....this page is ok. I'm just done. But, I'm adding another page to this that I think will make it better. Hopefully. Can you tell what's going on? Is my story and art super confusing? Let me know what I can do to fix things!
Description: Nenki (the hooded guy) and Petra (the guy with the loose mohawk) are running to catch up to the guys heading towards the canons, but on their way, the sea dragon catches them. Petra's instinct is to do what he can to try and save his friend. But, his help wasn't perfect, and one of Nenki's legs is caught up in the ice blast. As Nenki comes to his senses, he starts to move, and the moment he does, the ice cracks.
Well, first off, the art itself is great, as well as the overall dynamic flow of the scenes - they're very cinematic, so to speak.
But yes, I am confused... I wouldn't have gotten that part about the ice blast at all if not for your description, and I have a hard time identifying the different characters. In panel 5 it seems like Petra is taking all the heat... um, cold... right? So that's the way he died.
As for how to fix things, I'm also only slowly learning these things, so anything I can say is tentative and should be taken with a grain of salt. But, a few thoughts on the matter:
1.) Verbal description isn't all bad. It does tend to impede the visual storytelling flow, but adding a few bits (like the characters shouting each others' names, or something like "watch out! the ice blast" etc.) might help a lot. This is something I used to avoid, because sometimes it comes across clichéed, but I learned that sometimes it's simply better than not doing it.
2.) Decompressed storytelling can work wonders. Instead of having the whole scene play out in a few pages, adding some will increase the overall clarity. In your scenes, details seem enormously important, so expanding the size of your panels (or having some splash pages) seems reasonable.
Okay... as I said, this is not supposed to be a lecture, just my personal thoughts on the subject. Hope this helps a bit.
