Polkster Said: Forum Update: Post in the new forum:
www.PolkOut.com/forum. It's hosted on my server, and if that starts getting laggy in the future I can just pay for more bandwidth. Any artistic contribution to the forum would be terrific. You can still check out the
old forum, and older pages will still link to it for now, so... uh... do whatever with that intel.
Quick shit for newcomers: Forum (deviant bullshit),
Feedback (fan art, comments, critiques),
About (check it out and contribute). Do you have a website of your own you want me to give a shout out to? Want to do a crazy guest strip? You can reach me through that email or on the forums.
Upcoming Fan Art Showcase: Whenever I get a substantial amount of fan art (we've got a few submissions on the forum) I'll dedicate a whole update to fan submissions. Go nuts, lets see some creativity and experimentation with style. Guest comic guidelines are in the forum.
During this hectic orientation week here in Prague, Nathan from Good in Theory was kind enough to provide me with a guest comic so I didn't have to do anything myself. I offered to let him do a guest rant too, and he jumped on it. Here's his site:
That's what a webcomic looks like when you're competent. That's all I'm going to say about that. Enjoy his rant:
GIT Rant
Today I am here to roughly break you out of your comfortable world . . . the normalcy that you have come to expect shall be shattered. That's right, where you would once be soothed by the desperate rantings of Polkster (often scribed in a warm, drunken haze), you will find this page somewhat dominated by another . . . who is quite sober, actually.
My greatest wish was for this guest comic to not suck, as I tried my best to provide a comic that could be enjoyed by you, the masses. I find that whenever I read a guest comic, it seems to have no other purpose than to be a figurative sloppy kiss on the cartoonist's ass. I want to express my appreciation for Polkster's work here, but I will do my best to keep my lips away from his (quite possibly hair-dominated) ass-skin.
I am a big fan of PolkOut, at least, that is what I tell myself. I have a Polkout shirt which quickly has managed to become one of my favorite clothing articles. There is something about loudly declaring one's affinity for
toast. It's drawn in a way so that to the casual eye, someone can not see the image of a young man smearing toast all over his naked body. It's the hidden sexual deviancy that I am able to get away with in public that arouses me.
As I write this now, quite a few weeks in advance, I am assuming that a quick scrawl will be made before this, explaining exactly who the fuck I am. This is liberating to get to write a comic like this, as this is far from the norm I usually go with. Oh sure, I say "ass" and "damn," but these words are childish in the eyes of PolkOut. Oh sure, I have inferred [url=http://gitcomic.com/2008/07/23/sodomy[/url] with an animal, but never before have I gotten the . . . *ahem* privilege to actually draw the sinful act. It's because I don't believe in my work in the way Polkster does. If he wants to draw a dog being suffocated in his anus, he does it. If I want to draw a man fucking a pig's asshole (or even write: a man fucking a pig's asshole), I have to draw it for someone else. It's just a set of moral values . . . a personal code. Polkster has created a grand environment of anonymity (although, creepily enough, I do know Polkster's real name, I'm just that big of a fan). He can hide under his alias and draw pictures of Audrey Hepburn squirting thick diarrhea into a toilet bowl, her dress hiked up and shit coating everything. He can do that! He has that amazing power because he never has to answer for his crimes!
I want PolkOut to succeed, with my want increasing to a level that probably nears Polkster's. And trust me, it's not because I think Polkster is a nice guy. I don't give a shit about Polkster's well-being, just so long as he keeps making the comics. No, no, I want him to succeed for my own selfish reasons. See, I dream of a world where Polkout delivers its depraved message on at least a tri-weekly basis. I want to have a book of his collected work to hide under the floorboards so that company does not find it. Most of all though? I want a poseable Polkster action figure. You know what I'm talking about, right? The main character of PolkOut? Kind of like a Gumby or something that I can stand proudly next to my computer on my desk. The crazy little stick arms waving up into the air. That would be, as the kids are saying these days, the shit.
(Oh, and when I said "I don't give a shit about Polkster's well-being," that was a kid, meaning I was kidding. In reality I have only have deep feelings of love for Polkster, this love is nearly exclusively heterosexual. I hope that Polkster is rewarded for his work someday, and assists in the process of creating many, many fetuses).
As ridiculous as this sounds, PolkOut has a rare quality that I have never found in a webcomic: never pissing me off. I only read a small handful of webcomics, and they all continually do things to piss me off. Maybe it's when they are doing some kind of fan service to the idiot segment of their readership. Before I criticize the first one, let me just say that I am a huge fan of Penny Arcade. Like, massive, alright? I have a ton of signed Penny Arcade posters on my wall, I own all of their books, a good majority of them signed as well. I bought their games the moment they came out, I have spent a day at their office, hell, I have even APPEARED in a Penny Arcade comic.
Even through that, Penny Arcade pisses me off. Like when there is some obscure comic that is 75% an inside joke about a conversation they had among themselves two years ago, that just makes me feel robbed. PolkOut doesn't do that. I have yet to read a PolkOut comic that annoys me. Even if that comic doesn't hit me in the right place that week, I still find that I like it. Which is something I just can't say about many other comics.
. . . oh, but there are the rants, which occasionally involve a movie, or a game that I enjoy, where Polkster condescends them with such violent vigor that it is almost as if he is raping my love for these things. So, with that said, I guess there is something that pisses me off about PolkOut. So, let's just ignore those past two paragraphs, eh?
My attention span is really short, and I wrote the bulk of this about three weeks ago, and promptly forgot it. So there, I tried to write a rant and save you some effort Polkster. I did it all for yoooooooouuuuuu. And so, to the audience: if you didn't like my rant, or the comic: fuck you, Polkster will be back next week. Or he won't.
I have no fucking idea.
/Guest Rant
Because when I think of something stupid I just can't resist...
That's right, readers, I am writing this all the way from the Czech Republic, six sentimental time zone hours away from my New York home. The puns are part of the healing process. The booze as well.
The beer here is too delicious and too cheap not to be in me. The same, for some odd reason, goes for the milk and yogurt... and cheese. These people just do dairy right. I've probably been drinking as much milk as I have been beer, since the shit tastes like Cornflake runoff. You know what I mean, you eat a bowl of Cornflakes and then drink the milk that's left... it's a good time. It goes well with the bacon flavored potato chips they sell here.
Sorry if I seem a little out of it... I am. I'm entirely out of it. I just woke up from a four hour nap and my, well it may very well be my kidney, is aching and I'm still a little jetlagged since orientation week has had me getting up early every goddamn morning for Czech classes.
Not any particularly crazy adventures to report, just a lot eating and drinking on the cheap. I've located the local scanner, so expect legit updates on my part--though guest comics are enthusiastically accepted.
Anyway, this first week has been dominated by pretty touristy stuff as well as the fun but unremarkable. We went bowling in the Czech Republic's first mall (of which there are a ton now) in a suburb of Prague, I ate at the only Burger King in this whole country, took some tours, drank some hard hot chocolate on the street, beer, beer, beer... nothing too crazy.
Hopefully I'll have more to rant about when I get my shit together. Until then, I don't know... entertain yourselves with the archive.
