http://www.drunkduck.com/My_Darling_Dollie
My Darling Dollie
Book One

In his dying days, the china doll sits in the attic of his former home. To ease the pain of decay, he recounts a story... His story. Upon these pages, is his life.
All recorded, but for his final words:
'Please... do not forget me...'

The story follows our hero, small, pale, blond and effeminate; also known as, Ritsui Amane. Day by day, we'll follow the life of this adolescent boy as he struggles with his bad-luck streak and job. In between it all is his crush, Rea Kuro, chef at Strawberry Kiss Cafe where Ritsui busses tables.
Akward, stuttering and shy. But he will. He will, be wrapped tight and sure in the arms of his love by the end of it all. No matter what.

Rated M (may change)
Upadates every sunday.

...

HERES A PICTURE TO LOOK AT :D

1st of all let me emphasize that I am no pro, and am probably the less qualified critic around here, I'm here to pick up tips mainly ^^.

But here's how I see your comic:

I'm not really a fan of black and white manga, I think it's better off colored or pencil shaded (which I actually prefer). But in your comic's case the way you made it look and feel like it's just out of the press, the shading plus some little key coloring does indeed make it look pretty cool. I like it alot. In fact I think the way you draw, adding too much color would take away from it.

Pretty cool write, a tad too adultish fo my taste, but all in all very good.

Thankyou :D
I lack a scanner/camera and the inability to see colors, so black and white is all I can really do D: So I'm glad you like it!

I dont mean to sound like a dick here, but what about your comic will make me want to read it? What I'm saying is...I draw my own comics, so when i get online, im usually uploading. so then Im usually on photobucket or other websites. When I come to drunkduck I check my favorites, see if theres anything on the homepage that looks cool, if not, im out. With my daughter and everything I dont have much time to browse through thousands of webcomics to read yours. So sell me on it a bit more, because your description so far sounds atypical and not likely for me to check out.

FIRST OF ALL-i really want to discourage you from using MS paint or whatever you're using to do your line work. it comes out overly rigid and sketchy. you need to be able to make rounded lines. it's very distracting, i dont know if you have the means to do pages then scan them in instead, but if you can i recommend you switch to that method RIGHT away becuase the method you're using right now is only HURTING your work.

also try using more backgrounds. i do like how creative you are with them. with the different designs and everything. that's cool, but it makes it rough on scene changes,you know? like the scene changing from the bedroom to when he's at work, you have to rely on what the characters saying to know you're somewhere else.

other then that, beef up on your anotomy a little more. study actual pictures of people and stuff like that. you actually arent so bad with that. but it wouldnt hurt to tweek it a bit.studying how bones and muscule groups really helped me when i needed to cross that bridge so you may want to google some images of sketetal and muscule groups to help. i notice sometimes your characters have the Akira Toriyama faces a little bit. that's pretty common, i used to do it to. i also really incourage you to find your own style for drawing. like i said, look at real pictures of people and study them instead of other people's characters. i was a big DBZ fan when i was younger and it kinda wigs me out to see those characters having sex with eachother, haha. but even more impotantly, it's SOOOO much better to have your own style. everyone has artists they look up to, and becuase of that, that artist's work may always have some effect on yours wether you notice it or not, it's just how it goes, but study off of real pictures of people and develope your own way to draw them. make your own sense of it.

anyways, went on kind of long, but if you shape yourself up a bit, i think you will go over well with more anime/yaoi fans.

Demons, death and ressurection? Magic mingled with the everyday life of a confused homosexual island boy?
...
Ya know, I really don't know what to say without spoiling it ^^'

er, I use Manga studio debut... I'm really new to it, so I tend to fuck alot of things up, I'll admit. And I can see where and why you say that it's sketchy, I don't want to sound all defensive-like, but these pages have to be atleast five months old. I moved My Darling Dollie from another account a couple days ago, then re-uploaded everthing I had up already as of then.
I currently have up to page 14 finished, and I assure you; they are hardly as craptastic as what you're seeing. Not the best, bot not total shit stains either :3

lol, same thing. The newer pages have better and more backgrounds. But... er, he's not at work yet? Kianey opened the window, where Henna was standing on the window pane waitin' for Ritsui. Aha haha Yeah I guess the page wasn't all that clear on that ^^;

I'm trying to develop a style, but my... er, mentor (?) who first showed me the (wonderful) world of anime, is kinda like my fucking idol, and no matter how hard I try My style just ends up more and more like hers- and her style is copied from all her fave anime/manga artists.

I wish I could be more origional. I try! Just like I try to spell.... but it never works....

Thankyou for your constructive critisizem.