'Kaaaay, so my HTML is needlessly shoddy, but I CAN use Dreamweaver, at the very least. However, how do I modify my page in Dreamweaver? Whenever I open it up as an HTML file, it doesn't look quite right. And I can't modify the raw HTML, because it makes me cry.

Is it even possible to do this? Can somebody rescue me from this horrible fate?

you should be able to use dreamweaver to create page layouts. i used netobjects for my home page however trying to open the page layout code provided by DD probablly wont work because of the custom codes used in it. check out this thread for the codes used by DD

http://www.drunkduck.com/community/view_topic.php?tid=26474&cid=231

dreamweaver will not be able to display these codes correctly. you will need to design your page in dreamweaver and then edit the HTML output to insert the custom codes to display your comic page, navigation buttons, comment boxes, etc.