and you should keep it up. Changing up the framing keeps the pages from becoming a "pattern" therefore really keeping the viewers interested. My only recommendation would be play around more with the line weight when inking it. I think the thing that's easily forgotten when going from pencil to ink variation of line weight on to help describe form (since it's done unconsciously with the pencil). Like where there is weight make the line slightly thicker.

And thanks again for putting up such a fun comic to read!

This post was last edited on Nov 2,`08 11:25pm


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