Yeah, So I'm here to plug and request some soft critisizm of my comic/manga, Twisted Chronicles.

I'm pretty proud of the thing, and I've got lots of positive feedback from friends and randoms, but I wanted to advertise and get some more critique from the forums. ^^


The main character is Tom Himitsukaze, a 15 year old kid going to a high school on an undefined continent. His name is japanese, meaning secret(himitsu)wind(kaze). This partialy explains the occurances of the first chapter, in which he inherits mighty powers of the element of wind. Under the training of the three air spirits, Skey, Farin, and Zeke, he will face many foes, some of which will posses similar elemental abilities! Unfortunately for Tom, he also has to keep up with school, and his brother and guardian, Marco, and his crazy genius friend, Ryan.

I think that will be suitable for a briefing of the comic... now, here is the link!

http://drunkduck.com/Twisted_Chronicles/

Can someone, anyone reply? just to say you're reading? anything. I would quite like some feedback on my descriptive pages especially.

bumpage. cus its been nearly a month now. >_>

This comic seriously needs backgrounds. At the moment, it's just figures floating in a blank white void. There's no sense of atmosphere or place. The characters look good, but you really need to put them in some kind of context. Slowing down and telling the story in more detail would help too, I'm having trouble following what's going on a lot of the time. The story keeps jumping ahead without fully explaining or resolving events.
I'm glad to see the 'no jutsu' thing went. Even though it's Japanese, it's too closely tied with ninjas, and particularly with Naruto. Some of the other Japanese in the comic is rather....fan-ish sounding, but since I'm probably the only person reading who knows enough Japanese to notice, you'll probably get away with that.

Some tone or colour would be nice, or at least some background detail to make the pages feel less empty and look more finished. Basically the big stuff and basic structure of the comic is fine, but the details need a bit more polish to make the thing really sparkle.

The backgrounds... well... to be honest, I havnt got the skill to do 'em. I tried once, and it looked worse than the floaty whiteness of death.

sorry about the story jumping. I can go back and add to it later I think. Because I know the story and all the little extra bits, I have difficulty trying to see what my non-informed readers see. I need to know what to tell you guys , and I'll happily add to anything.


get what you mean exactly. that 'no jutsu' thing was an accident to be honest. I dont really follow naruto, and I was trying to find the translation for wind blast technique. It turns out that end section is always rooted to naruto. -.-"

Im working on toning it a bit. honest. it just looks... really messy. -.-"

thanks for that. I needed some constructive critisism. ^^

now I know what to work on, I'll start immediately. (starting by removing the dreaded 'no jutsu' from that page. XD)


Oh yeah, I'm still looking for more constructive critisism such as the one above, especially since I hit issue three, and the 50 page milestone.

If you can't draw backgrounds, don't just avoid drawing them, spend some time learning to draw them. You have to make attempts to draw even those things you're weak at drawing, or you'll always be bad at drawing them, it's better to start off bad and get better with practice than to never learn.
Instead of thinking of it as a background, think of it as a three-dimensional environment in which the character is doing things. I find it helps.

ok, so I've added shading, and now backgrounds. any pointers?

Ok. Bumping this 'cus its been over a month. :3

As I've previously said, it now has backgrounds and stuff. :P

updates on sundays(possibly saturday or monday. homework comes before the comic afterall.)