I have Steely Gaze to thank for this thread idea.

He brought up a point in my "If you controlled Marvel, what would you do?":



He also included "if you don't like it, don't read it" but that point didn't apply to me since I had long ago abandoned Marvel, DC, manga, and anime. If you want something good, don't go to a company, culture or country -- go to the individuals and creators who bring their own unique vision and storytelling.

But I digress; this isn't about applauding the talented people who make really good stuff regardless if they work for a company or not.

This is about world wide web comic DOMINATION! MUAH HA HA HA HAAAAAA!!

Yes, here for completion purposes is the "If you controlled Web Comics, what would you do?" Sure, you don't have the thrill of potentially destroying a corporate empire, liquidating incompetent editors or toying with the livelihood of those in the industry -- but you sure as heck can anger your peers and isolate yourself from the community!

Let's start, shall we?

For my own nefarious purposes, I would decree:

- There is a maximum of 10 video-game related web comics at any given point in time. In order for a new video-game comic to enter the scene, you must kill the #10 spot either in ability or in unarmed combat. This category includes sprite comics as well as college dudes who just play a lot of video games. Oh, what the heck. Before the unarmed combat-to-the-death begins, both participants must scream "MORTAAAAL KOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAT!". Extra points awarded for unique finishing move.

- None of the following creatures will be allowed unless they bring something new and unique, or parody them well: Vampires, werewolves, Lovecraftian creatures and cults, predators, ninjas, pirates, and demons.

- The following are not allowed: Nintendo characters, Sonic the Hedgehog, Dragon Ball Z, Princess Peach, Wolverine or Lobo.

- Dragon Ball style combat prohibited.

- A maximum of one character with a cup size of "D" or more.

- A maximum of one character who appears to be an advertisement for steroid abuse.

- Fandom comics unless the series has been dead for at least 5 years, exception being fandom for other web comics.

- Villains must have a minimum of 2 dimensions. Main villains must have 3.

- My fav'd comics are immune, because in my opinion (and it's the one that counts of I'm taking over the world) they pass point #2.

Anyone hate me yet?

Hmm, I honestly can't tell if you're attempting to make a serious thread or just trying to find some childish way to mock me. Ah, doesn't matter. :P

You know what I would change? Nothing. Nada. Not a damn thing. And you know why?

Because everything that most people complain about in webcomics, from trite sprite comics, to an overabundance of mediocre yuri and yaoi, are easily ignorable. Don't like it? Don't read it; sounds too simple? Well it's true. And if you honestly feel threatened by these comics, then I would surmise that your own comic isn't good enough to stand above the crowd to begin with.

But really, as with the paper publishers, webcomics are set in their ways and will only change as the people who create them strive to make that change. For every crappy gamer comic out there, there are plenty of high quality, enjoyable reads just waiting to be discovered.

There will be exactly one webcomic site, and all new comics must pass a quality screening before they're allowed on.

No more sprite comics with ripped art. Original sprites are ok.

Payment for hosting must be paid in bacon, and shipped directly to me.

Couldn't you just come out my ear and get it?

Scott, are you having "control" issues this week?

Awww... that would make web comics boring.

No, I was being sincere. It's not as if web comics are by any means perfect. I mean, if I'm going to complain 'bout the bigwigs it's only fair to balance it, right?


Muaaaaaaah ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaa!! I'm an evil man, with an evil plan!

I must be on a super-villain kick or something this week... which is odd, I normally never play da bad guy.

If I controlled web comics, I will bring forth a new idea. A New World Order.

And it would be politically incorrect to oppose my brave new idea. nyahahahahaha!!!

I think webcomics need more

You know ... I wouldn't change a thing.

When I were a lad, there weren't any webcomics because ... well, because there wasn't any web. If you made your own comic you had to use broken biros and old school exercise books and - if you were lucky - you had a total readership of about twelve. (That number obviously includes both parents and two best friends!) You certainly didn't have a peer group to compare yourself with or to offer feedback.

There are some terrible comics on the web and some of those seem to defy gravity by staying at the top of the comic rankings and various toplists. But if that's the price we have to pay for having the excellent comics that are also online, then it's a price well worth paying.

I'd love there to be a toplist that ranked comics according to quality rather than by popularity (our recent DD awards have shown they can be very different things!) but, apart from that, I think everything in Webcomic World is wonderful!

Awww... I was hoping for more deranged bacon-based demands.

C'mon DAJB, Steely -- aren't you at all tempted with a lifetime supply of bacon?

Well the lifetime supply of bacon I'll take, but I just want to note that this topic was if I controlled webcomics, and I personally don't feel comfortable changing anything.

You should note, I'm a Vermonter; if it ain't broke, we don't fix it. And if it's gonna break, we let it fall down, build a new one, and complain that the old one was better.

Quality? how about "Passion and Perseverance" check. Its one thing to have to complete the comic slowly, its another to just go 'i'm not interested in this comic so I think I'll do another'. I would ban any one from posting comics again if they dare do this.

2. I would only allow redrawing of a comic once in a life time. seriouslly, if you feel the need to redraw your pages then its obvious its not good enough to be posted in the first place.

If I controlled webcomics, I would have gone crazy a long time ago.

yay! somebody's quoting one of my characters.

im gonna make a topic "if you control steely gaze, what would you do?"

Destroy bad sprite comics on sight.

I like webcomics the way they are. If you flood the market with superior goods there won't be any competition. Finding a good webcomic is hard but when you find it you appreciate it more.

I'm having difficulty understanding this, and it sounds kinky.

If I contolled web comics, I'd chain all my favorite webcomic artists to their desks and make them update on schedules! But I'd also try to find a way to get them some real money for it.

Haha, it's a video game reference

First, I'd get one of the artists to draw my stories and never dabble in art again.

I'd leave things the same as far as the creators and their content.

I would, however, change some of the hosting sites, so that they all have good coders that happily fix bugs all the time and are paid handsomely for this service. -- Or we would enslave the robots that send out spam and reprogram them to maintain websites. There would be no downtime anywhere, because webcomics would annex the bandwidth from all penis enlargement and magical weight loss pill sites.

Oh, and for fun, once a month, someone would be chosen to sacrifice to a volcano. -- And someone else would draw a comic about it. If their comic sucks, they too will be sacrificed. (No real reason for it. Just taking advantage of the power trip.)

Huh, I was only thinking in linear terms and applying this thread to comics, and not the actual webhosting. That is a really cool idea. Plus, it'd empty my spam folder, and provide us all with easy, effective hosting!

Now that is a change I like!

Oh, and Raccoo, the game in question is Psychonauts. If you've never played it, try and find a copy, they should be pretty cheap. It's excellent stuff.

If I controlled webcomics, I'd made sure a certain site doesn't log me out when I'm trying to upload the next batch of pages :P

*grumbles away*

If you can pull it off Vickie, I say we give you control of web comics. I suggest that the first line of volcano sacrifices be spammers.

If I controlled them I'd make sure I actually had the access to fix those things on the hosting sites

And then I'd put links to Pinky TA on everyone's comic sites!

...I could already do that here; if I was that evil/stupid

Do you mean replacing their comic with yours or inserting the *character* into every webcomic -- because that would be hilarious.

No, I'm not nearly as awesome as Ford Cruller and can't do that.

That would be hilarious

But I can't do that... -__-
The best I could do would be to put a big fat link in there...

Or, I could just replace the comic with a massive ad for Pinky TA.


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As an April fools day joke that would be fricken mean... yet beautiful ^^

But ... you do control them, don't you?
;-)

And her insanity makes her believe she doesn't.