| | User: Walrus | | 5 | | Just needs a little work. -Posted on Nov 05, 2009 | | User: PKNESS | | 5 | | You know, TB said it all already, but a really great start for a newbie like yourself! Hope you don't take that offensively. :D -Posted on Nov 02, 2009 | | User: exxxtasy69 | | 5 | This is actually a good start so far. One suggestion, outline the panels!!
btw, thx 4 da add!! ;D -Posted on Nov 02, 2009 | | User: mypetmorkie | | | | thnx tbustah, i dont really know alot about pokemon, but im workin with my cousin whos obbsed with pokemon. He wasnt here to help me with this page, so the next page will be better. -Posted on Nov 02, 2009 | | User: TBustah | | | You've come a long way, kid. I'm glad to see that you're actually following my instructions. You seem to have mastered resizing, but you should ALWAYS use it (what's going on with those pokemon sprites in panel 7?) I'm also very pleased to see that you're keeping things to scale, not every beginner knows how to do that.
Onto the mistakes:
Now, while I don't think that you should be listening to Brawllucas (he still has a lot to learn himself), even a broken clock is right twice a day. Your spelling, grammar, and punctuation need a lot of work. For spelling, try entering your text into a program that has spell check (like Microsoft Word, but just about any other word processor will do), fix your mistakes (if necessary), and then paste the corrected text into the comic. For grammar and punctuation, try having someone proofread it for you. I suppose I can do it for you if you're serious about this, but I require commitment from my students.
Besides your English, there are other areas involving your text that need improvement. First of all (this is more of a factual error, but I'm pointing it out all the same), Brendan says that his hometown is Kanto in panel 2. Kanto is a region, not a town. In panel 5, the text hangs out of the box. It looks sloppy. I'm also not crazy about the color of those text boxes, or the fact that they don't span the entire width of the panel in panels 1-4 and in panel 8, but that's more of a taste thing. At the very least, I would suggest adding a border to them.
Although I've certainly seen worse, your panel sizes are inconsistent, and the arrangement is sloppy. Most spriters (myself included) use a template for their pages. They help keep your pages stay consistent, and it saves you the trouble of laying the panels out every time. If you like, I can send you the one that I use.
Finally, Brendan's position is shifting in panels 1-4. It's fine to change the direction he's facing (in fact, the panels would be rather boring if you didn't), but if he's standing still, his position in relation to his surroundings should not be changing. Look at panels 1 and 2. See the difference in the gap between him and the box? There's a big difference. In fact, in the close up in panel 4, he's actually positioned ON TOP of the boxes! If a character is standing still in multiple panels, just copy the first panel. Not only will his position stay consistent, you'll save yourself some trouble. If you need to do a close up, just resize the panel and crop it as necessary.
You've come a long way, but you've still got a lot of work to do. Keep plugging away. -Posted on Nov 01, 2009 | | User: Brawllucas | | | | not bad! not bad at all! pretty good for a newbie like yourself. you might wanna work on text bubbles, and only resize the pokemon by 200's, 300's, etc. and work on your grammar and spelling. but other than that, GREAT JOB. :D -Posted on Nov 01, 2009 | | User: mypetmorkie | | | | aany suggestions? -Posted on Nov 01, 2009 | | Only registered members may vote. Sign up here!
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